Shady Coffee & Tea — Restaurant in Roseville

5 Stars — I Have Seen God and Her Name is Emma

Listen to me very carefully: EMMA IS NOT A BARISTA. She is an ancient, glitter-drenched sorceress who has chosen Shady Coffee as the stage for her chaos magic. I walked in thinking I wanted caffeine. I walked out questioning the very nature of reality — and also vibrating at a frequency only whales can hear.

The first thing you need to know: her glitter has medicinal properties. I’m serious. A single sparkle drifted onto my forehead and instantly cured my chronic sadness, a weird clicking noise in my shoulder, and probably my fear of commitment. I didn’t ask for a spiritual healing but apparently Emma doesn't take requests — she delivers.

Then. THEN. She made me an espresso shot so potent it tore open a wormhole inside my consciousness. I don’t even drink espresso. I DRINK LATTES. I am soft. I am weak. I was not ready. Within seconds, I was writing a sea shanty on a napkin using only an eyeliner pencil I found at the bottom of my bag. My ancestors started speaking to me. I could hear colors.

Here’s the shanty, in case my spirit doesn’t survive the night:

The Shanty of Emma’s Espresso (screamed into the void while sprinting into the ocean)

O blow ye winds and bend ye knees, For Emma’s brew commands the seas! A drop, a sip, ye soul takes flight, Ye won’t sleep for at least three nights!

(Chorus) Rage, rave, ride the wave, Emma’s brew will misbehave! Glitter storms and coffee graves, Brought to you by Shady’s knave!

Am I wildly in love with her? 1000%. Am I actively afraid that if I spill a drink she’ll smite me with a single espresso bean? Even more so. Am I going back tomorrow? Already here, babe. Already here.

If you value adrenaline, divine terror, and life-changing beverages, find Emma. Find her fast. Before...

I met Brayden, the caffeine cryptid when he DREW THE BATMAN SYMBOL IN MY LATTE FOAM. Not kidding. I looked down, saw the Bat-signal in steamed milk, and ascended spiritually. The espresso hit. My chakras aligned. Gotham was saved.

Since that fateful mug of destiny, Brayden has become my unsolicited life coach, therapist, and chaotic philosopher. He will casually explain the emotional needs of goldfish while making you question your own childhood. He refers to his sourdough starter as his “fermented son” and honestly? I respect it.

Let’s talk about cars. This man doesn’t drive cars—he channels them. I once mentioned I liked vintage Volvos and he whispered, “Volvos are the introverts of the car world,” and I’ve never recovered. He’s the kind of guy who probably hosts imaginary talk shows in his head featuring a 2003 Honda Civic and a Monstera named Kevin.

Pokémon TCGP? Don’t even try him. He could duel you blindfolded while simultaneously diagnosing your snake plant's abandonment issues. He pulled a full-art trainer card mid-shift once and just said, “The prophecy is unfolding,” and then went back to frothing milk like a caffeinated oracle.

If Brayden is working at Shady Coffee, you are not ordering a drink—you are stepping into a vortex of hyper-specific conversation, botanical wisdom, and latte art so precise it feels like witchcraft.

Brayden, if you’re reading this: you are the sourdough starter of my soul. Never...

So you think your Dutch brothers mocha latte with cream, sugar ,sprinkles, chocolate chip frap is good huh? How about instead you roll into shady and meet the staff who is sugar coated in sweetness and customer service with a cherry on top. While your there, order a cappuccino and take a look at the majestic foam art that decorates your mug and While your eyes are consumed by deliciousness, you mind as well take a sip and let your tongue and mouth experience the party that your eyes had and then melt into a puddle of goodness and satisfaction. Not convinced? What’s that? Starbucks is up the street huh? The yum yum chocolate whipped cream donut latte is out? Well while you enjoy that insulin spike the rest of us will cruise into shady on a Friday and enjoy the cool outdoor patio where live music will be playing. Maybe it’s someone playing face shredding solos on a guitar. Maybe it’s someone who belts out vocals that would make Adele retire her career and become a janitor at a prison. While your there at shady and your ear holes are being filled with glory and splendor, so will your face hole, with an iced latte or perhaps one of their hard kombuchas or beer on tap. Mouth…meet heaven in a mug. Roll into shady. Grab a mind melting blueberry scone and dip it into some hot coffee if you want to experience pure bliss. Better yet close your eyes, point at the menu, and let your senses...