The Painted Lady — Restaurant in Coventry

In this world of torment, misery and general naff disappointment about everything, we should collectively drop to our knees and thank the gods of booze distribution that the Painted Lady shines bright like a gargantuan, carling-glass shaped beacon of hope and happiness...smothered in saucy pulled pork, and with some garlic prawns lobbed in.

Within moments of entering, your endorphins surge to soak up the breathtaking service, exquisite quality, and decent cheap plonk until you have no alternative but to helplessly succome to the inevitable and allow the place to romance your pleasure sensors like a particularly girthy 'rampant rabbit'* with 4 tellies, a bandit and a disabled bog attached.

(I was only there for 20 minutes 2 days ago and my legs are still quivering.)

I can heartily recommend to everyone, that to enlighten the monotony of a gruelling day, the Painted Lady experience is akin to a bricks and mortar building evolving its own little winkie which then proceeds to wee perpetual tipsyness-inducing euphoria over the bland humdrum of our general existence until your troubles disappear into the drain with those little yellow scented urinal cake things.

The value is exceptional. The green card special offers alone have been responsible for allowing me to save so much money that I can now afford that beach house in Maui. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

At this point you're probably thinking that this sounds too good to be true - and you're right. Now I don't mean to complain, but I would like to raise a small issue. It appears that unfortunately, and (apparently) due to 'circumstances beyond their control' they have to close sometimes. I find this tremendously disappointing, and hope that they can take immediate action to resolve this blatant oversight.

In the meantime, I look forward to my next visit but I now realise that I have to take precautions and ensure my nads are sufficiently flat in advance as I don't think they can take much more of the sheer plum-popping awesomesauce that this place is positively oozing with.

*so I heard. I haven't used one personally....

The Painted Lady was always fully booked at short notice, so I booked well in advance to understand why it was difficult to get a table. It is a local pub not designed for eating. A big bar area and a smaller lounge dining area. Not a place to go to if you want a nice meal with your partner, Phantom Coach nearby is a lot better for a mature couple meal.

We were had a choice of 2 tables underneath the TV and by a children's treat dispense machine. Nothing against families I have a family myself as does my partner but we were not far away from a fire escape door into the beer garden that children in and out would leave open, we had to close it several times.

There was a lovely unoccupied table in the corner unused when we arrived, why were we not offered this? People came in and sat their but they were just drinking. We would have been out of draught and not intrusive on the locals enjoying their local.

Staff fantastic, food fantastic but Sizzling Steak trying to optimise profit in a venue that falls well short compared to a lot of other pubs/eateries...

Went into the painted lady this morning for the first time about 12.20. My wife and myself wanted to have a drink and look at the menu as it looked quite good online,we went into the lounge but was busy so we went into the bar as we did want to take a table from someone that wanted to eat.After waiting for someone to serve us for a five minutes a lady came in and said someone will be with us shortly ad they ate busy in the lounge.After waiting another 5 minutes a different lady came in and said someone will be with you shortly we are busy in the lounge.After another couple of minutes and no sign of anyone we left,it's a shame you can't be treated the same as anyone that's eating in a pub now,won't...