The Comic's Lounge — Restaurant in Melbourne

Before I start, let me say the comics are typically smaller names, but many recognizable, and great. But, thats not really up to the venue, now is it? The difference between the talents show and the venue are different sides of the coin entirely.

My review is this venue is outright hostile to its patrons, but the comedy is good.

So lets talk hosting venue.

Just a few things that I just couldn't not take note of, starting with your introduction, the doorman that 'greets' you is one of the most in-personable people I have met, and is outright rude. Its an interesting choice of first impression.

The venue, sadly, reeks of desperation. From constant over the top pleas to please purchase Bertie Beetle showbags and choc-tops for some reason (for an 18+ venue I might add), to the most penny pinching meals, to presentation graphics straight out of 1996 its pretty off-putting. The aesthetic certainly doesn't inspire any wow factor, lets say that.

The staff here are the rudest people I have met running and entertainment business outside of some carnies. You know the ones.

Examples, I had a great time and wanted to come again, so I got one of their 'gold card' memberships. This isnt important but it allows free entry for a year for an upfront cost totaling many visits. Its a good deal if being a regular is what you want.

I called their number listed on google maps, and importantly on the gold card, to 'ensure booking'. The card does not specify any times, and google maps at the time of writing lists their hours as 6:30-11:30pm.

So I call at 6:40, to make a booking for tomorrow. A prompt to leave a voicemail. I do, asking to book for the next night. I call at 8, and 10, and both times rung out.

The next day, I call again at 6:30, im told I have reached the bar and you need to call at 11 for bookings cya, and they hang up. Basically that fast. Incredible.

So I call back, just mention I wasnt finished, I have a gold card and wanted to know how to book, and if my booking request was noted on the voicemail. Despite the nice fully voice acted prompt, apparently they dont listen to voicemails, and I should 'just come on down' and hung up again without warning. Amazing. Truly a lesson for the ages on customer service, im sure.

Why does this number go through to the bar at all? Perhaps a mystery we will never solve.

So I make a pretty standard, simple order at the bar, two cokes no ice please. The barman look at me like an alien. "Are you Charlie?" No? "Yeah, Charlie cheapskate".

Actually what.

Again, I can only relay my experience, but every interaction was something like this.

The food is essentially cheap pub food, which is fine, but of course you are going to see leaves where you should see veg, that sort of thing. Very 'optimized' (cost cutting) meals.

I just want to add this. (Before all of this) I wanted to shout some friends to a free show. When you get the pass, you can also spend an extra $40 or so to get a handful of tickets. Make a night out of it. Now, they are under no obligation to do this of course, but I think this sums things up nicely.

So I got my pass two weeks ago, right? I had a lot of laughs, I was impressed enough by the shows at the time, and I remembered the offer.

So I said to the manager, hey can I split the difference, pay the extra and get the full deal you are still offering right now.

Absolutely not, I would have to pay the entire $140 or whatever it is and have another pass for no reason.

So you don't want $40 in hand right now, you don't want 11-14 people in one night buying food and drinks, potentially falling in love with the venue and becoming regulars, which is the entire point of the promotion, because "You should have got the whole pack last week".

Like, that's their decision to make, its not indefensible, but its a fascinating business model. I think it just sums up the actual contempt for customers I felt the entire time from the venue.

I reiterate that I think the comics that are coming out shooting their shot are great and I have nothing but respect...

The process for Comedy Festival shows here is an absolute joke. We attended Jiaying Summer’s show last Friday, which was supposed to start at 9pm but didn’t begin until around 9.40pm due to a ridiculous process for getting people in and out of the venue.

We arrived early, joined a long line and were eventually assigned two spots at a table. We were then told to wait outside because the previous show hadn’t finished. A second line had formed with others who also had tables, so we joined that. There was a lot of confusion amongst people with the two lines. Eventually when the doors opened, we didn’t get priority entry despite being assigned a table—we had to stay in another line while both lines were let in at once. This was frustrating and confusing to see people who arrived much later than us go in before us.

The horrid process of getting people in after the first show finishing at 830 meant it started more than 30 minutes late, making for a much later night than expected. We had planned to be done by 10:30, but the show ran well past 11. Thats 70 minutes it took you to turnaround the first show ending to tje second one starting. Not everyone has the flexibility to stay that late because of poor venue organisation and a ridiculous manual seat allocation process for what’s supposed to be a quick Comedy Festival show.

The seating setup was awkward too. Despite getting there early, because we ended up towards the back of a second line we then had to squeeze in at our table. This arrangement might work for regular shows but it was uncomfortable for a comedy festival event.

Why not run the show like most other Comedy Festival events? Let people line up for general admission, then first in best dressed for seats. The manual seat allocation felt unnecessary and chaotic for the Comedy Festival and just felt like a convoluted process. Other shows/venues get people in and out...

First time I've ever been to a comics lounge, saw David Hughes and a couple other blokes. The spruiker fellow was by far the star of the show for me. Hilarious dude. I'm terrible with names though unfortunately though. He did make me very nervous, as I was sitting in the second row and one of the first things he said was that he wasn't going to heckle (roast?) the front rows, so we could relax, which I thought was a trap. Maybe that was the idea, or maybe I'm just insecure and distrustful. Maybe all of the above. Regardless, he had me in stitches. The only reason I remembered Dave's name was because he's a vegan and no one made fun of him for it (or maybe because he's reasonably famous). I felt sad though, as he walked off the stage, I'm not sure if he realised but the smile from his face immediately disappeared as he turned his back, and he seemed relieved to be finished. That's totally understandable, comedy would be a tough gig. I have a hard enough time with every day conversations and I'm not even trying to be funny. But that look made me feel like something was really wrong. I hope he's okay. There was some other dude who thought he was Jack black. He made me feel uncomfortable. Not my kind of humour. It felt lazy and poorly improvised. I'm sure he's a funny dude. Maybe it was an off night for him. I wish him my best and hope he enjoys finally being back on the road again... And the other dude, somewhat rotund and crude. Absolutely hilarious. Pushed the boundaries of what could be considered acceptable, gotta love that. That would be such a tricky aspect of comedy in today's PC culture. I think he made some people quite uncomfortable but I really appreciated his humour. Anyway I'll be back, I thoroughly enjoyed the night even though the food was pretty lousy! But that wasn't what I went there for so I'm not...