American Eat Company — Restaurant in Tucson

Now i’m not gonna sit here and preach to you about things you already know. Like how Tucson is a city of gastronomy (which I still think that sounds like the PHD term for the scientific studying of farting stars) and how we have a plethora of food options available at our beck and call. The fact that a city can commercially thrive when it hits 110 degrees and its citizens STILL get into their leather car seats and drive through Mad Max Fury Road style traffic to get to a restaurant for some mexican fusion is a testament itself for how good the food must be. We should be proud.

Per usual, I was angry at everything and figured I was probably just hungry. But the problem with too many choices in town put me in Netflix mode. Just scrolling for 4 hours on google and not actually committing to anything. Which, in turn, made me angrier and, hence, hungrier. I knew there was mall food courts, but i’m tired of settling on the same things and it usually ends up with me with heartburn and excessive farts while looking through tight shirts at H&M. Luckily, I stumbled on American Eat Co. It looked like it was the mall food court without the mall which means I can go here for something new and not be coerced into buying obscure vapes and cheap cologne. According to the website “We currently have 7 restaurants in an open seating environment to keep everyone comfortable while you enjoy your day”. 7 restaurants narrowed it down enough for me to put on sweatpants and risk speeding tickets while heading toward the south side.

When I walked into this wide brick building, my heart skipped a beat as my senses were assaulted and battered with excitement. Every corner a beautiful, tasty temptation. It was pretty bustling with short lines at every counter and plenty of wood tables and booth seating in the middle. The hunger headache was getting to me and to make it even better, there was a house mariachi band perusing the tables and treating guests to some sweet mexi tunes. Lemme tell ya, nothing cures a headache like some loud brass and yelling spanish. I stood like a stupid, drooling child in the middle of the chaos trying to decide between Fatboy Sandos fattie sandwiches, Watters Pizza doughey deliciousness, Samurai Sombrero mexican sushi, a juicy burger from Kitchen 86, a carne asada taco from El Tacoson or a red colored sonoran dog from Monster Sonoran. Did I want them all? Yes. Did I want to end up in a coma with no insurance? No. So I had to choose and having to choose was the devil. So I had to do what hot chicks do. Make them all fight over me while I sip pricey coffee. And I just had leg day so my butt was looking GOOOOOD.

So I grabbed a Mexican Mocha from Cafe Con Leche and started playing hard to get. I began to cut in front of people in line while pretentiously sipping my coffee and staring at the menu for each one of them going “meh” out loud. The girl at the El Tacoson register just looked past me and yelled “next” as if I didn’t exist. So I pulled out a dollar bill and started to sniff it while muttering “oh Georgie, where are you going to go today, big boy?” Again, nothing. The guy at Samurai Sombrero just looked at me weird while I began to rub my nipples and lick my lips while looking at the menu. No bites. Fatboy Sando just politely asked me to move on after I kept saying “thank you, fatboy” to the petite register girl after having her explain each item on the menu in detail. When I tried asking the guy at Monster Sonoran if the buns naturally grow red because they’re from south america, he asked if I had a caretaker or guardian with me but my eyes immediately went to the kids menu where they had a Birria Grilled Cheese and I gave him the ‘shhhhh’ while putting my fingers close to his lips and slowly slid a $20 bill toward him while saying “today, the birria grilled cheese goes to adults”. I looked over and the mariachis were smiling at me and began to play El Son De La Negra as I literally just inhaled a kids menu birria grilled cheese and almost choked to death. Best day...

Alright, let's get this review on the record. I’ll be honest, I went in expecting to hate the place. Some butterface I was meeting for a first online date suggested it, and the name alone was enough to put me off.

The place was, to my surprise, was literally packed. Had to park three blocks away and walk, which didn't improve my goddamn mood.

You get inside, and I have to admit, despite my best efforts to despise it, the place was happy. Annoyingly so.

It’s one of those modern food court joints for people who can't make up their minds. A dozen little restaurants crammed into one big room, probably cycling through tenants who can’t make rent. Each one with its own little niche, its own line, its own goddamn credit card machine.

You want a taco from one guy, a beer from another, and a bottle of water from a third. No waitresses, no service, no central tab. A chaotic, self-serve, millennial vision of hell. And for all that trouble, I didn't see any major discounts on the food. So my first thoughts were just a string of negatives, a real litany of bitching and moaning.

But… the overall vibe was good. The energy was up. And it wasn't just booze-fueled, either. People were laughing, talking. There was a connecting bar next door, sure, probably full of the usual slick-haired Romeos, but the main hall had a life of its own.

I looked around at the people, and no, they weren't my people. Too many clean sneakers and hopeful smiles. This was south of town, one of those "up-and-coming" neighborhoods that’s trying a little too hard.

But all joking aside, I have to say, I had a great time.

The food? Couldn't tell you, don’t remember a damn bite. The company? Awful, a complete dud.

But the place itself—the vibe, the energy of the crowd, the whole damn setup—much to my own disgust, I was highly impressed. The bastards actually...

A great food court in a much needed area! Because this has been open a week there are certainly some kinks to work out but this place will thrive.

The parking lot is small but there is plenty of street parking. If you go during lunch expect the place to be crazy busy and long wait times. If you have only an hour lunch break this place may not be for you yet.

There are a variety of food options and each place runs ordering differently. This is where my four stars come in. Some places handle them better than others. What I mean by this is that one food place has numbers they hand out and a food runner to take food out, some text your phone when ready while other places simply take your name. The problem is that you are desperately hunting for a table and that could be across the food court so waiting for your name to be called is not practical when the wait is 15 minutes. A text, while in theory is a great idea is not very practical either because the wait is too long and you aren't sure if the text didn't work or the wait is just too long. There are janitors that do a great job clearing peoples dishes and wiping tables so why can't there be community food runners so each food place can give out numbers and food can be brought out. It would make things a lot more efficient.

The food itself is good. A lot of local places you know from food trucks or their main restaurant. Greek food, ice cream, mexxican, pizza by the slice,ribs with authentic local rubs, seafood and a bar.

Once the food is made faster and served more efficiently this place...