Red Hook Tavern — Restaurant in New York

This is the first review I have ever written. I grew up a couple neighborhoods over from Red Hood and decided to check this new spot out one night with my wife for a casual anniversary dinner on a Tuesday night. They sit us 3 feet from the entrance on a cold evening (somewhat tolerable) with a couple sitting at the window next to us in an uncomfortable proximity to where we were sitting (also somewhat tolerable). This was understandable, even for a Tuesday night, given the hype this place has received. However, given that this was a special night for us, I decided to ask the hostess if we could sit at the table adjacent to ours that was unoccupied. Before I continue, I will mention that we had not touched the place settings, and had just taken off our coats. Also, no other parties were waiting to be sat at that table. So I figured, this shouldn’t be a problem, right? Well I was wrong. The hostess responded that it is a “restaurant policy that once you have sat down you could not ask to be moved to another table”. I asked her if she had an explanation as to why this was a policy, as I barely ask for my table to be moved once I have sat down, but when I have in the past it has never been a problem. She came back 10 min later to tell me that the manager said we could not sit at the table next to us (although it was still unoccupied at this point), but she was willing to give us bar seating (which technically is switching seating, aside from downgrading us, but that’s besides the point). I declined the offer, respectfully of course. Strike one. Confused and already disappointed with this “local gem”, I decided to swallow my Brooklyn pride and hopefully the dinner would make up for it. Well, the food was ok, but not great. I am not here to discuss the food itself. In between courses, the table next to us was being recklessly wiped down in a rush by the bus boy who wiped half of the table remainings onto my (then) new pants which have since been thrown out. Strike two. At this point, I’m in need of a second glass of wine so I ask the waiter (who at this point was the only pleasant part of this whole experience) for a second glass of a dry red. The manager comes over to apologize, not for “strike one”, but because they ran out of the red I was drinking and recommended another similar dry red. I said that would be fine and it was brought over. When the check came, I noticed that the second glass of wine I had ordered for myself was not on the bill, so I said to my wife, “Oh that was nice of them, it doesn’t cost them much but treating me to a glass of wine is a nice apologetic gesture on their part”. As soon as I say this the waiter runs back to tell me that he had to rescan my card to add the glass of wine that “the manager forgot to punch in”. Ok, strike three, you’re out! Well, I will end my story here. This is the story of a disappointed local who was expecting a pleasant night at the hyped up addition to a blue-collar neighborhood I grew up loving. Instead, I got a taste of new wave, hipster, pretentious service that has no place in a borough as classy as Brooklyn. My recommendation, do not stuff your patrons (especially locals who could become loyal customers) inside your restaurant like sardines, and be willing to work with them when you can tell they are upset...

I certainly have a few reservations regarding this establishment, and it had been on my want-to-go list for quite a while! However based on my observation I don't think they'll care much about my feedback. A) They open at 5pm, that's understandable but those waiting on line outside could have been allowed inside to shield from sweltering heat. I mean, Minetta Tavern is a similar establishment in Village, also known for their (better?) burger. They, too, open at 5 but seat people at the bar well beforehand. When we arrived we found staff pretty much standing around waiting for the clock to hit 5. Ridiculous... B) That tone remained true through the dining experience, we were told we could not substitute dressing from one of their salads for the other because "the chef wouldn't like that” um, is the chef going to pay for my dinner?? Furthermore, when a salad in lieu of fries with the burger was chosen, dressing on the side was an option. So wait, the salad CAN be ordered undressed! So...??? but I digress C) I found the general vibe of the place to be pretentious; to the point that my Brooklyn accent could almost be perceived as offensive. I may be wrong but based on the amount of earth tone clothing and spray tanned orange patrons, I don't think a single person there was an original New Yorker or Brooklynite. I caught major middle America vibes reminiscent of suburban Michigan or Connecticut. D) As far as the food goes, I had the prawns (they seemed more like head-on shrimp to me but...) they were delicious but a pretty small portion, I inquired re: being carb conscious but wasn't informed they came with an ample stack of bread (I hate wasting bread; it's a crime in several eastern cultures) which I had to discard. The burger was admittedly delicious and well balanced albeit a bit under seasoned for my taste. Also american cheese being the only option is understandable but only if no other cheese appears on the menu (i.e. if the kitchen stocks no other) for an institution with a cheese plate on the menu, this is, again, in my opinion, a bit pretentious. E) Again, I can't help but compare this TAVERN (that's famous for their burger) to Minetta TAVERN (a place even MORE famous for their burger); both have rules, hours of operation and reputations to uphold (although one is far more famous and well established than the other), however I find that in comparing the two, to find the one located in Brooklyn to be the more pretentious than the one in the Village to be upsetting and unnecessary. This isn't hipster Bushwick or Williamsburg, it's a tavern in Red Hook, we can be artisan and hip without being pretentious and snobby. This place could benefit from booting some of the transients and hiring a few locals with some charisma (I believe there is a nearby bodega run by locals with charisma that has millions of TikTok-ers lined up outside for hours. Just sayin…). And if it is in fact being ruled over by persincity chef, they might stand to have a word with him on the importance of customer satisfaction over...

This is lowkey a hard review to write, and it reminds me of when people asked me my opinion of Oppenheimer, which was widely regarded to be Nolan's "magnum opus" and the "movie of the year." I feel like all the hype led me to leave the theatre kind of underwhelmed.

At the end of the day, Oppenheimer IS a great movie, but really it's just a dramatization of a biography, and how good can a biography REALLY be? And in the realm of movies where there's genres like horror, action-adventure, comedies, crimes, etc, how does Oppenheimer stack up?

That's how I felt going in to try Red Hook Taverns burger. At the end of day, it's just a patty with cheese, some white onions, buns, and that's IT. No toppings, no condiments, no nonsense, no frills, just the bare bones. Now in the realm of burgers, can you really call this the best burger in NYC?

And I think the only way I can properly answer this is with a series of Q&A's

Is it a good burger? Yes, the more I ate it, the more I enjoyed it.

What does it taste like? Straight up it just tastes like good quality beef, and the only thing to note really is that theres a nice peppery crust to it but other than that, it's not complex.

Does the taste alone merit the $30 price tag? No, but I understand that the quality of beef and dry age might warrant the heftier price.

Is it the best burger in NYC? 1000% No.

Is it the best TAVERN/pub style burger in NYC? Possibly? This is an omega subjective question but I would say it's definitely in the conversation.

Would I come back to Red Hook Tavern JUST for the burger? Absolutely not. BUT I would return here with a group of friends because I definitely think it's worth trying out and making your own opinion of it, and also I'd like to try their other menu items like the Country Ham Croquettes, Wedge Salad, and Mussels. Plus I think that like Oppenheimer, I might enjoy it the second time around after having my expectations managed

Side note: I really liked the shape of the fries, almost like chips with ridges. If they were just a tad bit saltier, they could easily by my favorite fries OAT.

Another side note: I know I can't be the only one that feels like this but I feel like ordering a burger medium rare is weird. I would def order it medium or even medium-well if you want it to taste like anything...