Tony's Pizzeria of Port Richmond — Restaurant in Philadelphia

Edit: Sorry, I wrote this review when I was drunk and figured it would be funny. I still think that the contents of the review are humorous so I'll leave that in, but I've updated the star rating to better reflect what I've heard of this place.

It is with an air of profound disappointment that I take quill in hand to recount the harrowing ordeal that was my visit to this wretched purveyor of indigestible sustenance. The establishment in question, if one can truly bestow such a lofty title upon it, dares to bear the name of "Papa Tony's Pizzeria." Alas, the horrors that awaited me within those humble walls exceeded even the most dread-ridden nightmares of my fevered imaginings.

Let it be known, however, that my disparagement does not arise from the paltry offerings of the menu, nor the lackluster culinary skills of the wretched chef. No, the true source of my discontent lies hidden within the very fabric of this despicable establishment, concealed behind a facade of mundane dough and insipid sauce.

From the moment I crossed the threshold, a dark pall descended upon the room, an omnipresent gloom that seemed to seep from the walls themselves. The glances of the staff, devoid of warmth or semblance of humanity, belied a malevolence that chilled my marrow. Yet, the true horror was yet to come.

The first morsel of their so-called pizza, if one could label it as such without inviting the wrath of culinary sensibilities, graced my palate with all the subtlety of a Lovecraftian nightmare. The dough, akin to chewed sinew, clung to my tongue in a grotesque display of gelatinous resistance. The sauce, a concoction of abomination, possessed an acrid tang that set my senses aflame.

But no, dear reader, let not these petty grievances cloud the true essence of my disapproval. My evaluation extends far beyond the culinary realm, into the realm of the insidious personal affront. Rest assured, it is my unwavering impartiality that compels me to deliver this damning critique, and not any personal vendetta borne of a love spurned.

In conclusion, I implore the discerning reader to heed my solemn warning and avert their gaze from the unspeakable horrors that lurk within the unhallowed confines of Papa Tony's Pizzeria. This dismal purveyor of edible malevolence shall forever be etched in my mind as a place where heartache and anguish intertwine with flavors as bland and lifeless as the soul of its proprietor. May the gods of pizza forgive me for the anguish my taste buds have endured in this...

I'm only going to give this store three stars because I have really been upset with the quality lately. Last night I ordered a pizza and French fries, the french fries were overcooked and cold and not only that but the pizza tasted like it was that window Pizza that they keep in the window for people that want slices it just tasted plain out cold and old and rubbery. I was extremely upset because I usually get good quality here but lately the quality has been going down and the prices have been going up. Also the other day I ordered two cheese steaks and french fries and a cheeseburger and they told me 3550 when they got to my door they added another two bucks onto the price when he told me that that was with the delivery and everything so I don't know if I'm going to order from here again I wanted to call them and tell them about the pizza but it was already the next day but they had clothes because I ordered that at Sunday at 8:30 at night and they closed at 9:00 and I was going to call them on Monday but I didn't want to complain so hence why I'm leaving...

I truly do not like to give a bad rating or bad review but this one is long overdue. I’m not going toI go to this location because it’s super convenient for me but if I had another place just as close I would go there. I pretty much order the same thing when I order and most of the time I get different prices. Before I order I specifically ask for fresh food because I prefer to have fresh pizza as I do pay for it, and many times I’ve gone in there and watched them serve me old slices as there were fresh slices right beside the old. I really don’t like to b the one to complain but I’ve...