If you’re dreaming of a peaceful breakfast at Calma in Ibiza, brace yourself – the only thing calm here is the service’s pace, and maybe the eggs, because they certainly aren’t cooked! I ordered eggs Benedict, expecting a brunch classic, but what arrived on my plate looked more like a science experiment gone wrong. Undercooked eggs swimming in a sea of… hollandaise. I swear they must have an entire tank of that stuff in the back, because my eggs arrived with about a liter of it. Maybe they figured if they drown the eggs in enough sauce, no one would notice they forgot to cook them?

When I kindly asked them to fix it, I was met with puzzled stares as if I’d asked them to decode the mysteries of the universe. After round two, the eggs were still undercooked, but at least I had a new personal best in hollandaise consumption. Honestly, if you’re a fan of sauces, Calma might be your spot. You’ll get enough to last a lifetime.

As for the cappuccino, well, let’s just say it was about as hot as a winter day in the Arctic. I could’ve used it as an ice pack rather than a morning pick-me-up.

For a far less chaotic brunch, head next door to Cappuccino, where they serve warm coffee and properly cooked eggs. Plus, they seem to understand that while hollandaise is great, it’s not meant to be a soup course.

Skip Calma unless you’re into the “eggs Benedict, but make it a swimming pool” vibe.