Friends and Lovers — Restaurant in New York

I've been going to this bar for at least 7 years, I used to consider numerous employees there if not friends then lovely acquaintances who I would always go and say hi to before anything else. Usually, I endeavour to bring friends with me who have never been so that F&L gets more patrons. I never use a disrespectful tone or language, and whenever I exit the smoking area at the back I try to bring in empty glasses/cans/bottles to help a bit with the clean up. I will not name any names because even if I am not viewed as worthy of any basic decency and respect, I refuse to reproduce any of that energy.

I have three questions regarding the last time I went in,.

Why was it that the bouncer was commenting negatively about me as if I wasn't there to my male friend when we were entering? Didn't think that was his business at all. When I tried to check him he said something rude and then went on talking to my friend about me as if I wasn't standing right there using very sexist language. I did not know this bouncer.

Why was it that immediately after giving me my order one bartender who's been there for years thought it was alright to go and talk about me to another bartender when I was standing right there waiting to pay?

And why is it that I have seen men openly stalk women around a room, the women look afraid and uncomfortable and there will be a manager close by but those men are never thrown out? There was a skinny little brown man who stayed within 5 feet of a woman while she was dancing towards the end one night at all times even though the floor was mostly empty and he didn't know any of her friends or her. She kept moving around the room because she was afraid and he kept following her. Hopefully he didn't keep up the behaviour when she left, because no one cared about her safety.

Last time I went in, my face got grabbed by some random huge white man very roughly when I was walking by. I pulled away in shock and he grabbed my face again and tilted it upwards. I pulled away and went and stood by the front bar, terrified and triggered.

My last question, this one to you, would it have made sense to bring this up with the bouncer who saw me as less than human because of my gender? Would the bartenders - who had something to say about me when all I was doing was ordering a drink using the same courtesy and cheerfulness as always - have done anything ?

The last time I was present when someone else got aggressive at a bartender, I checked in with the person who got yelled at and the others on shift to make sure they were ok and offer support if possible. I have always seen them as not just human but wonderful humans and try to make sure they feel that way especially on Friday and Saturday nights. I used to be so happy to see some people who worked there.

don't know what changed and why, but this is not a save space for women or queers. There are a lot of other spots in that area and other parts of Brooklyn that aren't so sexist/racist/toxic/physically and emotionally...

Where do I start? 🤔 I’ve been going to Friends and Lovers for about eight years, and honestly, it’s my go-to spot whenever I want a night out. The vibe is always drama-free. In all these years, I’ve never once seen a fight. I always feel comfortable here, and not once have I ever felt harassed or unsafe.

The security team deserves credit for that. There’s a tall bouncer who towers over everyone and is always on alert, making sure people are having fun and staying safe. Even small things, like spills on the floor, are taken care of right away.

I usually go for their Latin nights, which I think happen about once a month, but I also love their Afrobeat and Afro house nights with DJ Uproot Andy. he always packs the place and creates such an incredible energy. If you’re particular about music, definitely check their Instagram beforehand because they host different genres on different nights.

The venue itself is awesome: two bathrooms, a spacious bar, and a great layout that makes it easy to dance or just hang out. It’s the perfect place to unwind and let loose.

One thing that stands out for me personally is how safe and welcoming it feels. I’ve never gone to a lounge alone before, but one night I just needed to get out and none of my friends were free. I felt completely comfortable going solo here, which says a lot.

On top of all that, Friends and Lovers is women-owned and proudly queer-friendly, which only adds to the inclusive, positive vibe of the space.

Overall, Friends and Lovers is just a gem fun, safe, and full of good energy. I can’t...

Haven’t had a good experience here since before 2020. Not sure what changed but staff is in need of customer service training, and the crowds this place attracts now with their subpar acts are horrible people who clearly don’t know how to comport themselves. If you’re going to let people use in your restrooms, at least have two restrooms. Colored lights unfortunately never stopped anyone from using. Anyone in nightlife worth anything knows this. Not judging the pwud; I’d want to use too if I had to sit through my friends horrible dj set and there was nobody of interest. This is turning into a gross, fratty type of place, which is very unfortunate. Possibly a case of managers with bad taste and good old fashioned gentry racial prejudice? I’ve also seen management respond to reviews. Before you type or delete a comment, maybe read a book, like any book, about nyc and listen to byrell the great or something. People who run clubs should have to take a test or something to prove they have the acumen and knowledge to run a place...