Siri Guru Nanak Darbar Gurdwara — Attraction in Gravesham

On Saturday 16th July I attended my nieces wedding at Gravesend Gurdwara Guru Nanak Darbar. Well, when I say attended, I mean, I tried to attend. Let me explain.

I am disabled. I was not allowed to witness my nieces wedding in a wheelchair, or even to drive close to the Gurdwara to gain closer access. I was refused entry into the hall area upstairs to view the wedding. I was initially confused as I thought they were going to suggest an alternative place to sit/stand, however they were so rude. They refused entry due to my disability and said nothing more than I could not attend. I felt so hurt and singled out by their treatment, however, it wasn’t only me. Another lady, wheelchair bound was refused entry. My brother saw this and got a chair for her and placed it beside her and prepared to help her into it. He was immediately refused from helping the lady and the lady, like myself, was refused to witness the wedding. We asked if we could look from the area upstairs and not go into the room however we were told we couldn’t and that we had to leave or go downstairs and wait for the wedding to finish. Initially I had thought it was just us, only to discover later that my mother and aunt were refused to go into the room of the wedding. My family members had argued and took them in by force. They are the grandparents to the bride, one of whom had come from America to attend the wedding. My nieces wedding, a time that should be a beautiful day, was already a day of pain as her father, my brother, had not long passed away. Family needed to bond together for her and each other on this special day. This discrimination experienced at the Gurdwara has not only left me humiliated but deeply hurt and angry. If this is what the treatment of disabled people is like in a Gurdwara, our religious temple, I can’t imagine what or how people are being treated that attend here.

Sikhism expressed the importance of ‘unity and equality of all humankind’. These beliefs are at the very centre of my religion. How can I be treated like this is the temple, the place I have always felt safe and in the religion, I have always been proud to be part of? The Sikh Philosophy section on the website for Gravesend Gurdwara states ‘the individual is expected to help others in need’, can I ask, is that only required by those attending the Gurdwara? I did not receive any such help or assistance on that day. None whatsoever. I can only see that my disability and that of the other lady was a burden to your temple. I beg to question why you have lifts in the building, is it simply to pass building control or for the actual use of the disabled? Can you imagine the burden my life is for me? Always having to rely on others to have to adjust and make allowances for me. Having to plan every inch of my journey and attendance of every single appointment I must attend, be it doctors surgery or in this case, my nieces wedding. I do not ask for you to put yourself in my shoes and experience my experiences, however, I expect you to consider disability with that of equality. We are human. Just like you, if we cut, we both bleed. My heart bled that day. It has left me so hurt, humiliated and angry. The day I became disabled I was filled with the fear of this kind of treatment. You brought all that fear back to the surface with your treatment. I am in my 50’s, attending this Gurdwara was a first time for me (and the last), however I have to hundreds of Temples around the world. Treated with the love, respect and welcoming care that I have always received. The treatment I received at the Gurdwara was not fit for any living creature. I will not allow my experience to be silenced. I demand an apology and change.

If there have been any other disabled people who have been mistreated by this Gurdwara, please let me...

I visited this Gurdwara over the weekend as a photographer for a wedding and on each occasion I have been here the management team have been extremely rude, threatening and uncooperative. I photograph in gurdwaras all over the country and when a client books Gravesend I fall into despair. On each occasion I have visited it seems like the same person doing the speeches makes a point of telling the video team we will be "kicked out" if we do not comply with rules. I am part of a professional team, who all practice Sikhism, and this type of treatment is embarrassing on the faith. These individuals believe they are holy but they are the polar opposite. Upon entering I was confronted by one of the management who asked me "do I know the rules". I politely said yes I have been here several times before. At which point he threatened me by saying if any of the team break the rules we will be thrown out immediately. I am thick skinned but in what world is it seen as acceptable to speak to people like this. I felt like addressing the older gentleman on his mannerism but I have a deeper respect for putting elders on the spot. This same individual later openly laughed and mocked me with another colleague of his after I asked a question about the schedule of events. At which point I held my tongue and walked away. I do not feel it is respectful to mock someone in a place of worship and was disgusted by this behaviour. I have had the same experience before when going to this gurdwara. I would recommend for weddings please be aware of how this committee/management team operates as they are not friendly in the least. For example, I have been to Sri Guru Singh Sabha in Southall many times and they are the most humble, welcoming and polite people. Let me also mention this is a gurdwara regarded as being the largest in the UK that I have seen, but this has not gotten to there heads and they manage to treat everyone respectfully. If I never have to step foot in Gravesend gurdwara again, this would truly be a blessing, however, unfortunately no doubt I will be going again at some point. I am not holding out for anything to change as it has not changed in the last 3-4 years of...

Ok ignore the fact, that it's a gurdwara, and is aesthetically pleasing, I recently visited the gurdwara for a family wedding, involving a sikh and hindu couple, we got to the location at 0900, we parked and went to the ceremony, and awaited both families, I upon arriving witnessed a member of the gurdwara, shouting very loudly at elder gentleman, I remained quiet and spoke to and apologised to the gentleman, he was from the girls side, a hindu man, I asked what occurred, as I also was startled, he said as they had never visited a gurdwara before, they were spoken to very rudely, and aggressively by the member, I asked why though as there must be logic, he said we came in to the darbar sahib, and stayed within the hall way, approx 50 family members, we were told of for admiring the architecture and the grandeur, and we're hushed away in a corner, so the ceremony proceeded, the marriage completed, and I saw the same abusive man, he is the stage secretary of this gurdwara, I approached him as I didn't like his speaking so rudely earlier, I was dismayed by his response, just ask them to leave asap, referring to the hindu family, ask them quickly to go and eat at the Langar hall, and not congregate upstairs, I said no, they will leave when they want to leave, they are quiet and valued the gurdwara and the guru granth sahib, this spoils the atmosphere, the real message of the holy scriptures, these committees members are not interested in educating non sikh members of the community, this stage secretary could hardly speak English, and in the closing ceremony he said look at guru granth sahib page 792 I think for the laavan and what they mean, this could have been done better, please committees and your members, taking amrit and having a position through business, wealth gives a position of superiority, yet they have no education and compassion, further insulting was in the car park, they have installed parking meters which haven't been switched on yet, but this proves that this gurdwara only wants quick turn around weddings, paaths, deaths.. money making businesses, run by...