Crumbl — Restaurant in San Francisco

Was given a gift card and hard to say no to novelty of a hyped new store. Minor line, kinda chaotic, bad door flow. Skip up to the tablet terminals and order there for speed and simplicity.

Got a chocolate chip cookie, $4.99. It was big. 7xx calories, god knows how much sugar. And unfortunately no walnuts, just a gob of raw-ish dough filled well with chocolate chunks.

First bite was pleasurable, though shocking how sugary it was. Second bite was less pleasant, more amazed I bit it again. Crazy sweet. It was slightly warm, which was nice. Then my automaton sweet-seeking tongue took a few more bites as it kept overriding common sense and my brain. I stopped halfway through this cookie and soon felt my stomach curdling from the sugar, and that warm, druggy feeling through my bloodstream that comes from such a massive dose of sweetener.

As half a cookie remains uneaten, my body is regretting this purchase. It calls back the stories I’ve heard from people who do drug trips and go for the “heroic dose” and end up having to wait as their body slowly digests and works through the impact of what they did. The sugar crash from half this piece will be epic. This is a tasty cookie for one bite, but it’s far too much if you continue. There’s a reason the FDA was set to declare sugar a toxin back in the 70s before being politically maneuvered into blaming animal fats as the culprit for poor health.

Deeming a cookie this size a single portion is like calling an entire cake a single serving. I would say that the “mini” cookies would be a better choice, but they seem to only be sold 3 at a time for $9, so you’re still buying too much temptation. Maybe when the hype dies down they can cut the sugar in half, offer monkfruit or some other healthier sweetener, sell 1/4 size cookies, or something else. But if you’ve ever in your life purchased a pint of ice cream intending to make it last a month but it only lasts a day or two, this is a dangerous...

Brand new location in San Francisco so definitely expected some hiccups! In-store purchases have been smooth when we received the wrong order, It was replaced immediately. Ordering from the app, however, has its downfalls! Once I pre-ordered for the cookies to be delivered to my house at a later time and then got a notification shortly after that they were on their way! I called the store and they said that there was nothing they could do about their mistake. He just apologized! I contacted DoorDash, and there was nothing they could do either! DoorDash says to contact the store and the store says to contact DoorDash.. on another occasion, we ordered a box of cookies and when they arrived, they were not the cookies that we ordered. Then when I called the store to confirm this mistake, they said that the DoorDash driver selected the cookies for us because they had sold out of the cookies we had ordered, and we were not notified or compensated.. we have ordered three other times and it went smoothly.. just know that it’s risky ordering...

Went on Friday around 7pm. Lined up for about an hour and when we were almost to the door, a staff came out to tell us that the chocolate chip cookie, which is the free cookie they were giving out, is all out but we're welcome to stay in line if we still want to. We did since it's been an hour already. But when I saw the chocolate chip cookie was still on the counter as part of the menu, the cashier told me the free cookie batch is gone and the ones for sale are still in stock... and seeing an earlier review on here saying they got vouchers for the free cookie makes me icky about this (and yeah, ngl, also a bit sour that we didn't get a voucher). If they knew the free cookies were already out around 5:30 or 6, at least let people who are coming to line up after that know. Or hang up a sign on the door to let people know, I'm sure people are still willing to try even without the free cookie.

Other than that, we got brownie batter and Oreo. Both were good. A star off just for the not so pleasant...