Panda Express — Restaurant in Edina

I come here a lot and I am always satisfied. On this lonely Monday I was feeling down after a soft day's work so I wanted my favorite sugar meat.

The food met my expectations as it has in the past. I add-on wontons when I really want to treat myself. Panda has the food court dining experience down to a science. Temperature not too cold but just slightly under how hot it could be. Like if it was hotter it might taste better but this temp allows you to really shovel it into your maw at a fair pace to minimize the time you spend vulnerable in a food court sitting with a warped plastic tray of chow mien for all to see.

I was about to reach the point of regret. That 2/3 of the way finished why-did-I-order-this mindset that we all know however, it never came. No regret, no introspective on the life choices that lead me to that moment. Little did I know what was going to change my mood.

I always leave my fortune cookie until the end because I'm not a sociopath. I like to end my meals with a sweet treat just like any other hard working red blooded American. This is where we come to my aforementioned 2-star experience.

I break the cookie in half as we all do. I pause... is it a cookie? It's certainly not a biscuit. Almost a sugary cracker trying adamantly to be acknowledged as a superior pastry. It keeps a secret with the power to engage the diner. A revelation to be read by one person, usually two after the obligatory "oh nice mine says.." to which we either roll our eyes at the low hanging platitude or we sort of tilt our head in affirmation. "Yeah. I like this one." We might tell ourselves. Maybe its so close to the heart that we fold it up and subtly slip it into a pocket to later take its place on the mirror behind the vanity. A small token of brevity to see while we get ready, not knowing what the day will bring.

But today, I was robbed of that comfortable experience provided uniquely by the fortune. I cracked the capsule only to find what? A misprinted tab of paper with only the futile "learn Chinese" side? If I could be so lucky. Inside the cookie was absolutely nothing. Simply a cold void. The fortune is what makes the fortune cookie a cookie after all. Without the small scribe of half-hearted wisdom its a snack aimlessly out of place. A baked good destined for a kitchen drawer next to the mild and hot sauce packets. The faded Old Navy sweatshirt in the middle school lost and found.

And that's what I ended my meal with. Just a hapless cracker. No fortune. No advice. No direction. Just a treat without the one thing that validates its drab existence . It had no soul to bear. No gift to offer me for my travels. No fruit ever so ripe I've tasted it a thousand times. None of it.

Did the cookie without fortune posses the self awareness to know it was meant to carry words beyond its own comprehension? Is it is possible I ingested the note without realizing it? Certainly not.

Alas, I sit here alone in the Southdale food court as the custodial staff sprays down the surrounding tables, straightening the chairs as they work. I am left with nothing to contemplate. Nothing to dismiss because of my hubris that discounts any banality found inside a culturally appropriated dough pocket. Nothing to save, maybe to slip into loved one's purse whom I know it will resonate with. Instead I'm here typing up this google review for Panda Express on my iPhone 6s to eventually share it on Twitter so I can show my measly 200 followers that I, in fact “get it.” So I take my napkin and scoop up the cream cheese that oozed from the wonton as a result of my first bite. Gather the rest of the debris onto the tray and dispose of it, put on my jacket and return...

I think this location is great. I feel like it's less hectic than mall of america which is closeby so that's a plus. Then again I'm not sure how it looks like on Friday-Sunday between 3pm-closing.

My issue is that it's pricier to eat here because I am a huge drinker of water. It's free at every other location except maybe mall locations? A 2.40 dollar bottle of water is not enough to keep me from being thirsty after a meal. I drink a lot of water. I would need at least 2 bottled waters which is basically 5 dollars.

I don't care about soda so coming to eat here is a negative if I can't get free water. The extra charge isn't worth it. If you love soda, and order a large drink then it probably won't matter to...

This is a very weird Panda Express. Every time I have gone, even when it's peak lunch/dinner time they only have half of the options made. There seems to always be a steady stream of customers as well...not a line throughout the lobby by any means but still.

Another thing is the last time I came whoever was making the food burnt most of the food. I got orange chicken and it was like eating chewy burnt caramel. I also wanted to try the new almond chicken and it was obnoxious watching the lady sift through what was good looking fresh chicken to get all of the old burnt pieces out. It should have just been thrown out!

I think I'll stick to the Richfield...