Pineapple Hotel — Restaurant in Brisbane City

Dear Glorious Reader, Magnificent Soul in Search of Light and Laughter, Let me tell you a story. Not the kind with dragons or talking animals (though I do have suspicions about some of the patrons at The Pineapple Hotel, Kangaroo Point), but a story of trivia, steak, and spiritual awakening. Yes, that’s right, dear Enlightened Reader, a Wednesday night pub trivia that flirted with the Divine.

This isn’t just a review. No, no. This is a sacred scroll. A gospel of grilled rump and unearned confidence. A soul boom, if you will.

Scene One: Arrival at The Piney

Ah, The Piney. She’s stood since 1864, once surrounded by pineapples, now surrounded by punters and Uber Eats scooters. If those walls could talk, they’d say: “Take your keys out of the bowl! This isn’t a swingers club, but we admire your enthusiasm.” Relax, dear reader radiant vessel of curiosity. The Piney, it’s a pub. Not an adult lifestyle venue. Unless… never mind. Upon arrival, our table was not booked under my name. No, beautiful reader. It was booked under our team name, the might “Guessperados”. Because the trivia gods at The Piney read the notes in the booking form. They saw us. I nearly wept. If only Centrelink had been that attentive.

Scene Two: The Meat Awakens

The steaks? Reader, they were rumps of heavenly design. Thick. Juicy. Chargrilled like an angel had used a Weber. Easily top-tier since the birth of the Guessperados. Some say you can still hear Aidan whispering to his medium rare, “You complete me.” There is no QR ordering here. No app. No techno-sorcery. This is old school. You walk up. You order. You get a buzzer. You collect your own food. It’s spiritual. Humbling. Like lining up for a blessing at a gospel service. Or Centrelink, again.

Scene Three: The Trivia Begins

Brendan hosted. He had the mic and the manner of a man who has seen things. Probably Queenslanders arguing over sport. Maybe his own reflection. Who knows. But he delivered. Round one ended with no score revealed and Aidan yelling, “I can see your mum from space.” Was he answering a question? Mocking someone? Channelling the spirit of Carl Sagan? We may never know. Lukeus, confused by a particularly poetic round, muttered, “What the f$@k is this, a haiku?”. So we wrote him one:

Steak on our table. Old pub, same team, hearts on fire. Lost round. No regrets.

Scene Four: The Downward Spiral

By round three, we were in 5th place. By round five, we were in 6th. You see the trend here, oh reader of infinite worth and mild IBS? We embraced the chaos. A round on modern slang had us boomers shouting “drip” and “slaps” with full conviction and zero accuracy. I may have pulled a muscle saying “sus.” The youth would not approve.

Our rivals, Quizz in My Pants and Quizz on My Face, were locked in 9th. It was like watching your ex-date your other ex. Messy. Beautiful. Uncomfortable. Strangely arousing.

Final round was double or nothing. Did we play it safe? No. We stared into the void and said, “Let’s bukkake this.” (Dear Innocent Reader, do not Google that.) We finished 8th. A spiritual number, I believe. Infinity turned upright. A symbol of resilience. Or just… 8th.

Scene Five: Redemption

No prizes during rounds. No drink vouchers. No merch. I felt emptier than a vegetarian at a rib fest.

And yet.

As we sat around afterward, Brendan—our trivia shepherd—slipped us all five vouchers. Silently. Humbly. As if he knew we had suffered, and it was time for grace.

That, Precious Reader, is soul food. Not in the victory. But in the quiet gift given after.

Final Reflection

Would we go back? Yes. For the steak. For the history. For Brendan’s quiet acts of mercy. And because, in the end, it’s not about winning. It’s about showing up. Ordering rump. Shouting obscenities into the void. And knowing that someone, somewhere, is still clearing your half-full glass before you’re ready.

Namaste, Dazzling Reader. Guessperado forever. Pub trivia is church. The Piney is...

The Pineapple Hotel is a perfect place to celebrate any occasion. I couldn't have been happier with our choice for my birthday lunch on a Sat afternoon. The hotel has a relaxed, casual, and laid-back family atmosphere. The food is fresh and tasty, served in generous portions and nicely presented to the table on stylish white crockery. Staff are all super friendly, polite and welcoming and the service is fast and efficient.

There are multiple dining areas inside and outside, with regular tables or high bar stool type seating. It’s spacious and airy with plenty of room to spread out and get comfortable. There's also a little playground to keep the kids occupied. We sat on the outdoor terrace with views onto the park just outside.

The hotel has two special lunch menus, which can be a bit confusing, but the prices are unbelievably reasonable. Our main meals cost a modest $14 each, and that included the roast of the day, beef burgers, and barramundi burgers. There's also a kids' menu with meals costing $13 each and desserts for $14. Pints of beer are $10 each. The value for money is unbeatable, even though the price points seem a bit inconsistent, with desserts costing as much as main meals. The hotel should consider lowering the price of desserts to make the pricing more consistent.

There are also nightly specials in addition to the large selection of lunch deals.

The toilets are clean and well maintained, and there's easy parking, either in the venue's own car park or in any nearby street. This makes it the perfect place for a fantastic fun and hassle-free day or night out with family or friends.

I will definitely be back to the Pineapple Hotel. Thanks to all the staff who made my birthday lunch on Sat 04 Nov...

We were a party of 10, celebrating the occasion of a 50th birthday - On booking, asked for a table out of the way of main thoroughfares - on arrival found our table to be right in the middle of the main thoroughfare to bar, toilets, cashier etc.- told it could not be changed! Despite ordering our meals at much the same time, 8 people received their meals in a timely manner, my husband & I didn't!?!? After waiting some 30 minutes, & everyone else having finished their meals, we made enquiries re our food. Informed our order hadn't gone through!!!! Informed our meals were being prepared straight away - after a further 30-40 minutes, our meals still hadn't arrived, the other family members were ready to leave. I asked for a refund, which was given quite readily - then our meals arrived. My steak was tough, plenty of gristle, & just warm. My fork had 2 tines that were horribly bent out of shape, making it difficult to use. My husband stated he had tasted better fish. In all a very disappointing experience with below average food. I would also like to say however that previous visits...