Everyday I get on my knees and pray to god. Im a dedicated Catholic man who frequents this church. But everything changed during last Sundays service.

Everyone that attends is really nice, polite, and always well dressed. Not like those Guelph hipsters you see hanging around the post office water fountain. God those kids drive me up the wall.

I like to come here because the service is impeccable. And also the priest just gets me, man.

I, like many, have sinned here and there, but the Reverend James continually resolves my issues. Its like free therapy. Except I have to go over to his place and massage his feet after. Sometimes even WITH cream.

But atleast my hands are extremely soft now.

I dont mind though. We get bonding time and I get closer to god and my spiritual self.

If you happen to be in Guelph, this place is a 100% must visit. The gothic architecture is sure to impress those who admire all things aesthetic. Becareful though, it's surrounded by steep hills so make sure you keep your Grannies wheelchair brakes on at all times.

Infact that's exactly how my Grandma met her fate. We were at Sunday mass, heading out fast before they asked for our money. As I rolled her down the ailes i felt the stuffy wind in my face. Freedom was just beyond those big doors. We bust through them with no worries and no donations given.

Granny and I did this often. We pay enough taxes and shes 90 years old for christ sake. Exuse my language.

But heres where things go downhill.

Quite literally.

After takeing a moment to catch my breath from that escape, I reach up to wipe the sweat from my brow. And in the 5 seconds it took me to do this, my granny rolled away.

Right down to the busy Guelph downtown where she was side swiped by a 3 tonne pickup who was haulin it down the road.

I knew what had happened as soon as I heard the distand splatter and tire shriek.

So let this be a lesson kids: Always throw some cash in the bowl.

-jeezy