Dead Man Espresso — Restaurant in Melbourne

Deadman’s Espresso in Southbank. The name alone screams either a gritty crime novel or a warning label. Why is it called Deadman’s? Good question. Maybe it's because the service moves at the speed of rigor mortis. Maybe it’s because you’ll grow old and die waiting for your coffee. Or maybe it’s just edgy branding designed to distract from the chaos unfolding inside.

Let’s get one thing straight. The place is packed. Always. You’ll wait for a table, wait for a menu, wait for someone to notice your raised hand, and then wait some more just to be told they’ll “be right with you,” which is café code for “you’re not getting that flat white anytime soon.”

And yet, somehow, it's all worth it.

The Eggs Benedict is a wild ride. It’s familiar, but not. You’ll recognize the name, but what shows up is less a traditional dish and more a culinary plot twist. The eggs are perfectly poached, the sauce is rich and mysterious, and the base is probably bread but could just as easily be some kind of delicious edible illusion. Is that a hash brown under there? A potato slab? A buttery brick of joy? You won’t know, but you won’t care.

Sure, you might not get what you ordered. You might get something better. Or worse. It’s brunch roulette. Spin the menu, close your eyes, and hope what lands in front of you has eggs on it.

Deadman’s Espresso is not for the impatient, the fragile, or anyone expecting efficiency. But if you're willing to embrace the beautiful mess, question the nature of Eggs Benny, and sip your lukewarm coffee like a philosopher, you just might love it.

It’s chaos. It’s brunch....

I walked into this Cafe which looked hip and groovy. It has a slight grunge vibe about it which suits the South Melbourne feel. The waitress was friendly and obliging. I ordered the French toast and a latte extra hot! Unfortunately the coffee wasn't even Luke warm and not great things can be said about it's flavour. The brioch French toast with berries arrived and looked quite inviting and I had asked for some extra maple syrup. Looks were deceiving however and all this was, was a brioche bun cut in half with some cooked egg and half a strawberry cut into quarters accompanied by some toffee like walnuts which did add some texture to the dish but this was advertised as coming with berries. I was expecting blueberries at least and not one cut into quarters. The brioche bun wasn't the freshest either, and although the toffeeed banana and walnuts added some zing, it wasn't enough to save it! I then ordered their fruit salad and yoghurt, and although the portion looked generous, its contents were a lot to be desired. There was half a strawberry cut into quarters again accompanied by all the melons and bits of apple! I would call this the cheats fruit salad, and it had no flavour whatsoever, and for $16.50, was highway robbery! It was completely unappetising! Where are all the berries, some mango or even kiwi fruit not to mention, citrus fruit! It's very obvious corners are being cut and the kitchen is punching below its weight! Not...

Used to be a regular as it’s close to my place. Not sure what’s changed, ordered my go-to food but, hate to say it - tasted below the average. The price is not cheap, and the weekend surcharge applies now, which boosts it even more - not sure if it’s a good choice for the food like this.

I have never seen a Benedict egg could be overly cooked like this, the egg york is solid 120%, and not a surprise that the egg white is hard like a plastic texture. To be honest I lost my appetite with eggs like this, the well done texture of egg york is just a disaster for a brunch place charges this price. I thought it was an accident, but it’s the same thing on the other tables.

French toast brioche is not soaked with enough egg&milk, which makes half of it dry and plain. And as I ordered it a few times before, I knew it’s supposed to have cream between the slices, however there’s nothing in my dish, which elevates the plainness.

The staff is kind enough to listen advice from the customers, and offered me to swap the dish. I didn’t want to waste the food so I kept my dish, and she offered the discount on my bill and bring my feedback to...