Vernon's Speakeasy — Restaurant in Los Ranchos de Albuquerque

What an intriguing experience! This establishment certainly knows how to create an air of mystery and exclusivity. Reservations are a must, and be prepared to dress the part (business attire is requested). The unique entry process adds a touch of playful intrigue – from the initial text message check-in with your party name and number, to receiving a secret password, and finally, the "bouncer" at the door who plays his role to the hilt. He'll playfully quiz you, ensuring you understand the "rules" of entry before granting access. It's all quite theatrical and adds to the overall ambiance.

Inside, the vibe is undeniably cool. The dimly lit, curtain-partitioned tables create a sense of intimate privacy, and the layout is a bit of a maze, adding to the sense of discovery. Don't expect a traditional bar; this is a full-service, sit-down dining experience.

Our server was incredibly friendly and attentive, promptly seating us and guiding us through the extensive drink menu. My wife was struggling to choose, and our server offered helpful suggestions. While two of the four cocktails we sampled were absolute standouts – true mixology masterpieces – the other two fell flat. We had hoped for a more personalized cocktail experience, perhaps a mixologist crafting drinks tailored to our preferences, but that wasn't an option.

As we weren't ravenous, we sought our server's recommendations for a light bite. We opted for the baked Brie with honey and pita bread. A bread basket arrived with oil and herbs, but the bread itself was a major disappointment – flavorless, almost like generic sub sandwich bread, and frankly, inedible. The baked Brie, while tasty, was nothing extraordinary. The pita bread, however, paired nicely with the oil and herbs.

For our main courses, we each ordered a soup. My wife chose the lobster bisque, which she found surprisingly bland and lacking in flavor. My French onion soup, while decent, seemed pre-made and microwaved – it lacked the piping hot temperature and perfectly melted cheese one expects from a freshly prepared version.

My wife, still hoping for a culinary redemption, ordered the crab cakes. Unfortunately, the three crab cake "balls" looked promising but tasted suspiciously like something straight from a Sysco freezer – pre-made and simply reheated.

While the staff's friendliness, attentiveness, and helpful suggestions were truly exceptional, the kitchen's execution simply didn't live up to the high prices or the staff's efforts. The cocktails were definitely a highlight, but the food was consistently underwhelming. Would we return? Probably not. While the staff deserves high praise, the overall experience, especially considering the cost, left us wanting more. The takeaway: go for the drinks, but don't expect a memorable meal. For the price, there are likely better dining experiences...

My husband and I ate here for the first time last Sunday. We always tip, and tip well when we receive good service, but only a fool tips when they have been treated poorly. We also believe that no one is obligated to engage in personal conversation or to answer personal questions from strangers, ever. We have no interest in personal conversations with wait staff when dining out. A truly professional establishment will pick up on this and conduct themselves accordingly, therefore showing respect for the customer’s boundaries. Apparently here, the customer’s wishes are second and the wait staff’s ‘feelings’ come first. When the manager called he made it very clear that because we ignored the personal questions of his staff, he considered us “abusive”. This is ridiculous. We never asked for anything without a “please” or accepted anything without a “thank you”. And when the waitress brought me a stale warm glass of champagne (possibly because her ‘feewings’ were hurt) I said nothing and waited to see if she would eventually ask why I wasn’t drinking it. She didn’t. Our bread basket arrived with half the bread soaking wet. She didn’t do her job properly. My husband was hungry so he ate an entrée, we paid and left. The waitress never asked how everything was or would we like anything else. Shortly after leaving the manager phoned and demanded that I tell him right then and there why we didn’t leave a tip. I would have been glad to discuss it with him the next day but he became even angrier when I wouldn’t talk to him right then and there, on his schedule. I said if he was going to continue to be disrespectful I would just do a review online. This seemed to scare him because he immediately said he was going to comp us the entire meal, which was over 150 dollars. Why? We certainly didn’t ask for a comp and if he felt we did everything wrong and the staff did nothing wrong, why on Earth comp our meal? So be aware folks that if you go there the tender delicate feelings of the wait staff comes first. YOUR feelings and boundaries mean nothing and if you don’t play the game their way, there will be...

Disappointed is an understatement

I attempted to order a “Bees Knees” that was featured on the spirits menu. The waiter came back only 10 minutes later to tell me that the cocktail takes too long to make so I needed to choose another drink which was unacceptable.

Our table of 3 all ordered lobster bisque a “signature” dish of Vernon’s. A bisque is supposed to be a thick cream soup that chefs purée and strain for a fine, smooth final result. What Vernon’s served us was in no way shape a form a bisque. It had the consistency of water with a few chunks of lobster thrown in and was tasteless.

We ordered a 125 dollar bottle of Jordan 15 minutes prior to receiving our steaks. Our steaks came out and the wine was no where to be found. We were all halfway through our meals until our waiter came back and we had to ask if the Jordan was still coming because he had completely forgotten .

The final major fumble of the night, the steak itself. I was recommended the $75 American Wagyu Strip. What a total embarrassment. The “wagyu” tasted like choice grade beef you could find at a normal grocery store. Furthermore, there was a complete lack of charring and flavor. I mean 80% of the steak was grey. For being a “proper steakhouse” this was such a let down ….

The desert was admittedly a 9/10.Bread pudding was exceptional. (This was the highlight of the night)

Final thoughts: Not worth the money spent

When you pay prices that Vernon’s is charging, they need to uphold their end of the deal and it fell VERY SHORT every step of the way. Not making me a drink on the menu due to “time constraints”, the watery bisque, forgetting a $125 dollar bottle of wine, underwhelming and poorly cooked steak.

Vernon’s, I hope you read this and decide you need to do better. You came highly recommended but for the money we spent last night you needed...