New North Arlington Bowl — Local services in North Arlington

I came here with my paraplegic uncle, Uncle Wheels, and his mail order bride. I was excited to show them a good old fashioned North Arlington time, but it was simply DREADFUL! To begin, I have big feet. I come from a long lineage of clowns, and I require a specific type of prescription bowling shoe. This, coupled with my Uncle’s useless noodle legs, meant that only Svetlana, my Uncle’s beautiful Eastern European consort, needed shoes. The woman at the front desk became enraged, insinuating that people like us were the reason bowling alleys across the nation were failing. To quell this beast’s rabid aggression, I rented two pairs of bowling shoes and a pair of bowling wheels for my Uncle. When we got to our lane, everything seemed fine. We put in our names, the game started, and we started to take our turns. Uncle Wheels was the first to go. (It should be noted here that the lanes have stairs from the table the bowling platform, meaning that every time it was Uncle Wheels’ turn, he had to slam down each step like an old wino.) Anyway, he takes his turn, carefully positions the chair, and proceeds to roll down the lane, rolling a perfect straight shot. At the last moment, someone shoved the ball away with a long stick from behind the pins. We thought that was odd, so we brought it to the attention of the woman at the front desk. “That happens sometimes.” She said. “ It’s an old bowling alley and sometimes we have malfunctions.” “Well,” I began, “if this keeps happening, can we change lanes?” She then retorted in a childish manner, “CHANGE LANES CHANGE LANES!” slamming her palms against the table table with each “LANES.” She explained we couldn’t change lanes as there was a league game going on tonight. ‘Yo mama’ I thought, as there were 11 free lanes, but decided it was in the best interest of my uncle to not allow him to feel like “less of a man,” as he puts it. (Yeah, I know.) Anyway, the stick seldom appeared after that but I noticed the names changed on the computer screen, now appearing as Clown Foot, Meals on Wheels, and, to my confusion, Greek Card, which I took to mean “Green Card,” or perhaps they confused Svetlana’s country of origin. In any case, we would not be deterred. We continued to bowl, doing our best to have a good time out of spite to the bowling authority that seemed to wish ill upon three outcast patrons. This is when things began to escalate. I ordered a pizza from the kitchen, which never arrived, as well as a pitcher of coke. When the pitcher arrived, the man handing it to me said with a sneer, “I hope Pepsi’s okay.” “Yes,” I replied, “that’s fine.” His sneer mutated into a scowl and he knocked the pitcher aside just as I was about to take it. “Sorry, but we’re all out of both.” It was then that I heard a commotion coming from our lane. Apparently, my Uncle had gotten into some sort of confrontation with a group of ghosts. As I rushed to his aid, I realized that these specters were in fact the KKK, and they were having the league game. Apparently, they had complained that my Uncle’s wheels kept squeaking, distracting them from their game. Now, I know my uncle keeps his wheels greasier than an Italian auto body shop, and told them to back off. “This is our ally!” The phantom said, lifting up his robe, revealing his one inch member. Glinting off his third thumb was a perfect game ring. “You see that? This means ‘make like a tree and get outta here.” At this moment the loud speaker asked “the freak show who ordered the floor Pepsi” to leave. Svetlana walked away in a huff, leaving my uncle to undo his bowling wheels alone. I helped him and we proceeded to walk back to my iconic small car, where we found the pizza I had ordered smeared across the windshield, bits of mushroom sticking to the wipers, despite that I had...

Had my daughter's birthday party there. The facilities are out dated but not run down. The main reason for the one star review is the way we were treated by the staff. We were asked to fill out a survey before we even had the opportunity to experience a single thing and was asked to fill it out every few minutes. The ladies that assisted with the party itself were lovely. Within 10 minutes of being at the lane we were told we had to settle the bill. I've never been forced to settle the bill during the party. The staff for the food area was rude and had terrible policies. While being in the room and having a party host we were forced to hand over a debit card that was crudely held onto in the back pocket of the cook. They wouldn't serve pitchers of water but only large bottles of water. When we had to pay for the food part the cook charged a different patrons card that he was also holding onto in his back pocket. As I sat there with him riffling through the various credit cards in his pocket while the staff refunds the incorrect card originally charged: I was wondering how long it was going to take me to check my bank statement to make sure their incompetencies didn't financially rob me.

Besides the party helpers, the remainder of the staff was horribly rude. I've never paid so much money to be treated like a criminal. I'll...

We always go to this bowling alley and today a staff member Mary was very unprofessional. We had two lanes one for adults and one for kids. Kids being kids got a ball stuck in the gutter. When she came to the lane she literally yelled at the kids and got close to my nine years old face and screamed this not a playground. Mind you us the parents where right next to them playing and if she saw something that we didn’t noticed as we was playing she could have approached an adult to share any feedback. However she decided to yell really loud at the kids a nine year old and twelve. As she came out the lane from getting the ball that was stuck; I approached her and told her you don’t have no right to yell at a minor if theirs a problem approach the adult about the kids if something was bothering her or if she had something to say. Mary was very unprofessional as well towards me and yelled at me saying you should be watching your kids. We went back and forth as no matter what the kids were not doing anything wrong just playing as well just because the ball got stuck. I went off on her she slammed the ball on the ball holder. Someone that was playing in the area could off also got hurt from that behavior. This employee was out of line with her actions yelling at a minor just because she had to get a ball...