New Crown Hotel — Restaurant in South Tyneside

I wasn’t looking for glory. I wasn’t looking for dragons. I was looking for soup.

And Chef Paul delivered.

My waiter emerged from the kitchen in a cloud of steam and swagger, wearing a facial expression that read “Simmer Down Now” and holding a bowl like it was the Holy Grail. He set it in front of me with the gravitas of a man who knew his stock was strong enough to punch a ghost in the face.

“Soup” he said.

“What is it?”

“Hot liquid that's somehow a meal"

Now, I’ve had good soup. I’ve had soup that made me weep. But this soup… this soup whispered, “You are loved” in a language only your taste buds understand. My life flashed before my eyes and gave me a standing ovation.

As I reached the bottom of the bowl, thunder cracked. The pub shuddered. Pint glasses danced across tables. Old Bert in the corner didn’t even blink — just muttered, “Bloody weather,” and kept sipping his pint.

Chef Paul, however, went stiff as overcooked noodles.

“It’s happening,” he whispered.

“What’s happening?” I asked, napkin still tucked into my shirt like a soup bib of destiny.

“The Dragon. The Prophecy. You’re the Chosen One.”

“Am I, though?”

Before he could explain, the pub wall exploded inwards. Everyone froze. Except Old Bert, who glanced over, muttered, “Not again,” and turned back to his crossword.

From the rubble emerged a dragon the size of a double-decker bus, with eyes like burning coals and a roar that rattled the crisps off the shelf.

“WHO HAS CONSUMED THE SOUP OF PROPHECY?” it bellowed.

I instinctively raised my hand. The dragon squinted at me.

“Him?” it said. “He looks like he gets winded using stairs.”

“I’m very brave when sitting down,” I replied.

Chef Paul handed me something. Not a sword. Not a shield. A ladle.

“This is the Ladle of Truth,” he said. “Infused with the Bouillon of Bravery. Go. Fulfill your destiny.”

“Can I at least finish my pint first?”

“No.”

Outside The New Crown, the battle began.

The dragon swooped, fire spewing in elegant arcs. I dodged, tripped over a traffic cone, and accidentally flung gravy from my magical ladle into its eye.

It screamed. The air shimmered. The gravy sizzled into a cloud of confusion and minor shame.

The ladle glowed. It was working.

Each time I swung it, something inconvenient happened to the dragon. Its wings turned into Yorkshire puddings. Its claws transformed into chicken dippers. Its tail became a very long sausage roll.

“STOP LADLING ME!” it screamed.

“Then stop setting things on fire, you scaly bellend!”

We fought across the town. Through the chip shop, over the car park, into that seafood place (where no one noticed), and finally onto the village green.

With one final swing, I smacked it square on the nose. A golden wave of chicken broth burst out like divine gravy. The dragon sighed, curled up like a massive toasted croissant, and said:

“That was actually delicious.”

Then it passed out, snoring fire into a picnic bench.

The world was safe. The New Crown got national coverage and tripled its Tuesday takings. I was offered a seat in Parliament, which I declined because I don’t trust chairs that expensive.

I still go every Wednesday.

When I walk in, and the barmaid always nods and says:

“Fancy saving the world again?”

And I always reply:

“Only if it comes with a pint of...

We held our daughters engagement party in the function suite from 5.30 -12.00, The room was all set up for us with tablecloths and chair covers and we were allowed access from opening to decorate the room with balloons etc. The staff were all amazing! Nothing was too much trouble and the bar staff worked really hard as we had approximately 100 people there at one time. They were friendly, efficient and polite at all times, providing a space for us to store presents and cards. We provided our own buffet because at the time of booking it wasn't an option to have this provided by the New Crown but again, the staff were so helpful with clearing up etc. The DJ was arranged for us and we were allowed to leave the presents overnight. Even the following day when we went back to collect our belongings the staff couldn't have been more helpful and friendly, chatting with us about the party and telling us they had enjoyed working with us. I honestly could not recommend this venue enough! Mainly because of the fantastic hardworking staff and if I were ever to host another event The New Crown would definitely be my first choice. Well done to everyone involved, from us first viewing the room to being allowed to pop in to check on things to the actual night itself and the day after. First...

• ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE - DO NOT GO! * Went for Sunday Lunch on 30th January 2022 - Firstly the child's meal was not available (pizza?) - THEN after around a 45 minute wait (Pub was not busy at all - unsure on delay??) the food arrived. WHERE DO I START - Absolutely disgusting ! The mother in law complained about the burnt Yorkshire Pudding which crumbled into pieces, this was replaced by a slightly "lightly done" pudding (still burnt edges!) The carrots were so hard and not cooked properly, around 10 sad looking hard garden peas , 5 burnt oiled tasting roast potatoes, and the beef (processed) was given to the dog who refused to eat it! HORRENDOUS.... Whilst attempting to speak politely to the staff to express my concerns, she was rudely interrupted at least twice by other members of staff asking her various questions - very unprofessional and frustrating! I honestly feel that my complaint was not taking seriously and I STRONGLY advise that if you do choose to visit this Pub - "DO NOT" get the food - it certainly "IS NOT" cooked fresh.

• ALSO - I don't even think this qualifies for * 1 star, however, in order to actually write this review you need to select at least 1 star to post! *

EXTREMELY...