The Barley Mow — Restaurant in England

Having lived in Bedford a few years now, I sometimes find myself going to the Barley when someone in the group suggests it, and every time I step through the door I think, maybe it'll be alright this time. But it never is. As the only gay pub in the area, instead of striving to be an exciting and happening place, it's just resting on its laurels and the whole vibe reeks of "Will this do?" Well, no, Mow, it really won't.

Let's start with the positives though: There's usually a good hoppy ale on tap. It's open late. The staff are smiley and efficient. It's round the corner from Esquire's, so convenient for a quick pint if you're going clubbing there. The garden is a chilled place to sit. And that's about it.

The first big problem comes with the layout. It's not a huge place but the feng shui would make Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen gag (and not in a good way). The main part of the bar has these weird high stools people kind of totter on, and two central tables only to sit at, when you could really maximise the space and comfort by having window-hugging seats around the inner wall, as well as 2 or 3 tables further in at a level which won't give you vertigo. It would encourage socialising, increase numbers, and just lend the place more of a welcoming vibe.

Secondly, the televisions. Sometimes they are on. At ear-splitting volume. In both rooms. Please, please stop it. Last time this happened, even shouting to my friend, who was right next to me, we couldn't be heard over the din of RuPaul. And we were the only customers in the room.

The most important thing of all: the music. Holy mother of god, where do I start? There's a place called Herd just up the road which gets world-class DJs as well as more local up-and-coming DJs playing sets there, because although around the same size, it has a very well-curated music policy, a vibe, great food and forward-looking stewardship. You'd never catch them playing T'Pau at 11pm on a Friday night as I've witnessed in the BM.... it's always an absolutely bizarre mix of plastic pop, power ballads, and terrible plodding chart fodder from thirty years ago, played by someone who clearly doesn't have even a basic understanding of pace, momentum and dancefloor energy.

I've seen the same guy DJ there a lot. He may be the only DJ who plays there. Now look: he might be a really lovely guy, or maybe someone's dad - but the 'hospital radio DJ with the charity-shop 45s box' schtick is wearing really, really thin. Everybody I talk to about the Barley affirms this very strongly. In a world hurtling towards the future with a ferocious velocity, this is really no time to be stuck in the Nineties. The awful, awful music simply wouldn't fly in the gay pubs of Birmingham or Brighton. And it falls flat on its face here too.

I've taken to asking local guys I hook up with what they think of the BM, and the responses are never glowing, or even close. "It's okay if you're very drunk, and everywhere else has closed, and it's raining, and your quality control has dissolved," one guy told me. "It's a Jeremy Kyle quagmire," said another. This is such a crying shame for me, because I live round here, and I'm a guy who likes guys, and sometimes we just want to hang out and have a chat and and dance to brilliant music in an unthreatening space, without the actual threat being from concussion from trying to slap yourself out of the 1990s.

I really hope someone with the power to effect change reads this and looks on it as constructive criticism and, crucially, makes the changes that need...

Friendly bar staff and nicely done out inside. A fun atmosphere with a good mixed crowd and a nice smoking area. A few odd sorts and quite a lot of people who can't handle their drink too well. One twinky little git got nasty when he didn't get a free cigarette off me and a couple of very pissed overweight attention-seekers deliberately "fell" across us on the sofa. Oh and an elderly lesbian in a silver suit undid her shirt and got her droopers out! But that's a gay bar for ya and it's good to see a place...

Toilets are discusting esp ladies. The "ladies" bins for there products are overflowing and a health hazard. It's gone down hill over the last few years used to come in on a Friday or Saturday and was busy but now days its more of a dive bar hardly busy. Prices are expensive not worth the visit if your looking for a good gay bar.

Not even worth the one star Google makes me give...