Noe Valley Spa — Attraction in San Francisco

TLDR: I just got the worst massage of my life, with a masseuse who didn't listen to my feedback, checked her phone's audible notifications multiple times during the massage, and then when I tipped her $10 out of sheer pity, DEMANDED a higher tip.

I should have been wary at the price of $170 for two massages and an hour in the private hot tub, but I wanted to believe. The hot tub was fine, but immediately after that, everything went wrong. We were taken out of the hot tub, even though they were not ready to proceed with a massage. They didn't have a waiting area, so they put us in a different massage room to wait, and we were not offered any water throughout our 2 hour experience. I was then escorted to a massage room where I started to undress. The masseuse knocked on the door after about 20 seconds, and I was not ready. I said "just a minute" and jumped under the sheet, when she proceeded to immediately enter the room without my consent. She was wearing a mask, which I do appreciate. Then the massage began - she did not ask me if I had any injuries or sensitive areas to avoid (I do). Her movements were so fast and careless they were creating uncomfortable warm friction on my skin, despite using too much oil. Her reckless speed also caused her nails to accidentally dig into my skin several times throughout the process. Over the course of the massage, I tried to give feedback at least 3 times, which were all ignored. Once was when she put the hot towel on my back and I said it was "too hot" and she repeated "too hot?" and laughed, and kept rubbing it on me. I want to believe there was a language barrier, but she literally repeated the words back to me - did she think I was joking? Her English was sufficient enough at the end when she demanded a higher tip, but we'll get there. A few minutes in, her phone made a loud, audible "ding", and she left the table briefly. I assumed it was to embarrassingly turn her phone on silent, but then it dinged again a minute later. She stopped again, and this time she did turn it to vibrate, but then she put it on a hard wooden surface, and I heard it vibrate loudly no less than 6 more times throughout the massage, and in most of those instances, she briefly stopped the massage to check it. Throughout the massage, I was waiting, hoping that she would do anything that actually felt nice, then I could tell her to just "keep doing that". Finally it happened, and I asked, but once again my feedback was ignored, and I spent the entire massage thinking that if I wasn't so embarrassed, I would actually prefer to just get up and leave. When it finally ended, I generously gave her a $10 tip because I'm not a monster, and then she rudely demanded more. I tried to decline, but she insisted - the receptionist was present for part of this interaction and agreed with her. I angrily gave her another $10 and immediately walked out. My girlfriend got a massage from a different (male) masseuse and said it was "fine", so if you do go, you can request a male if you don't want to roll the dice on getting this...

BEWARE. READ THE LOW STAR REVIEWS!!! [Response added to owner]

Not a legitimate establishment. Went for the Hot Tub & Massage combo for $170. Almost the entire facility is deteriorating and not fully clean with staff who have never taken a massage therapy class.

The hot tub was stained yellow and had ants around it. The floor to the hot tub, sauna, and shower was cracked and filthy, knowing that people have to be back there barefoot. The shower was filled with spiders and webs and had what i imagine was black mold on the inside.

Massage was the worst I've had. The woman, as nice as she was, was untrained and kept massaging my bones, my spine, tailbone & ribs. She was all over the place with no system or routine and used WAY too much oil /cream. When she was using her elbow to massage my buttocks, she went inwards towards my area rather than out to the muscles of the leg. I was about to stop the rest of the service when 45 minutes into the 1hr service i was told we were done.

Afterwards, i tried explaining everything to the young lady at the front desk, awkwardly while the massage lady came down to hear what i was saying, and requested a 50% refund and I'd still leave a tip. I was told nothing i said happened and that they're a respectable business who has been around "for a million years".

Response to Owner:

Thank you again for telling me what happened during my time there didn't happen. You have to understand people try things. Not everyone will give up the minute 1 thing goes wrong. I went to the hot tub and it was not as clean and well kept as expected. I tried it, didnt like it, but wanted to continue to see if the massage might be good.

The woman who did my massage was not good. She had no technique, she had no routine & she massaged places she shouldn't have, such as on bones and in places too close to genitals. As i told you face to face, I AM NOT CLAIMING THAT IT WAS SEXUAL OR INTENTIONAL! It was just a bad job, almost inexperienced. It felt like it could have been her first week the job. She asked me if i was okay, and yes, i was ok. She did not ask me if she was doing a good job, or if she was using good pressure, or if i was comfortable. What she gave me was neither a swedish massage nor a deep tissue. She just rubbed, elbowed and pinched random areas for 45 minutes.

Yes, i was unsatisfied, and yes, i asked for half my money back, and i said i would still tip. You said you couldn't do that cause then you couldn't pay your workers. That is poor management and business operation. If you gave me the refund you should have taken the loss and still paid your workers. Please just use this as a learning experience and attempt to fix the issues that i and several other people have...

My neck and shoulders were killing me and I was looking for an affordable evening massage. I found this place on yelp and wasn't expecting a luxury massage but at least a pretty decent one.

NOPE. I couldn't have been more wrong. Absolutely horrible. Worst massage I have EVER received. And you pay before you even receive the service, so when I went down to ask for my money back, or at least a discount, there was no one at the front desk. My masseuse was extremely rough, was way to fast and aggressive with all her motions, and her nails were very long and scratching me. 20 minutes of the massage was done underneath the blanket, no lotion, no oil. Literally massaging me through the blanket. I couldn't wait for it to be over. She opened the door about 3 times during the massage to go do something in the hall or talk to a fellow employee, and then when the massage was finally over, had the audacity to follow me down the stairs asking where her tip was. Not kidding, she followed me to the front door telling me to give her a tip. I finally had to lie and say I left it up in the room on the bed so she would back off. Her name was Coco. I walked right out and don't ever plan on returning. If I could give them zero stars I would. Don't waste your money or...