Hella Good — Restaurant in Melbourne

I will never and I mean never forget the day I visited this godforsaken place. The action of purchasing a $1,160 wallet from Louis Vuitton made me abhorrently peckish. As I strolled into the food court, I saw an Asian woman standing outside of this establishment by the name of Lao Lao Tao, who started to jump up and down as if on a pogo stick and wave at me like she was drowning at the beach. My life saver instincts kicked in and I proceeded to belly flop onto the floor to save her. As this was happening however, someone had come to receive their order and I managed to run into them, proceeding to spill 10,000 tonnes of tzatziki all over the place, causing her to actually drown this time. After a clean up crew of 152 women by the name of Min Min cleared the tzatziki, my hunger had grown so much that I rushed to the front of the cue and ordered the Hella big pack, which claimed it fed 1 to 2 people. I quickly received it and discovered it was just a scam. Little did I know that their definition of 1 to 2 people was 1 to 2 armies. Sure I was hungry, but I wasn’t obese. I marched up to the register to get a refund, and a human lightbulb Indian woman grabbed me by my Birkin bag and proceeded to violently throw me onto the spit where she marinated me with oregano and lemon before leaving me to cook for 1 to 2 hours. It was then announced that a secret special was occurring at the restaurant. All of a sudden, the entire Chadstone population flocked to the store, and decided to order the dominated Dominique pack. My flesh was slowly stripped from me to the point I became a skeleton in a year 8 science lab. At that point, I grew slightly irritated and with the strength of a soccer mum watching their kid score a goal, I ripped myself off the spit and screamed “MY JOSEPH🦖🍷✊🏿🍕🥹🦹‍♀️‼️” all of a sudden, my gay emo f boy servant came flying through the vents with a limited edition gucci fire extinguisher and a samurai sword which dates back to Tokugawa period. He eliminated all enemies except one - the lightbulb Indian. She called an electrician to assist her injuries but I grabbed the samurai sword and proceeded to do my finishing move called dominated Dominique super slayer slash. Would not recommend, however the meat was lovely and I will consider returning to shoplift the spit I was once attached to while blasting part of me by Katy Perry on my limited edition...

2.5 Stars ⭐️

Deliveroo had 30% off Hella Good on Wednesdays for selected products so I decided to try them. A more casual offshoot of stalactites, this place offered HSP, gyros and meat platter most likely to drunken ravelers on the corner of Elizabeth and Flinders St at night.

For a Wednesday lunch though, the food offering wasn’t that great. I ordered a mixed (chicken and lamb) Plato, which is a carb free meat platter with salad and chips. Hubby had a HSP with chicken.

The HSP was served with one measly pita that’s at the bottom of the chips, soaking up all the oil. The chicken was tender and flavorful though and the chips were nice.

My mixed Plato could have been quite nice, but the lamb was terribly dry. I was so glad I ordered a mixed so I also got the chicken which was good. I simply couldn’t eat the lamb. Once again the chips were good and the salad really cuts the fattiness of the dish. The salad was kinda fresh but nothing spectacular. Would I pay full price for my dish? Mmmm maybe, but I will definitely consider ordering the Plato for 30% off again, this time with...

Name the souvlakis what they are. Accidentally said the wrong dumb made up name and obviously didn’t get what I actually wanted.

Chicken. Mixed. Lamb. Easy. I guarantee I’m well from the first.

Or, might be nice if your staff confirmed back what you ordered. “Ok the chicken, thanks”.

Is it mostly my fault, sure. Am I having a really bad day and this just pushed me over the edge, yes. But also, ugh.

Edit Actually nah. I don’t take any responsibility. How hard is it to add “ - Lamb” to the end of something. Plus the board is fairly far away to make out from the description point of view (and my contacts prescription is freshhh, 20/20 baby), and the differentiator is in the middle of a paragraph - I’m pretty sure I just saw the word ‘lamb’ in the paragraph of the mixed one. So yeah, your bad.

Also the chicken was gross. Lamb wasn’t great either tbh. Pita was weirdly super greasy. And the wrap was made badly,...