In-N-Out Burger — Restaurant in Colorado Springs

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart & lean not on your own understanding.” So says Proverbs chapter 3. The small citation was tucked aneath a chocolate shake at the In-N-Out Burger in East C Springs. At the behest of the sammy-slinging megachain, I went in blind, hungry, & trusting. Not in God per se, but in the inveterate taste of my tour guide—a Los Angelite who would defend In-N-Out’s supremacy till he’s face down in a fryer with a mob of foodies at his back.

And so, my sister in Christ, I followed where his Doc Marten loafers tread & mimicked the hand gestures & winks that summoned the garish miscellany of the secret menu. The outcome: a sumptuous double-cutlet with a well-done fry in tow, chased down by a glace au chocolat—what the uninitiated might call a milkshake.

Hungrier than George Clooney with a piece of toast, I went animal style on that thing. Mmm! I graced the two-cheeked double patty pound cake with a zeal that no sous-chef pep talk could prepare it for. The burger was savory to the last drop, its every ingredient represented with the kind of unity I learned about in Hamburger 101. It turned loose its juice & was gone in seconds. The well-done fry was utter bread. A shame, but no worse than the original, which had less personality than the PGA tour. Dip those mamas in the enfeebled shake & experience the taste of absolutely nothing. Quite refreshing really.

On the whole, I’d liken the meal to Genesis 7, the story of Noah’s Ark: a dyed-in-the-wool-worth-its- salt-bona-fide classic that need not be overhyped. Skip the accessories & get extra fry sauce. My best to you &...

Listen up, folks, I rolled into In-N-Out with dreams of burger nirvana, but what I got was a big ol’ pile of “meh” with a side of “eh.” This place is like the culinary equivalent of a shrug emoji. Let me break it down for you with a chuckle or two. The burgers? They were… okay. Like, if a burger went to therapy and described itself as “fine,” this would be it. Not bad, not great, just existing in that middle ground where you’re not mad, but you’re not writing love poems either. It’s the kind of burger you’d eat at a cookout and think, “Well, at least it’s not tofu.” I took a bite and my taste buds were like, “Cool, we’re clocking in for the day, but we’re not working overtime.” The fries? Oh, sweet potato sticks, they were the poster child for mediocrity. Not crispy enough to star in a foodie’s Instagram, not soggy enough to complain about—just aggressively okay. It’s like they were grown in a field of ambivalence and fried in the oil of indifference. I ate them, but only because my hands needed something to do while I contemplated my life choices. Overall, In-N-Out didn’t make me angry, but it didn’t spark joy either. It’s the fast food equivalent of a beige sedan—functional, but you wouldn’t pick it out of a lineup for a joyride. Would I go again? Eh, only if every other restaurant in a 50-mile radius was abducted by aliens. In-N-Out, you’re the “it’s fine” meme of dining, and I’m just gonna leave it at that. Pass the...

In-N-Out should be the standard for all fast-food restaurants. Whether I am in Colorado, California, or Texas, it is consistent.

FOOD: The Food, as I said, is always consistent. My favorite is a triple cheese burger, mustard patty with grilled onions and spread only. Soo meaty, juicy, cheesy, and flavorful. My wife enjoys the Double-Double and the kids like the Single. We ENJOY the simplicity of their fries. We also enjoy some Animal Style Fries. Last time I got their Neapolitan Milk Shake and it was delicious.

SERVICE: Again, In-N-Out is the standard for excellence in customer service in a fast-food location, on-par with Chick-fil-a. The employees are always happy, engaging, and helpful.

ATMOSPHERE: I am always amazed are clean they keep the inside. Every time we are here there is an employee dedicated to keeping the tables clean. They basically walk in a non-stop circle cleaning up the tables. One of the best ways to judge the cleanliness of a restaurant is by their high chairs. The ones from In-N-Out are always clean. The seating can be a bit cramped.

Overall, In-N-Out is a guaranteed delicious meal for my family. I know quality. My unbiased view, What-a-disaster cannot compete. Just look at the reviews...