Gather 'round, my fellow beer disciples, for I have discovered a holy grail of brews at Red Horn Coffee and Brewing! Let me preach to you the gospel of their impeccable beer list, a testament to divine craftsmanship featuring over 20 heavenly libations, including not one, not two, but five barrel-aged imperial stouts that'll have you shouting "Hallelujah!"

Our Church of Beer attendees were stirred by the righteous flavors of the Rye Barrel Aged Suburban Ninja Imperial Stout, while the Pilsner offered a taste of paradise with its crisp and refreshing notes. And let us not forget our brethren and sistren who crave the bitter hoppy goodness, for Red Horn delivers salvation in every IPA pint.

Furthermore, this brew sanctuary is also dedicated to a sacred space for adults, free from the distractions of youthful frivolities. No playgrounds or childish menus here, just a pure communion of beer-loving souls… and the occasional caffeine addict. Whilst children are not forbidden, Red Horn clearly prefers bad parenting decisions happen elsewhere.

Though the outside seating may be reminiscent of typical Austin area parking lot pews, fear not, for Red Horn's covered patio is a refuge from even the fiercest storms, providing shelter and solace for all who seek it.

Let us raise our glasses in praise for the friendly and patient staff, whose devotion to our tasting needs knows no bounds. And while our bellies were not filled with earthly delights this visit, the promise of sandwiches and charcuterie boards beckons us back for another round.

So heed my words, brethren, and journey to Red Horn Coffee and Brewing on the north side of town, for it is a temple of beer worthy of pilgrimage. Cheers to the holy brews!