The Lodge Coffee House. — Restaurant in City of Edinburgh

Not a lodge. Sorry.

I'm wholly unaware of a delight greater than the one produced by chancing upon a hidden coffee shop, but with the emergence of satellite smartphone applications, a concept so wild and so inconceivably grand, our daily expeditions have been unfortunately sterilized and our lives have been robbed from that sense of discovery which we used to hold so dear when we where young.

So imagine my shock when my expedition towards one of Edinburgh’s greenest and most affluent neighbourhoods, an expedition made with the promise of abstaining from any device which would tempt me with the forbidden and time-consuming fruits of internet connectivity, led me, after numerous twists and turns and back-alleys and hidden paths that I felt that I had no business being on, right on the doorstep of a grand, magical expanse of trees.

A forest was now spread before me, beckoning me to treat the surrounding buildings as a mere afterthought and to take the path that unravelled before my feet until I can hear nothing but the flow of water, the rustling of branches and the crunching of leaves.

But first... Coffee.

Having been roaming around Morningside for the past couple of hours, as it was my day off work and I had been in such a fervent exploratory mood, the sight of a tiny, ancient, stone house that featured a signage with the name ‘’The Lodge Coffee House’’ literally put a spring in my step.

What’s worth noting is that the position of the entrance meant that all guests would be lucky enough to sip on their coffees and munch on those plump, delicious looking scones in full view of the forest that lay before them, with the west-facing wall cloaking their eyes from the buildings and the passing cars which would otherwise severely injure the natural aesthetic.

But in a surprisingly underwhelming turn of events I would soon be informed by one of the ‘’Lodge’s’’ patrons that the space which once served as a haven of peace and tranquillity, had now been converted in to a storage facility.

A crude, untidy little warehouse, where boxes and tables and chairs and other lifeless and soulless objects appear to have grown so terribly important for the management of this stunning but unfortunate little establishment that they seem to have overshadowed the significance of creating a space of calm, comfort and relaxation.

So no. This is not a lodge.

Ordering your coffee by leaning over an open window not only creates a transactional dynamic similar to the one experienced when ordering a large coke and a big mac from a MacDonald’s drive through, but also completely eradicates any chance of sustaining a positive and fruitful customer experience.

Its isn’t easy writing these sentences. My heart goes out to all small business owners that have truly suffered over the past two years and there is nothing that I wish more than to leave a five star review, accompanied by something simple, easy and uncomplicated. Something like ‘’Lovely scones’’ or ‘’Truly a hidden gem’’ or ‘’Will definitely visit again’’.

But I can’t. Not until you stop shooting yourselves in the foot and begin to realize that the short-term convenience of not having to deal with the fuss of letting your customers indoors will result in grave long-term consequences.

Will be visiting again, but not shortly.

Sometime towards the first weeks of October.

When umbrellas are glistening with rain-water, wellies are fitted over cold, damp socks and t-shirts have vanished under mountains of long-sleeved shirts, jackets and woollen jumpers.

Looking forward finding rest and relaxation within your lodgings.

Will be seeing you...

The Lodge Coffee House – A Caffeinated Trip into the Surreal

Nestled in the caffeinated underbelly of Edinburgh lies The Lodge Coffee House, a stone sanctum where time sips itself backwards and espresso machines hum ancient jazz riffs. Upon entering, we were greeted by Mick, a man forged from equal parts kindness, bacon, and 80's nostalgia. Like a caffeinated Gandalf, he emerged from the steam with eyes full of welcome and hands full of bacon barms. He threw them at us, not aggressively, but like a benevolent goblin flinging gifts at chosen mortals.

The coffee.... the coffee. Brewed by a barista who may have once been a shaman, the flat white shared secrets. The atmosphere, like being hugged by a velvet bear in a log cabin built by monks who understand everything.

We had a chat with Mick about life, meat, and the nature of gravy. At one point, he levitated slightly while describing his sausage procurement strategy. The location is prime, trees bowed politely as we sipped.

In short, The Lodge is not just a coffee house. It’s a mystical experience wrapped in cured meat and friendliness. Five out of five cosmic beans. Would...

I love to look at reviews of good places to see why a few people rated it so bad. I'm amazed how grudging people are in recognising the difficulties of working under Covid when you are serving people all day long. Someone complained about their overdiligence....their just trying to present themselves as being a safe place to have a coffee. Prices a bit high? Come on, they spent a large part of the time closed or very restricted. Complaining about queues? That's not their fault. So your coffee was cold....think a bit compassionately..... anyone's going to get it wrong occasionally (in these present times)....I've never had a cold one there. I'm so glad that this place is there so that a walk in the Hermitage on a cold winter's day can be cheered up. I rarely write on review sites. I've never been hesitant in the past to complain (tho life is getting short now!), but I tend to stuck to real injustices. Keep it...