Between the 17th and 18th of July, as part of the festivities surrounding my girlfriends birthday weekend, myself along with 3 other guests (all of us inhabiting three different rooms respectively) stayed for a solitary night at the Ryde castle hotel.

Despite being the epitome of a very picturesque sea-front hotel in terms of appearance, the clockwork of services inside left a little to be desired. I must stress that there were some highlights to the hotel such as positioning to the bus station, beach front and shops as well as the beer garden space outside. The beds were also devilishly comfortable and the rainfall showers were a wonderful addition.

and now, unfortunately, the unpleasantries.

The food was of a good but not exceptional standard. My own dinner of the mussels in white wine for an Entrée and scampi and chips for my main course were a very respectable 8/10 and 6/10 overall. Alas, as I woke the following morning, while finding my in-laws munching on toasted bread (toast), I also found bitter disappointment. Having ordered an eggs benedict against the pleas of my fellow diners to avoid any complications in the kitchen, the dish came out with a sour and noticeably lumpy sauce which would have made Charles Ranhofer turn in his grave.

Secondary, the standard of cleaning. I presume that the head of cleaning Stevie Wonder will have little to say on the matter but we found ourselves with a few items of note. One of the bathrooms toilets would have been forgivingly mistaken as a formula one race track with the skid marks adorning the inside of the porcelain. Multiple surfaces were caked with dust as if the building "originally built by Henry VIII" as stated on the website was in fact last dusted in the 16th century. Also there was a finding of a stray wet wipe behind the curtains who had been separated from the confines of its packet.

Despite this, the majority of the staff, while young, were incredibly friendly and helpful. Which is an added bonus when having to explain why it takes 15 minutes to get some glasses of water and why some of the rims of the glasses still had the lip markings of another (hopefully illness free) guest.

The room was in the region of £160 per night and upon consideration I would have been happy paying for £40 for the quality of the stay including . The staff were happy to incentivise the Saturday nights meal as remuneration of its failings.

Would I go again? On the condition that the cleaning staff are tested for both their eyesight and whatever illness causes you to be lazy.