If you’re looking for a place in Bali that combines overpriced drinks with a spectacular sunset and an even more pretentious vibe, look no further than El Kabron!

Upon arrival, we were greeted not with warmth but with the news of minimum spend requirements that felt more like a ransom note than a welcome. Apparently, they have tiers of seating based on how much you’re willing to shell out—because nothing says “relaxing vacation” like being financially bullied.

We settled into our table, which was apparently designed by a committee of giraffes and circus clowns, and found ourselves squished in front of a booth that looked like it survived a 1990s rave gone wrong. The view was indeed stunning, making it almost worth the discomfort. Almost.

After a brief moment of trying to enjoy the ambiance—though “ambiance” is a generous term when the music sounded like a blender malfunctioning at a karaoke night—we decided to stretch our legs and take some photos. That’s when we encountered the staff member who must have graduated from the “How to Be Rude 101” course. “Are you done taking pictures?” they asked, as if we were occupying prime real estate and not just trying to capture the sunset. Flabbergasted, we replied, “What?!”

Their response? “Because you’re blocking the view.” Ah, yes, the exclusive view that we somehow thought was a public sunset! With that, we decided to cut our losses. We didn’t even order drinks—thankfully—before making our escape.

So, if you have a taste for extravagant nonsense and enjoy the company of surgically enhanced party-goers dancing to music that could only be described as an auditory disaster, El Kabron is your spot! Just make sure to bring your wallet and your sense of humor. As for us, we’ll take our sunsets elsewhere!