All The Kings Men — Local services in Melbourne

I don’t usually trust online reviews (or write them) and tend to go by word of mouth, but I was in a bind and needed a last-minute haircut. Based on what I saw, I ended up at All the Kingsmen. Unfortunately, it was a regrettable choice.

The owner, who I assume is the senior barber and seemed well into his 40s, came across as arrogant and unprofessional. I have wavy hair and specifically asked for a scissor cut, but he flat-out refused, insisting on his own method with clippers—completely disregarding what I wanted.

The shave I received left me with an itchy, red rash—something I’ve never experienced before, which makes me question the hygiene standards of the shop. Overall, the place didn’t feel particularly clean or well-maintained.

After my visit, I took a closer look at the reviews, and my concerns were only confirmed. It seems that whenever a negative review is posted, it’s quickly buried by a flood of glowing 5-star ones. Whether it’s bots, family, or friends, it raises questions about the authenticity of the feedback.

In my opinion, this place is not worth the risk. I wouldn’t recommend it, and I definitely wouldn’t trust the online reviews.

(in response to the owner) - I was indeed at your shop, and my experience was exactly as I’ve described. The details in my review—especially the shave that caused a rash—are accurate and not fabricated. I understand you may not have a record of me, but that doesn’t change what happened.

Also, I find it interesting that just hours after my review, a glowing 5-star review appeared, praising the shop for an “awesome shave” and “good vibes.” The timing feels a bit too convenient, especially after a negative experience was shared.

I’d prefer to remain anonymous, but I wanted to share my experience so others can make an informed decision. I’m not here to argue, just to provide...

I travel often across different countries, and in my adventures, meet new people, cultures, and barbers. From the back-alleys of Istanbul to the expansive boulevards of Paris; no where in the world have I received a haircut as good as in All the Kings Men.

To describe it as a beard trim and haircut is reductive; it was a transformative experience. I walked in, a tired and weary man, with unkept hair and wild untamed beard - and walked out renewed, determined, encouraged and looking sharp. It is 50% therapy, and 50% looking like absolute fire.

Later that evening, in a night of debauchery and pure chaos, the one consistent comment echoed by all of its wayward actors is this review. The dancer would whisper 'I really like your haircut', the purveyor of goods would quip 'this is uncut, also, that is a great fade', the police office would add 'watch your head, which is amazingly done by the way'.

I live overseas and there is no living human I would trust to go near my long flowing black hair more than All the King's Men. I do not even allow my parents, god bless them, to touch it now - as they would sully the memory of the greatest day of my male adult life. A day of discovery, triumph...

hey guys! just had a small complaint. i didn’t want to make this a big deal but the barber messed my haircut up quite a lot😬😬i came home to my wife laughing straight at my face. i asked why and she said she needed a break till my hair grows out. i can not see her for a few weeks, i tried to cut the sides in the mirror to fix it up a little bit but i made it worse cause i was accidentally using my pubic hair trimmers, the pungent smell from my pubes got me to realise i grabbed the wrong trimmers! my son said my haircut isn’t that bad but my 4 month old daughter will not stop crying every time i smile at her. i’m sorry to bring this up i did not want to make it a big deal😅 thank you for this haircut...