Kalapaki Joe's Poipu — Restaurant in Kauai

Staying close by, we decided to grab an evening dinner at Kalapaki Joe's before finishing the night off. It was ok.. Nothing to write home about, but not terrible by any means.

The food was a bit pricey for what it consisted of, but I guess you're paying for the advertising they do on MMA fighters shorts lol. Which I'm a fan, so it's all good.

I grabbed the Surfer's Nachos with Kalua Pork... They were decent, but again, nothing special. The pork was excellent, but the rest was a typical teenager type pile of chips with melted cheddar/jack cheese, so only the top layer was cheesy, but well below, was a mound of refried beans. Overall the taste was good, and the portion was large. For $14, I'd say they were a bit overpriced as an appetizer.

My wife got the Kalapaki Tacos with Kalua Pork. Those were straight up gross. I won't sugarcoat it at all. By the description, they consist of "Two tacos. Served on a cheese crusted tortilla w/ shaved cabbage, pico de gallo & tomatillo cream sauce".. That description fails to mention the meat and cabbage are all tossed together.. It becomes a mush mess of soggy cabbage that ruins the taste of the meat. She ate 2 bites and was done. Waste of money, big time.

My mom had the Bacon, Avocado and Pear salad, which looked really good, but definitely not $17 good. I didn't bother to taste it, but it look appetizing..

Lastly, my step daughter had the New York Steak PuPu... Seemed to enjoy it, although the flour tortillas were soggy and not worth eating.. She enjoyed the rest however.

What I can say, is if you want a good cocktail, they hit on point there. The Upside Down Pineapple was no joke and left my wife a lil goofy! Which I found to be fun and worth the $.... It ran $100 for 4 people to eat, 2 appetizers and 2 meals, 1 rootbeer, 2 beers and 1 cocktail. Just a bit overpriced for what you get. The drunken locals though were hilarious chasing the server chick...

All of the folks writing five star reviews must really be feeling the aloha spirit because this place is straight garbage. They claim to be the most western sports bar in the USA which is funny because they also happen to be the most western sports bar on the 0-10 scale. We started with the nachos which were an affront to everyone involved. From the chipmaker to the poor server who had to carry this plate in a public setting to the New Jersey gas station that had to package and ship the dish across 48 states and an ocean to this restaurant for service. I literally cannot think of a way to make nachos any worse. It was a plate of burnt tortilla chips, cheese wiz, and chicken that was cooked in a way that I am still trying to understand (my best guess is it was cooked in a ziplock bag and somehow involved a dishwasher). Seriously it was awful. We tried to salvage things by ordering edamame and Kailua pork. The edamame was drenched in oil… and I’m not sure why. The pork was… edible. Ultimately I would have preferred for the bartender to just take my $70 from the start, serve me a beer, and tell me to get out. I honestly thought I might be on an episode of Bar Rescue. If the Mona Lisa is Da Vinci’s penultimate work, Kalapaki Joe’s will be Jon Taffer’s Mona Lisa. Do yourself a favor and stay away. If you do decide to go, stick to beer. If you decide to live dangerously and order food please, for your family’s sake, make sure it’s something that is heated to at least 160 degrees F for a minimum of 10 minutes. I didn’t even mention the live music because it was honestly to bizarre to capture in words. The best part of the night (aside from walking out) was when the music stopped and I could hear myself think again. The bartender was...

We attended this establishment about five times during our stay. The first two times we ok. Nothing stellar, but ok. The last three times were absolutely awful. We thought "everyone has bad days," so I came back a couple more times after the first disappointing visit, but after three strikes in a row, we will not be back again.

The servers took forever to acknowledge us at the door and give us a menu, let alone take our order.

On two consecutive visits, they got the order wrong.

On the last visit, the Banana Foster Pancakes had hardly any sauce on them. I like pancakes but not enough to eat them dry... I also ordered a side of fruit, which was an incredibly small portion for the price and not at all what we received the first time we attended. There is no consistency in the standards of what they serve. Getting a refill on your drink was also impossible.

On the last visit, the table beside us also had a long wait, and when their food was brought out, they still had no cutlery to eat it with.

The manager/owner definitely needs to look into their staffing issues. We understand being short staffed. However, the waitress letting the customers know they are alone and overwhelmed can go a long way. Even something simple such as "Hi guys! I am running solo right now, so if I am running around, my name is **. If you need anything before I can get back here, just give me a shout, and I'll pop by ASAP" can go a long way!

The food is "ok" at best and nothing more, in my opinion. My 17 year old wouldn't eat the pulled pork scramble, and he literally eats anything.... Honestly, I'd probably choose McDonald's over this...