Back Dough — Local services in Tucson

The other day I was walking out of Bookman’s on speedway after spending 4 hours in the vinyl section to try to impress some hipster chicks with weird piercings and tattoos. Unfortunately, I guess the economy is so bad that all the is left perusing the high fidelity soundscape is old, crusty dudes shaped like potato sacks with ponytails. I wasn’t in the best of moods after being stuck in conversation with a guy named Steve who got rich off the dot com boom and tried to start a waterpark in Kuwait and how he got into drugs after that went bust and his wife divorced him and took half. Then he was in the middle of telling me how many times he got laid because of Deep Purple’s Machine Head album but I stopped the conversation and told him Deep Purple was Black Sabbath for dudes who pee sitting down and then bee-lined out of the store.

Obviously, I was in a salty mood and salty moods lead to a sweet tooth. Luckily, I glanced over and saw a sign for Back Dough. The word “dough” aroused enough curiosity and immediately I wondered if it was the obvious play on words “back door” but substituting door with dough. A whimsical pun, indeed. I felt very smart. Or maybe it was a butchery where they only carve out the back meat of the Pilsbury Dough Boy. I was about to find out either way. When I waltzed through the door, it dawned on me that this was an establishment for pies. And the inner fat kid began to scream and jiggle inside of me. I wasn’t going to dissapoint fatty, so I began to take it all in. A quaint little spot with a bakery slash factory appeal going on. There were racks n stacks of sweet and savory pie delight between the flour sprinkled wooden counters and a few ladies running the joint like a well oiled, off the books CIA basement operation. One of whom told me they’ll be with me in just a minute. “Take your time, you sweet dough angel” I whispered in excitement.

I looked at the menu and was overwhelmed at the delicious and varied options bestowed upon me. Cream pies, fruit pies, specialty pies, pot pies and quiche. Was I craving sweet? Was I craving savory? Fat Rico didn’t care. Give him a pie. Any pie. You can stuff sour cream cherry, lemon cream cheese, blueberry apple or chicken down THIS PIE HOLE and Fat Rico will squeel in delight.

“So what can I get you?” I heard the carb angel ask. My eyes were reflecting the heavenly lights from the display case and I looked up and said “Fat Rico can’t decide” to which she looked a little offput and let out a forced chuckle. “Sorry, Fat Rico is how I disassociate from reality when faced with choosing not so healthy options and not wanting to taking responsibility. So I use my imaginary fat kid self as a scapegoat.” “I completely understand” she reluctantly responded.

Out of curiosity, do you do custom pies? For instance, if I wanted a poo scented chocolate pie to take next door and eat it in front of a guy named Steve while saying “Hey Steve, I would rather eat a poopy pie instead of listening to Deep Purple and your life story”, could you guys do that? Do you do gag scents? “Unfortunately not at this time, sir”. “That’s fine, I said. I’ll take 3 peanut butter chocolate, 2 strawberry margarita and one ham and cheese quiche, please”. A few minutes later, the pie steward boxed everything up but I told her to just hand me the ham and cheese quiche as is. I couldn’t wait any longer. She said to be careful because it was a little hot but I didn’t the ‘finger shhh’ and then mouth assaulted that little quiche so hard, I think a few car alarms went off outside in the parking lot. Immediately I was in a better mood. “I don’t know what quiche is french for but it’s probably ‘climax of the gods’ or something”. “Sir I think you should leave now”. “Yeah yeah, I’ve been politely kicked out of many a pie-aries before. But for the record, this one was the best. Ta-ta pie maidens!” I put the pies in my truck and then I saw Steve rage screaming in his Pontiac Grand Am. I could hear Black Sabbath blasting from inside. Best day...

Stopped by Back Dough after work looking for a fresh pumpkin pie. When we walked in we were taken back by the size of the pies. They are all about 6-7” in diameter including crust. But we thought - let’s give one or two a try since we were here. Our first red flag was the size, our second red flag was two little elderly women came in saw the pies, whispered to each other and left. Hmmmm… anyway we purchased an apple and chocolate. We had a slice of pie after dinner. The pies consisted of overly thick water type crust, not good. The ratio of crust to filling was at least 1/2. You were eating equal parts or more of crust to filling. The apple filling was extraordinarily plain and the same with the chocolate. Very plain and with way too much crust for this size of a pie! We should have gotten a pie at the first place we thought of - Costco. Their pumpkin pies work when I am not prepared to make one for the weekend. We have had their other pies and for Tucson this is the only place to reliably get a pie that is not frozen nor sat on the shelf for days at a grocery store. Costco is just down the street...

Edit: Since I asked to elaborate- I was disappointed the food. I was given a sandwich of ham, cheese and bread. No condiments and not toasted. It was dry and boring. The soup I ordered was good enough but nothing spectacular. I immediately thought to take the sandwich back but there was not time. I asked for condiments in an attempt to make it more interesting. I ate it and left wishing my lunch was something I had liked. When I Google, "How are ham and cheese sandwhiches usually made" nice grilled sandwich pictures pop up. What I received could have been achieved by going to a store, grabing a bakery loaf of bread and grabbing a package of ham and cheese on the way out.

The people weren't rude or anything like that but I left wishing I had eaten something I had enjoyed. Based on that I gave the place a...