Let me set the scene: It’s 12am. Just got off work. There’s very slim pickings for food. McDonald’s, maybe Ingles.. but WAIT!! the good ole, always open 24/7, trusty waffle house!

I call the store, mouth already salivating in expectation of that greasy deliciousness. I heard the tell-tale click of someone picking up the landline from the receiver. I’m anxious - Are they going to judge me for my late night I-hate-myself-and-clearly-don’t-value-my-health meal? Alas, I’ll never know.. because the phone was slammed back onto the receiver with same quickness I employed when dialing the number.

That was a failure. Okay. Time for Plan B. I decided to come to the store and order. When I arrived, I noticed a serious lack of vehicles in the lot. There’s only one. That being me, myself, and I. I make my way to the door. Grab the handle. It is locked. The associate mimes the signal reminiscent of throat cutting to indicate they are closed.

I’m confused. My good ole trusty Waffle House has finally let me down. Closed? Can’t believe it! But why? Waffle House is known for their standard of being open when nothing else is. Even in a blizzard. I’m even more vexxed because I don’t understand how this employee is making a meal on the grill for themselves if they are truly closed. Now, granted, I did mention the lack of cars, and this gentleman IS here by himself.

But if it’s truly closed… why is he here at all?

I suspect I’ve been deceived in order for someone to lighten their load. How unfortunate.