Kalahari Resorts & Convention Center - Poconos — Hotel in Tobyhanna Township

This is review is mostly gonna focus on the water park itself, and not my room experience. So if you’re trying to get a good idea of what your room experience could be like, I’d suggest looking to other reviews focused on that aspect. And quick warning, this is gonna be a VERY VERY long review, and therefore, it will be a lot to read.

I have been to this place a few times, the first 2 with family. Came first in 2017 just shortly after the expansion which finished the other half of the park. I was finishing middle school around this time so obviously I didn’t book the room, and this was just an overnight stay. As an avid water park/slide lover, I had a BLAST my first time. I couldn’t care about the park feeling like a giant warehouse given its design (more on that later). I did every single ride, MANY of which were my first time trying a certain type of water slide. We’d come again, 4 years later for a 3 day/2 night stay. Then 2 years later, with my friend for an overnight stay.

Coming back to where I mentioned the warehouse appearance, this park suffers the same issue as a lot of other indoor ones. That issue being it doesn’t let in a whole lot of natural sunlight, and just feels like a massive warehouse. I don’t want to bash this park too much for its appearance, they still tried at least something, and it somewhat worked. Moving on from that, the rides, oh boy do I have a lot of praise to give these slides.

From Sahara Sidewinder (the purple capsule slide) to Wild Wildebeest (the dark blue and green raft slide with the curved wall), this park for the most part has it all. My personal favorites are the 2 aforementioned slides, Anaconda (a red and black water coaster), Cheetah Racers (4 lane head-first mat racer), and The Smoke That Thunders (A blue raft slide that throws you mercilessly into a giant funnel shaped element).

This park covers every single thrill level, from tame kids slides, to gentle (sometimes a little speedy) tube slides, to fast pace body slides, all the way to the wildest of wild, most of the raft slides, and the drop slides. So if you’re not into the big stuff, or you want to test yourself, this park has something for you.

But how does the rest of the resort hold up? I know I mentioned at the beginning this review would focus mostly on the park, but I feel it’d be a good idea to also give some insight to room experience and other amenities. Every time I came, our room was as organized as one would normally expect. I’ve so far had not a single issue with them on all 3 of my visits. In terms of things like shops, restaurants, and so on, be careful with your money. In a place like this, EVERYTHING is gonna be expensive, down to even a bag of chips.

I know this is normal for these water park resorts, so I will not touch on this any further. What I will touch on is this restaurant that I dined at in the lobby. I forget the name, but I’m certain it has milkshakes in it. Regardless, as a restaurant industry worker, I like this spot. I had these wings with mango habanero sauce which was sweet, and had a nice kick of heat to them. Then I had a milkshake, which was also tasty. I ended up almost forgetting I was in a water park resort for a bit.

It was a nice experience overall, and if I come back in the near future, I hope to find this restaurant again. As for everything else, I have not much else to say, so let’s wrap up this review.

Would I recommend this resort. Definitely, the water park has one of the best ride lineups in the state (Though from what I heard, ride availability can become an issue which thankfully didn’t during all my visits. As expected, items from shops will be pricey, and therefore you’ll want to consider how you’ll spend your money during your stay. I know this has been a long, LONG review so if you scrolled all the way down here without reading..

TL/DR Awesome water park with an amazing lineup that covers all thrill levels (Availability can be an issue with some rides), everything is expensive unsurprisingly, and room experience was solid. I WILL be back here...

Here is an honest rundown of staying a couple nights at Kalahari: the embodiment of corporate greed

Pros: -The waterpark, we had a blast. Buy a day pass for it & stay elsewhere.

-The spa was actually very nice, I had Genie for my facial and Amanda as a masseuse & they are both wonderful ladies who know what they are doing. In the end, I didn't mind spending a little more on the spa for the experience.

-Food: We had a wonderful dinner at Double Cut Steakhouse despite it being pricey, that bacon hollandaise is unbelievable. I do believe my meal should've at least included a vegetable side or a starch or something because $42 for 4 scallops is pushing it. I enjoyed my portobello burger at BLuxe very much, my husband couldn't eat the one he ordered because of cross contamination with a lethal allergy, they took it off our bill, so I wouldn't necessarily turn my nose up at this place. I wish they gave more fries though.

Cons: -the prices are exorbitant and down right ridiculous. My husband and I stayed two nights in the honeymoon suite, with 2 discounts it amounted to about $800 (for weekdays). The private tub was the nicest thing about it. The fireplace kept turning off after 5 minutes & the tray attached to the wall was slightly broken. They leave snacks and water in the rooms but they are not complimentary. The water bottles are $5, when down the hall the same water in the vending machine is $4.25. A small bag of "gourmet" popcorn was $12. When you book a "honeymoon" suite, SOMETHING should be complimentary. When you book any of these overpriced dated rooms, continental breakfast should be complimentary but no they charge for the buffet breakfast as well. I also noticed the carpet throughout the resort (not in the rooms), does not get vacuumed.

