Emilio's Stone Fired Pizzeria — Restaurant in Darien

Alright — here’s a longer, still fictional, one-star pizza review dripping with disappointment and sarcasm:

"I wouldn’t wish this pizza on my worst enemy… unless my worst enemy was really hungry."

Let me start by saying I’m not a picky eater. I’ve eaten gas station sandwiches, frozen dinners from the 90s, and even one suspicious taco from a questionable food truck at 2 a.m. — all without complaint. But this pizza? This pizza broke me.

I ordered a large pepperoni with extra cheese. What arrived at my door looked like it had been emotionally defeated before it even left the oven. The crust was both soggy and somehow stale, like it had traveled back and forth through time collecting humidity from every era. The sauce… if I can even call it that… tasted like someone whispered the word “tomato” near a pot of warm water. The pepperoni was so greasy that when I tilted the box, I could’ve drained enough oil to lube a bicycle chain.

The cheese was the real crime, though. It wasn’t melted — it was congealed. It clung to the crust in clumps, daring me to bite into it. I tried. I regretted it. It had the stretch of chewed bubblegum left under a desk in a high school classroom for a decade.

Delivery was an adventure in itself. Estimated arrival time: 30 minutes. Actual arrival time: 1 hour and 47 minutes. By the time it came, I had given up hope, considered eating cereal for dinner, and briefly contemplated learning how to make bread from scratch. The delivery driver handed me the box like it was a live grenade he couldn’t wait to get rid of.

Final verdict: If this pizza were a movie, it would be a low-budget horror film where the villain is the crust and the plot twist is that you already paid for it. I wouldn’t order again if they paid me.

⭐ 1/5 — and that one star is for the box, which at least kept the pizza from escaping into the wild.

I can also make you an even more absurd, satirical meltdown-style review that reads like the customer is emotionally spiraling over this pizza. That could...

My family absolutely love this place. This is our new go to spot for pizza. The pizza is the best in Darien and Norwalk. We live in Norwalk and have struggled for years to find a go to until Emilio opened up this place.

The pizza is on point. The sauce is not to sweet and so fresh. The cheese is not oily and does not make a greasy pie. The crust is thin and crisp. If you buy a thin crust. Don't get me started on the Grandma slices. OH MY GOD!. The Fresh Cheese and Basel rock my socks. My kids cant get enough of this pizza.

The wings are great, not over cooked, and the sauces are really tasty. The Cesar salads are fresh and delicious and they don't include roasted red peppers, which for some reason people around this area like to include.

The staff and owner are extremely friendly and welcoming. and the location is very clean.And the price, the price is on point, we can afford coming back every week. This place...

I ordered a plain slice to go and there was a couple in front of me picking up a to go order. The women in the front was chatting them up, they paid cash, got their food and left. As I sat there I saw the women and man counting cash with bare hands. Another mother and daughter come in and order 2 slices, the women grabs the pizza with her bare hands AFTER handling money. When she opens the pizza oven she sees my burnt pizza, looks at me and asks, “did you order a slice?” I said yes I did, she then proceeds to tell me it’s going to be longer. Mind you I’ve already waited 14 minutes. I politely decline and leave. Unprofessional and unsanitary. I will...