Green Bamboo Massage — Local services in Chiang Mai Province

This was probably one of the worst massages for my partner and I had in Chiangmai and Chiangrai combined, and we are not even hard people to please.

This is one of those massage places that do by-reservations-only. We saw reviews, and booked one week ahead; they confirmed 2x foot massage and 2x shoulder and back massages for the 2 of us (makes perfect sense). However, upon arrival, they double booked us and we were left with 1 hour each, and what I didn't like was how they didn't bother checking back through the emails, insisting that they were correct. Black and white documentation proves otherwise. They offered 10% discount afterwards, which is not fantastic, but sure, I'll take it. They insisted that they didn't have any masseuse to take us on for the subsequent 1.5hrs after; fair enough (but let's hold this thought).

The entire 1hr therapy felt very unrefined, with my male masseuse jumping unsystematically from place to place (shoulder then feet then back again), and the force used felt very brute and "careless" (to the extent where I feared that he'd break my back and neck). This intangible trust is something that needs to be built across the hour; having done a few massages, I had that trust with many others, but not with this. It's not even about massaging too hard or soft anymore, but just a feeling thing you get from professionals. To have someone stand on you (literally) to massage your back and cracking your spine, needs a lot of trust, and this was unfortunately a very scary experience. After the entire session, I even looked up above the bed to see if he had anything to hold on to in case he lost balance - nupe. I'm not even going to go into those Thai massage treatments where they spin you around to crack your back and arms - yes, scary.

My partner's female masseuse dozed off towards the final 15mins. We were both flipped around to have our heads massaged, so I could see my surroundings. She was observing the clock every 2 minutes, and yawned a couple of times. My partner told me she was wondering how come she'll suddenly have pockets of time where the masseuse was losing force and later not do anything at all.

Throughout the entire hour, I was also not able to relax as the music used were not soothing (e.g. sound of nature) but some Thai percussions that had a really fast and obvious beat. This was mixed with the music coming from the neighboring bar next door, playing Pop best 50 hits - imagine my confusion all throughout my massage session, while fearing for my life.

After we ended, we were ferried out, had tea, and I stayed on for the next 15mins. The rooms nor the armchairs outside were occupied, and our masseuses were sitting around looking at their phones. I checked the closing time and it stated 9pm, while it was only 615/630. Super confusing, but I still cannot understand why there's a lack of business resource to take us on for the other 1.5hrs, which on hindsight, was probably a blessing. Didn't tip them, when I normally do 100 THB for my other massages.

All in all, we didn't enjoy ourselves at all here, to say the least. The accolades they have definitely don't help my appreciation for the service we got. Not sure about the many good reviews that others have left, but sure, to each...

Problem areas not really worked on. Green Bamboo insisted there was nothing wrong with the therapist or the parlour itself, and blamed it on the client instead.

-Booked a 1.5 hour bamboo massage (not the oil massage with a warmed bamboo stalk, but a deeper massage that's a mix of traditional thai massage and the use of bamboos stalks). The massage on arms, legs and shoulders was okay. -Before the massage started, I'd told the therapist I needed more work on my lower back and the muscle lines on the back on my neck. Showed her where exactly where those spots were. She insisted on pressing my neck with her fingertips gently, saying she couldn't go harder. Switched to pressing my shoulders blades instead. -Asked her to use a (small) bamboo stalk, or her elbow if it was easier, even put the stick on the exact spots on my neck and just asked her to press, and she just did it lighty, like she was scared of things going wrong. -At this point it was getting too frustrating, so I got up and left early.

Edits in response to the owner's reply: -As I explained to both the therapist & the receptionist, I'd gotten massage for a long time around the world, and also in different places in Chiang Mai too. There are therapists who can do deep pressure on the neck with their fingers or elbows or a massage tool just fine -- I have never been injured because of that. Surely, it's a skill / training issue. -I think it'd be fair to say that the massage therapist in question, and also Green Bamboo staff who insist 'medium pressure' is the only way to go, are simply unable to do it. Instead of blaming it on the client (who clearly knows what she's doing) and saying 'it's dangerous for you', shouldn't the therapists, as professionals, think about / discuss how to deal with the situation? Perhaps go with another massage technique / tool or even another therapist to try to resolve the issue? -How is the dry bamboo massage a 'soft' massage? Therapists use different techniques and even bamboo stalks to do it, but 1) she barely knew how to use it over my neck, when actually it can be done just fine; 2) even on Green Bamboo's website, the dry bamboo massage is described as a deeper massage for 'sports-tired' muscle, for athletes or those seeking deep relaxation, etc. The warm one is the 'soft' massage. Green Bamboo saying it was 'a misunderstanding' and I shouldn't have expected something hard from a dry bamboo massage -- this is plain irresponsible, trying to blame it on the client again. -As for Tok Sen, I have actually learnt it myself, and it is/can be indeed a deeper treatment but needs to be done well. I was thinking of trying the bamboo massage and then if it was okay, then try Tok Sen at Green Bamboo. But of course that didn't work out.

Note to potential visitors: If you're just looking for a general massage for relaxation, this place might be fine. If you need anything outside of a regular routine, even if it's just a problem spot, I'm...

This is the fourth time I go to Green Bamboo. The first time was in 2014. It had a good reputation so I gave it a try. I was amazed by the Thai massage, in comparison to other places. Unfortunately I forgot the massager's name.

The last two times, in 2015 and 2016, were utterly disappointing. I first asked a normal massage, and they appointed a new inexperienced employee to do it. Under the freezing air-conditionner. Hardly worth even a third of the 250 bahts they ask for it. Somehow I passed on this experience and forgot about it.

Until, just now, I was reminded of it. The massager seemed well established in the shop. Perhaps I'm more less naive of massage quality than I used to be. But the massage was rudimentary, apparently applied without any body knowledge, a procedure... actually like most low-grade massage centers in Thailand. I dared asked for warm oil, expecting something more relieving somehow. It felt just like normal oil, but without the need of using hand friction to warm up. And guest what? They charge you double-price for that! Yep. I hadn't looked before. 450 bahts. Under cold A/C again, which defeats the purpose.

Green Bamboo is one of those place that sits on its internet reputation, which has long since expired and is completely outdated. It's time we set the counter back to 0 because they have a long way to go to gain their respect back.

The service was hasty and ambiguous. They first sit you on a chair, clean your feet in a matter of seconds (this is normally the relaxing preliminary) and before even having finished the glass of water they offered you, they push you into a locked to change your clothes for a cheap small towel without any instruction on how to put it. Then you follow them to the three beds infamous air-cond room. If possible, don't let them put you on the last table, since it's right under. The massage follows the same logic: rigid, impassionate, automatic, leaving many areas untouched, abusively repetitive with pointless snapping manoeuvres, and never-ending scalp scrapping. For a hundred bahts I could indulge in this treatment. But four and a half times this is abusive.

Anyways, perhaps it was after all the mistake of not having the traditional Thai massage, which initially was great. A bit like some restaurant have one great cheap food but make money on the drinks and pointless extras.

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