-Cafe Mirage: We wanted to get a quick lunch before heading to the waterpark the next day into our trip. We ordered chicken tenders, a caesar wrap, extra fries, & ONE refillable drink to share, it was... $52. In short, that is alot of money considering the wrap was pretty gross & loaded with mostly lettuce & my husband got shorted on his tenders. When asking for better ones, they said "we see they are small pieces that is why they gave you an extra one", the amount did not make up for the fact that it was nowhere near the size of 3 regular chicken tenders. Mcdonalds would've been cheaper for more & better tasting, which is saying alot because I don't like Mcdonalds.

-A couple of the waterpark attractions/ amenities were closed & I was told it is because they don't open without a certain occupancy. The grotto bar was one of them along with one of the children's sections & a few rides that were being serviced. Apart from rides needing servicing that will reopen another day, if I'm paying all that I am paying to stay two nights there, every amenity they offer when I am booking it, better be available to me while I stay there. Our last day trip to the waterpark we took, the grotto was closed too & it really sucked because it looked pretty cool. Incredibly disappointing.

-We went to the regular swim up bar in the waterpark, & asked the bartender if we could charge our room & they said "only if you have blue wristbands". Which is so silly, but more-so just an inconvenience for guests that didn't know to get it from the front desk beforehand. Also, some lockers are broken in the waterpark so another inconvenience we had to wait to get changed. At least the waterpark staff were fairly decent even though they are very obviously miserable.

-We didn't even bother stopping in the stores, they are also ridiculously overpriced.

Conclusion: Frankly, this place really nickel & dimes you, I would not stay here again but will be returning for day passes to the water park & maybe their arcade. The owner of this place very obviously only cares about making $$$. Nothing about this resort shows they have any pride or principles. Can't make them change, but I can maybe stop the next potential visitor from...

We booked a vacation here for 3 nights. The waterpark wasn’t too crowded for the time we went, and we had a very relaxing good time there.

Next to the waterpark entrance is their arcade. They have some regular video games, a ton of claw machine and coin drop style games, and extras. The ticket prizes are overpriced Five Below items. It was decent fun.

The staff were friendly, but at times it was difficult to get them to engage in conversation. Particularly at the concierge desk. Those at the bars and restaurants were a little better.

The first restaurant we ate at was Cinco Niños, a Mexican themed restaurant. We went on taco Tuesday. The food wasn’t that great and cost us way too much for the quality provided.

The second restaurant was a bar and grill next to the first. The burgers and shakes were pretty good, and service was way better than the other place. Overall, expensive, but good food, so the expense was expected for a resort.

Now, the room. We booked a “handicap accessible” room that is supposed to sleep 8 people. It was equipped with 2 mini fridges, and 2 bathrooms, one being an en suite to the only divided bedroom. It had a nice sized table for everyone to eat. There were 3 large screen TVs that had plenty of viewing options. My 1 year old really enjoyed how much space the room had because she was able to run freely.

The worst part of the entire stay was easily the beds. The only bed in the room that was even remotely comfortable was the master bed, and I use comfortable extremely loosely. All of the mattresses were very lumpy with absolutely no support whatsoever. I slept on each of the beds, and they were more or less all the same. The pull-down queens in the main den area were worse than the master. They felt like sleeping on top of a sheet that only covered a lumpy mound of dirt. I could feel the entire had bottom that the mattress sits on, except where the mattress clumped up under me.

The reason I put handicap accessible in quotations is because, while the room door was modified to allow wheelchair access, the room was not as accessible as the designation implies. The room door was a normal sized door with a second smaller door that could be opened to allow a wheelchair to fit through. However, you need to bring a crew to operate it. The main door was very hard to push open as the closing mechanism has so much resistance it could push me back in my chair. The secondary flap that you need to open to make the door wide enough for a chair can only be opened by a small button at the very top of the door. Anyone who is permanently in a chair will not be able to reach this button or operate the flap alone. The flap also had a fair amount of resistance, making it nearly impossible to get through whilst in a chair all but impossible without a team of two to work the doors.

Once inside, the only accessible part for your chair is the wide open den area. I did manage to get my chair into the kitchenette, but had no room to maneuver once in. The toilets were both in small stalls that were uncomfortable without my chair, and there is no way anyone permanently in their chair would be able to access or transfer to these toilets. The bathtubs also have no way to transfer without help as there are no rails; only the tub’s edge. Our room also had a veranda with two doors, a table, and a ceiling fan. Neither door was accessible, and even if it were, there is no room on the veranda for your chair. That’s okay though because there is really no reason to go out there except to enjoy fresh air. The entire veranda was covered in bird feces which I’m quite sure hadn’t been cleaned in years, based on how caked on it was. That includes the table, chairs, fan, railings, and floor. It felt disgusting just to step out there.

In summary, Kalahari in the Poconos is good for a day visit to the waterpark to relax if you’re in the area. However, if you are looking for an overnight stay, perhaps another of the nearby resorts would better...