Fort Tryon

Having won Monopoly in a past life, I'd thought I had conquered the ellicit draw of domination in urban settings. So shooketh was I when I ascended the tarried peaks of Fort Tryon, the topological epitome of what-they-don't-know-won't-hurt-them, coined after the British general of the same name and William. It was, in a word, as contentious as a Buzzfeed quiz that asks readers whether each quote was written by Shakespeare or Taylor Swift.

The larger park was apparently "acquired" by John D. Rockefeller, Jr. (most well known for being indistinguishable from his father but an utterly unique breed famously called "unrecognizable" by his grandfather) from the early 1900s. I sent sundry telegrams to the park service to ask what was meant by this terminology and can only pass onto my readers the assurance I received that the land was at every point in its exchange freely up for sale and of course Rockefeller like all real estate bros always forever paid a fair price and that is how the market works and he earned it and actually no we don't have open records of the sale but I'm sure that the families of the anonymous people who sold would be happy to speak with any interested parties if they were contacted directly STOP. At least one previous tenant was a millionaire so perhaps truth is real.

After restructuring this lush forest into greenery, Rockefeller then generously donated the land to the public and in so doing earned the reverence we owe him for this - the ultimate sacrifice. I even tracked a small sparrow who, for reasonable compensation, was ready and willing to follow in Rocky's steps with this testimony:

Stay still. Wait. Silence the parts of you that Thrill to make noise for the sake of motion, That match the momentum of the world to Stop the drop of drowning in the ocean. They can only ever float though they strive To reach reality on ev'ry dive And dive again, hoping this time they will Catch what they seek if they can stay alive But though currents are meant to sway and roam They cannot help but carry us back home.

His name? Taylor Swift.