Jimmy John's — Restaurant in Valparaiso

In the beginning there was a God. His name, Seamus. He was beautiful beyond comparison. Infinite beauty he was. So beautiful he couldn’t be seen. He was invisible and he didn’t know. He first created men. Men were muscular and powerful. They loved to fight. Their one fault was ugliness. The ugliness went over the heads of the men. Ugliness was all men had. For everyone was ugly, that was all they knew. Men couldn’t believe that such beauty could exist. They would pray to see Seamus. Seamus would try to reveal himself, but could not. He was invisible, therefore it was impossible. One believer, who Seamus had created, Kanye West, grew angry. Kanye would scream just for the chance to see Seamus. His anger turned to short temper. Kanye threatened to start killing if Seamus did not show himself. Seamus tried, but still could not. Kanye began killing, showing no love, only hate. Men began to tremble in fear of Kanye. Men would cry for help, for someone to stop Kanye’s madness. Because Seamus never showed himself, Kanye’s killing soon turned atheistic. He showed no mercy, and no quick deaths. One strong believer realized Seamus must have lost all his strength when he created man, and therefore Seamus could not stop Kanye. This believer’s name was Logan Borland. One day there was only three men left. Kanye was about to kill the third, Kleshna Blackfoot. “Stop, you inbred mongrel” shouted Logan Borland. He had finally confronted Kanye. Kanye, turned around to see Logan. Kanye was angry. Logan tried to tell Kanye of Seamus’ existence. Kanye would not listen as he is a die-hard social darwinist. Kleshna Blackfoot whispered, “Maybe you to should fight two the death”. And so they did. They both pulled out their red tipped hair gel swords. Kanye and Logan simultaneously said “ugly”. This initiated the battle. Logan and Kanye started fighting an epic battle. Toe to toe they were. Kleshna would start cheering, “go ugly, go. Hair gel, hair gel on the swords, reveal which one is ugliest of all”. “That’s not how it goes, you idiot” shouted Kanye. This distracted Kanye and allowed Logan to punch Kanye in the heart. “Why didn’t you use your sword?” shouted Kleshna. “Oops, I’m an idiot” went Logan. Kanye was annoyed. He tried to end with a vertical slash. Logan took the opportunity to do a summersault between Kanye’s legs. Kanye thought he had killed Logan. Next, Logan stabbed Kanye in the heart from behind. Seamus would begin to cry, this was the first time it had ever rained. Seamus would die, and with his death came clusters of beauty. The clusters began to fall. Some clusters were bigger than others. The division of beauty broke the invisibility. Each cluster would become a woman. Thus, women were created. Kleshna and Logan were the only men. This means that all men are descendants of Logan and Kleshna. Kleshna would marry one women, thus creating normal people. Logan would brag about how he killed Kanye. He would have twenty-six wives. This was the very first form of polygamy. Logan is the very first mormon. Logan would die in happiness. His wives would remarry Kleshna...

If I could give 0 stars I would. Worst Jimmy John’s experience I’ve ever had. The employees there looked miserable except for the cashier woman. The man was rude when my fiancé kindly asked for some kickin’ ranch that he forgot to order. The man said it would be 52 cents. My fiancé said that’s fine he goes to the car to grab 52 cents and then the man making sandwiches insisted he get back in line (with 5 customers ordering) allover again to check him out for a little ranch cup. I told them to save the ranch and that we are leaving. A couple people that work there laughed unprofessionally. I work in customer service and this was beyond rude. He already didn’t want to be a hassle asking for extra ranch. But this establishment lost more than 52 cents for a ranch cup. I’ve been coming here for years since it’s in the neighborhood and I will never order here and since I’m a barber to 200 clients a month I will be sharing my experience here with all of my clients and letting them know to go to fire house subs or some other sandwich place from...

Kevin the assistant GM was extemely rude to me, rushed me though my order, and was talking to the other workers and staring out the window at me laughing when I left. I have never complained about customer service before, I worked in the food business for half my life. But if this is how the assisted GM carries himself what is that saying about the rest of the facility. The other jimmy johns in Valpo however was very kind. I called them by accident and they were really helpful. If I could give it 0 stars I would. UPDATE: Called to talk to the GM Rich and to my surprise he was even MORE rude then the first man! Never in my life have I been so disrespected. He proceeded to not just yell but SCREAM at me. I couldn't get a word in. Just a heads up, if you have any sort of complaint about this place I would just go straight to corporate, Kevin and Rich obviously don't handle complaints on a...