Vlado's Charcoal Grill — Restaurant in Melbourne

1 star.

My review system. 5 stars = uniquely incredible experience 4 stars = exceeds expectations 3 stars = meets expectations 2 stars = below expectations 1 star = far below expectations

where the expectations are set by the price

Tl;dr Virtually no flavour at all. No jus, no puree - not even salt! Just mustard. Well cooked but certainly had steaks just as good elsewhere for 1/3 the price. Service was nice but missed some things. Atmosphere was a bit awkward.

For ~$130 per person for the set menu - expectations are very high.

THE FOOD:

I’m aware its a stakehouse so i was coming for meat - yet the result was somewhat laughable. The appetiser was a singular sausage. There was horseradish (?) and mustard on the table with a somewhat stale bread roll each, with a knob of butter between 6 people, and an unappetising lettuce and tomato salad. No salt or pepper

Appetiser was a sausage. When i say “a sausage” i mean a sausage. Not with some puree or sauce or jus or side or vegetable. I mean a singular sausage on a plate. To me, it tasted like a generic sausage. I had it with mustard.

The entree was a selection of meets, i tried all three, the taste of sausage blended in with the taste of the other meat to just…all be meat taste. Again no seasoning, no sauce. Nothing. Ok, mustard it is.

The main: i chose the rib eye medium rare. It was cooked beautifully! But it all tasted the same at this point. I wish there was something to complement the meat in some way. Again nothing to break up the taste of meat, no palate cleanser to refresh and then appreciate the taste of the meat again. Just more meat and mustard.

The crepes were quite nice, but small.

THE SERVICE:

When first arriving, we were greeted by a gruff man who barely made eye contact. We said the reservation name - “mmmhmm” he grunted without making eye contact. Then directed us upstairs to a different server who was much nicer.

The other servers were nice and friendly. However we had to request for the water to be replaced when both bottles had run out (to which the server apologised). The was a tiny knob of butter which ran out very quickly, it wasnt replaced at all. I had a quarter of my bread roll on account of having no butter. I’m assuming the second condiment was horseradish but no one explained it to us 🤷🏻‍♂️

Normally I couldnt care less about little things like that - but when you’re paying $130 per person, the expectations are high and that the service will be perfect (or at the very least, greeted warmly).

THE ATMOSPHERE:

Interesting but a bit awkward. Rather bright lighting. NO MUSIC!? Which made the place feel a bit awkward, even a little tense, especially if there is a lull in conversation. I joked that it made it feel like a Quinton Tarentino film where something is about to go down. (think the underground bar scene in “inglorious bastards”). It was a bit weird, but unique and interesting. The smoke from the kitchen billows throughout the restaurant/house which seasoned the air in a way which was interesting, but also made me cough a lot...

Such a disappointing night.

We had heard so much about Vlado's from friends and family, and had talked about going for years... so for my wife's birthday I decided to treat us to a spectacular night out.

The issues stated when I ordered a bottle of red wine, they brought out the wrong one (later found out to be $20 more expensive then the one I had requested) but I was already 2 glasses in before I noticed.

The entree's were nice. When we were shown 'actual samples' of the cut of steak we would like; my wife and I choose the same (porterhouse) due to the extravagant marbling shown on the sample cut. My wife reauested her's 'medium' and I chose 'medium rare'.

When the main came out we were presented with completely different steaks. My wife's was flat/ thin and mine was narrow and thick. Also, there was no marbling evident as we had seen on the sample we were shown.

My wife's steak was over-cooked, tough and chewy, and mine was so under cooked I would say it was 'beyond rare'. It wasn't even warm! After having a 1/4 of the steak we finally said something and they took it back to cook it further.

When it was presented again it was a little warmer, but just as undercooked/ rare. At this point I was in shock as we had come here expecting "the best steak" we have ever had, instead we were more than disappointed.

The host asked how are meals were and after I told him how it was, he preceded to explain that it's difficult to cook such a thick peace of steak, which I found ridiculous.

He said he will have it butterflied, however as expected, it came back very tough.... and I know like most, you can't re-cook a steak.

It would be bad enough if it were a normal restaurant, however this is supposed to be the "best steak in Australia" and with this price tag, to be so disappointed is just unacceptable.

"Rare Steak House" has for many years been the best steak I've ever had, and I have learnt my lesson. If I want the best, I now know where to...

Vlado’s Charcoal Grill is a prestigious steakhouse that’s been around for over 70 years, doing things the traditional way — and they’ve clearly nailed their niche. If you’re after a no-frills, meat-focused dining experience, this place delivers. ($125 set menu)

From the moment you walk in, you get hit with that rich charcoal-cooked steak aroma — no doubt part of the charm. It’s not a modern or trendy setting, but it has an old-school warmth that feels very personal.

The set menu is strict — you don’t get to choose entrees or starters. So be aware: it’s heavily meat-focused, and if you’re not a big eater, you’ll either be leaving full to the brim or picking at leftovers. It’s very much built for meat lovers.

We started with house-made bread, soft and damper-like, which felt nostalgic and homemade. The citrus slaw was basic but oddly addictive.

Entrees came with a sausage (flavourful, nothing fancy) and a meat platter of various offcuts like liver and lesser-seen cuts — not premium, but enjoyable for the novelty.

For mains, the choice was between porterhouse, eye fillet, or a $90 Wagyu upgrade. The Wagyu was the standout — rich, flavourful, and worth the extra cost in my opinion. Between the standard options, most preferred the porterhouse, but I enjoyed the leanness of the eye fillet.

Dessert was a highlight — crepes with either lemon or strawberries, both excellent. You also get complimentary tea and coffee, which is a nice final touch.

Service was warm and attentive, led by three older hosts who brought a comforting, family-run energy to the night.

While the food ranged from alright to very good, it’s the atmosphere and experience that makes Vlado’s special. It’s a dining style you don’t find much anymore — and for that alone, it’s definitely...