China Lantern — Restaurant in Pueblo

Had to order food to feed a group during a medical emergency and spent money I didn’t have with China Lantern buying several items, appetizers and entrees.

The apps were great. Delicious. Fought over because the entrees were downright nasty.

Beef lo mein swimming in grease/oil, with hacked up noodles an inch or two long - like the dregs of a lo mein chafing dish at the all-you-can-eat-buffet that make you want to wait til the fresh batch comes out.

1/2” super-thin pieces of beef I had to dig to even find, so fatty I had to swallow them twice: first the piece I wanted to swallow then the other half dragged along by fat I couldn’t chew through. I ate two pieces and decided the slimy meat didn’t merit the choking risk.

Shrimp fried rice, smelling so much like yesterday’s fish, even indiscriminate children who eat off the floor, and for whom the special treat was ordered, wouldn’t eat it.

None of us wanted it, nor did I want to waste both the food and the money. We passed it on, still hot, to unhoused people who would actually appreciate it. If I was hungry enough and it was handed to me free, I’d have eaten it, too.

Problem was, the nasty portions of the meal cost me $40++. Surely, I thought, we can get a credit or something. Maybe they have a newbie chef.

I don’t write reviews often, and they are typically to glow about something rather than complain. I’d rather reach out and see how we can remedy it together. I’m a very loyal customer, new to town, and need a go-to spot. So, I phoned.

I was calm and pleasant - for about two minutes, one of them on hold.

That call was genuinely ridiculous. Like arguing math with a hated in-law you don’t want to talk to anyway.

I say, “The lo mein just wasn’t good, swimming in grease … “ Interruption.

“It’s not grease. We only put oil on it.” (Oh. Swimming in oil. Much better.)

“It was mushy, clumpy and hacked up, and there was barely any beef, I say.”

I shouldn’t expect beef lo mein to have much beef, she schooled me, it’s only supposed to have vegetables “but you Americans…” T actual F you just say?

Sliding past that I say, “You charged me separately for the beef. There should be at least be some visible - whatever.

“The shrimp fried rice. The shrimp was very fishy.”

“Fishy,” she states. “Yes, fishy, like yesterday’s fish instead of today’s fresh shrimp!” my voice rising in tone and volume in direct proportion to the offense I was taking to her defensive bullshit.

“Even the kids couldn’t-“ Interruption.

“Did you order through Door Dash?” she challenges. I brace myself for the inevitable deflection.

Of course I freaking did. They don’t offer their own delivery for online ordering. I should pretend she’s not aware of this and take her seriously?

“It’s not them I have a problem with,” I say. “The food was nasty!” I’m now seriously frustrated and getting pissed.

“I just spent a lot of money for food we couldn’t eat -“ Interruption.

“It’s Door Dash. They mark up everything 35%. That’s their high price not ours.”

I’m about ready to come over the line at her.

Enough lack of accountability, enough disrespectful argument, enough total disregard for me and the quality of your food. Eff you, lady.

OK, I told her. I’ll just leave a review instead. Click. And...

For those of you that like to find a little bit of San Francisco or NYC Chinatown flavors in unexpected places, this restaurant was a surprise find in Pueblo, CO. Decor is functional, but the service and the food were the highlight of the experience. We ordered the beef egg rolls and the steamed dumplings to start and it did not disappoint because the dumplings came with the sweet soy sauce with chili peppers reminiscent of what gets served with Xiao Lung Bao in NYC. We then ordered the Chicken Noodle Bowl and the Snow Peas Combination for dinner. The chicken that came with the noodle soup was the sliced whole salted chicken that's typical of coffee houses that sell you the whole chicken. Absolutely cooked to perfection and served with a green onion chicken broth. The dish was so simple but the flavors were all there for a hearty bowl of comfort soup. But I can't stop the praises there because the Snow Pea Combination was definitely made with fresh ingredients quickly flash fried for the right temperature and cook. You can't deny kitchen experience like that! I wish we could have stayed a few more days to try their other dishes but this is definitely one I'd come back to every time...

I wish it were priced a little bit nicer. If it were I'd go more often. No lunch menu like most places have which would really be ideal for me. I'd rather pay $5 less for one portion of food instead of $17 for 2 servings. I don't like that there's no egg roll, wontons, or soup included which again is standard for other Chinese restaurants who offer lunch specials. I could also do without a $1 upgrade for fried rice when their steamed rice really isn't very good. So yeah needless to say this gets expensive really fast if you want the best and any kind of sides. They also get careless sometimes or don't care and won't follow special instructions. I've asked for 1 ingredient to be omitted and that was apparently too much to ask. I could see if you were a pain in the butt and tried to modify 5 things making it an unrecognizable dish but 1 item shouldn't be too much to ask. With that said their food is delicious. Their meat is always tender and never chewy. Fried rice is good, wontons are good, egg drop soup is good, egg rolls are massive and good. Great flavors just wish they were a bit nicer with customer service...