Hazlet Pavillion — Attraction in Hazlet Township

Ohhh! Hazlet Pavilion, huh? Hey! What a place — if you ever wanted to experience the thrill of a shopping center that looks like it’s been hangin’ on since Clinton was president, this is your spot, baby. I walk in and I’m like, “What year is it?!” You got a Burlington where dreams go to die, a Planet Fitness full’a people who only work out their excuses, and a liquor store that looks like it’s seen more breakups than Tinder.

I’m struttin’ through the parking lot — potholes big enough to swallow a Hyundai — and there’s always that one guy revvin’ his Dodge Charger like he’s auditioning for Fast & the Furious: Hazlet Drift. Hey pal! The only thing you’re racin’ is child support!

Then I hit the Chinese buffet. Ohhh! You ever seen crab legs that look like they’ve been retired? You grab one, it falls apart like my second marriage! I’m sittin’ there, surrounded by people loading plates like the apocalypse starts at dessert. One guy’s got a pyramid of shrimp! I’m like, “What, you buildin’ the Great Wall of Cholesterol?”

And don’t even get me started on the nail salon. Every time I walk by, they look at me like, “You want manicure?” I’m like, “Sweetheart, these hands don’t need polish, they need absolution.”

But y’know what? I love it. I do. Because Hazlet Pavilion ain’t fake. It’s real Jersey, baby — loud, tired, a little sticky, and still open somehow.

Final review? Three stars for quality, five stars for attitude, and one big “OH!” for the nostalgia. Hickory dickory dock — Hazlet Pavilion...

This place is ugly and outdated. I went to the Subway there to order a few sandwiches and had the worst experience ever. I walked in and asked to wash my hands before I ordered and the lady behind the counter was rude and she lied saying the bathroom wasn't working. Once I got on line to order and paid all of a sudden the bathroom worked. She also made all 4 sandwiches wrong and I had...

There’s a nice bowling alley here, but otherwise, it’s really a dump. The Subway is clean and well kept, but usually has no foot traffic and few customers, and a reasonable prediction is the franchise well sadly walk away from it in the not too...