Jade Chinese Restaurant — Restaurant in Hudson

The Ancient greek poet Hesiod and the ancient Sumerians had tales of a trickster human named Prometheus who stole fire from the gods, however recent archaeological discoveries of greek writing and new cross generational language translation programs have better translated their stories in recent times. These stories have previously been translated incorrectly. It Is not “Prometheus stole fire from the gods” but rather “Prometheus ordered a Big Meal D8, with Chicken Chow Mein, from Jade Chinese”.

What is a Big meal you might ask? A big meal is just that, a Big Meal. Weighing in at 2.75lbs of chinese food (yes I have checked) for only 11.95, the big meal is the largest amount of chinese food you can conceivably purchase for the lowest price, this side of the Yangtze River. The Big meal is so large in fact that it is literally both emotionally and physically impossible to finish it within a single sitting. Eating more than two thirds of a big meal in one sitting will actually trigger a chemical reflex in the brain to sleep, so strong that it is comparable to benzodiazepines used for elephant sedation, and it is currently being researched by several Johns Hopkins and Harvard medical teams as an alternative sedative for medically induced comas, and longer duration invasive surgery. In fact the single only time I, or anyone else, attempted to finish a big meal was in 2015, and within 15 minutes I blacked out so hard that when I awoke Donald John Trump was somehow president. Research into the big meal has also been heavily shrouded in mystery.

The cooks at Jades chinese are rumored to have been excommunicated from a secret order of Chinese monks for creating a dish they called “Moderately Large Meal Portion” this meal itself being smaller than the big meal at only 1.25lbs. The chinese monks at their order were so appalled at this gargantuan creation they banished them from the order. When they came to the USA and settled down in Harvard MA and vowed to take revenge on the order and create a meal even larger they then dubbed the Big Meal.

As recently as 2018 a team of MIT graduate physics students attempted to delve deeper into the creation of the Big Meal as a means of uncovering a possible link to dark matter due to the Big Meals near impossible density. They found that after ordering a Big meal over the phone, despite being told numerous occasions that the food would always take 15 minutes to be ready, it was ready in as little as 3, albeit the food was also nearly 300 degrees celsius. As such that same MIT graduate team is now looking into using early pick up big meals as a potential alternative energy source.

In terms of quality there are no others that even come close to the quality of the Big Meal. The Big Meal is so good in fact, that if my pancreas were to suddenly and violently rupture as a result of the hyperglycemia of eating more than 3/4ths of a big meal, and should I drop dead, I know that when I awoke in heaven I would still be eating the same Big Meal.

As I sit in my office chair still completely full from the half Big Meal I ate three days ago I have zero regrets about the potential thousands of dollars I have spent at Jade Chinese over the past 4 years.

5...

I placed a large delivery order online on New Year's Eve, expecting it to be busy and for there to be a wait. My card was charged immediately for the order. I forgot to request extra duck sauce so I called to ask for extra duck sauce to be added when they delivered. A child answered the phone (when I later entered the restaurant there was a kid roughly 9-10 behind the counter, I'm guessing that is who I was talking to). The child told me they could not send extra sauce but the order would come with some, but he couldn't tell me how much. After speaking to this kid for several minutes, a woman got on the phone and I again explained that I wanted to add extra duck sauce to my order. She proceeded to look up my order and tell me she was going to cancel it because they were too busy to deliver to me. They had $150 already taken from my card and she was canceling my order. I ended up having to go to the restaurant, after successfully ordering online, including a delivery fee and generous tip already being charged. When I got there to pick it up, there were half a dozen people there, disgruntled because orders they had placed and been promised were not ready. One customer said they has been there for 30 after the promised time and when she asked when the food would be ready, the woman manning the counter and the phone ignored her. There was another customer outside on his cell as i was leaving, telling someone on the other end that they had told him it would be another 45 minutes, again after the promised time. He also stated that they had been "giving him an attitude." After driving to pick up my delivery order, I then had to argue to get the delivery fee and tip refunded. They also charged me an addition $5 for 2 containers of duck sauce.

I like their food but by the time I returned home, I had lost my appetite. I don't know that I will ever order from this place again after this interaction. I gave 2 stars because my family enjoyed the food, the service...

Ok, so I want to be frank here. They need to clean up inside. Anyone who has ever gone there can see the layers up dust built up over the counter, the Buda, the decorations. For the food itself it’s a 4/5. The wife unfortunately did get sick afterwards, so the score falls to a 3/5 for the food. The staff is friendly, but they need to pay better attention to detail. I once sat there for 10 minutes waiting for my order, that was on the counter the the lady never saw. Staff gets a 3/5. Now the vibe inside. That’s a 0/5. Jade staff, if you read this review, please clean up the restaurant. The food is good, but your restaurant needs a face lift. Even if you only do pickups, or most of the profit is pickups, the restaurant should still look inviting for you to eat the food. I want to see you guys grow, but your being held down right now by quality control of the food, and you need a...