Stella's Lounge — Restaurant in Grand Rapids

Monotony is the death of passion. There are few things in life I care about. Liberty. Cats. The music of Ritchie Blackmore. Onion rings. Just like nonstop Deep Purple can make me tire of the sonorous sounds of the Man in Black, eating too many onion rings can make me lose passion for the grand endeavor.

I was eager for a change. A fresh take, or a new presentation. I think I may have found that in the onion rings from Stella's Lounge. Thank you once again to Sola Cepa super-fan Patrick Oetting for accompanying me. Read on.

Presentation and Appearance: 3.5/5

Ordinarily, I don't like the trendy restaurant style of odd or "unique" plating for the sake of being different. That said, in light of my new found hope for a change-of-pace in the otherwise stagnant realm of onion rings, I was pleased with the slight twist on presentation. Rather than a plastic (or wicker) basket, these were plated in what resembled a pie tin! What fun.

But really, the presentation was about the same as usual. I did ding it a tad because, as you can see in the picture, my onion rings arrived with one resting atop the pool of "angry mayo" dipping sauce. It speaks to a basic lack of care, or unneeded haste, in plating.

The onion rings themselves were two shades darker than the standard golden brown, perhaps "earth-brown." The dark brown was surprisingly unique, and inviting (though I may have been fooled by the dimly lit interior of Stella's Lounge.) A handful were cracked, another minus. A pair of rings were oddly fried together, with one onion ring stuck INSIDE another. The irregularity of the onion ring breading strangely suited them, perhaps in line with my new hunger for something to break up the monotony of the mundane.

Taste: 4/5

In another in a run of pleasant surprises, these onion rings had terrific seasoning in the batter. Though I couldn't taste out the specific flavors, the seasoning blended together into a strong and cohesive whole. The onion, unfortunately, had a fairly weak taste. It was slight, but certainly pleasant. The strong breading flavor made up for it.

Despite the weak onion taste, the rings were pleasantly plump and juicy. The taste, overall, was smooth and subtle. The accompanying "angry mayo" dipping sauce was appropriately spicy and creamy, and was a good complement to the onion rings themselves.

Texture: 4.5/5

The onion rings bordered dangerously on the line of becoming hollow, with puffs of air standing in for substance between a thin breading and a thinner onion. This was not the case at all. I throw around the word "crunch" a whole lot when I review onion rings, so I find myself forced to concoct a new turn of phrase to describe the delightful texture of these rings. I'll go with "The Triple C," Crisp, Crunchy, and Clean.

Nearly every bite of these onion rings had "The Triple C" (or alternatively, "The C Factor.") My companion, Patrick, described them as "a crunch worthy of a Pringle's commercial." Indeed, the crunch was almost like a potato chip. It was thin and easily collapsed in the face of a bite, but somehow, the onion ring still maintained its shape.

The onion itself had a lightly sweated, somewhat soft texture, but it thankfully avoided becoming overly mushy. The texture of these onion rings was wholly unique, and in many ways, a strange enigma I will never unravel as long as I live.

I docked half a point for one outlying onion ring: the double ring mentioned above. The entire thing collapsed under the weight of its own hubris, leaving me with a handful of breading and a heap of onion resting haphazardly in the basket.

Value: 4/5

Though the price was a moderate (for the trendy, urban atmosphere I found myself in) price at $5.50, the quality was well-above average in all respects.

These onion rings were truly unlike any other I've ever had, and that's a good thing. They have rejuvenated me to continue on my never-ending quest to test the Onion Ring Standard, this time, with a little bit more wisdom than before.

Total:...

As new GR residents, we had a bad first impression of this place despite wanting to love it. Want to note that the bar staff were super hospitable - we had a great time at the bar.

We were unfortunately seated with a less than hospitable server, (she was a dirty blonde, wearing chrome eye glasses and her front temple was shaved down), who made us feel super unwelcome after she ignored us and refused to provide service for more than 15 minutes - despite greeting the table who was seated next to us after only a few minutes.

When we finally asked if she was our server, she admitted that she was and she didn’t provide a reason for the delay and her attitude was simply “oh well” - until we asked for her name. Then suddenly she was apologetic.

We are industry, we get that things happen and we didn’t make a fuss at all during the wait time. It was the fact that she made direct eye contact with us several times and still avoided ever coming to the table she knew was in her section that caused the issue.

What made this experience egregious was her pandering to the table she did attend that were seated after us. She proceeded to cry and thank them for verbally attacking my husband and I - as if she was the one who had been mistreated. It was absolutely bizarre - only for her to be all smiles minutes later once we decided to leave her section and return to the bar for better service.

Mind you, we simply asked for her name to let a manager know about the situation and she refused to provide it - at the advice of the belligerent guests she preferred to serve.

She gives this place a bad name and we definitely felt it was because we were an interracial couple; however, the floor manager did speak with us to apologize and for that reason alone - I would be willing to give this place another shot...

Please read this review if you want to know about the poor quality of Stella's staff.

The drinks and karaoke are great. Unfortunately there was a woman who did not like something that the person sitting next to me had said, and found it appropriate to direct expletives at me, unprovoked. It's clear she had too much to drink, as she squirted mustard all over my clothes (see picture).

I told the bartender who promptly brought it to the attention of the manager. The manager seemed very kind and offered to get me a new shirt to wear, and asked me to wait outside. At this point I would still give Stella's a five star review. Afterall, it's not their fault that this incident occurred.

But I waited outside for 25 minutes waiting for a new shirt. I came back into the bar 5 minutes before close and was told quite nastily that I had to leave. I kindly asked about the shirt I was promised, and I was once again told with an extremely rude sneer that I had to leave immediately, as if I was some social pariah. And the woman who had squirted me with mustard was still sitting at the bar.

I'm a bartender myself, and I understand that some situations are outside your control. People drink and get carried away, and there's no winning in a he said / she said argument. But the nasty sneer and attitude I was given by the Stella's manager after waiting almost half an hour outside was actually worse than the bar incident itself. It lacked compassion, courtesy, and basic human decency.

I don't care about the mustard. I don't care about my ruined clothes or the promised shirt. But I cannot just ignore the horrible way I was treated by Stella's staff. This is the first and only review I've ever left anywhere. But unfortunately all I can do is leave a bad review and make others think twice...