Coquette — Restaurant in New Orleans

deeply disappointing experience - i had such high hopes and expectation but it turned out to be one of the most awkward, uncomfortable and unsatisfying dining experiences I can remember. I am pretty sure that the "blind" tasting menu is meant to clean out leftovers in the kitchen and pantry and they don't print out the dishes so you can't actually hold them to any sort of standard.

"snacks" - devil egg and one tater tot... pretty much what you get if you bought pre-made devil eggs by the dozens at Walmart and microwaved a single frozen tater tot.

first course - autumn salad - this was probably the one decent dish with what I assume are garden-to-table veggies. the main problem is that together they tasted so bland. so much potential when you forage and room to be creative but instead you get an oily one-note salad.

second course - fried oysters with grilled okra - I appreciated the grilled okra and I guess there isn't anything wrong with the oysters except the they came out room temperature (you will see a theme emerging) and voided of any other flavor or texture besides the fried batter.

third course - this is where it went off the rail. by now, it has taken over an hour for the first two courses to be served and I am feeling increasingly ignored by the staff. next was some kind of fish served with chanterelles, curry... again, it arrived cold. I was told that the dish is meant to be room temp except the fish, which was supposed to be warm. but I was served a room temp fish with sides of cold mushrooms. the curry sauce was the most flavorful element all night. without it - the other components tasted like leftover takeouts (without re-heating).

fourth course - then it went from bad to worse. next was a fried pork chop. I supposed it is their interpretation of tonkatsu. it was served by itself on a plate - a plate with a piece of fried pork chop and nothing else. it did come with some sides - melted butter with capers, some kind of cucumber salad and what I was told was horseradish cream. thank g-d since there was no seasoning on the chop itself or in the batter...except the sides all turned out to have no flavor and taste either. and when I cut into the chop - well you guessed it - it was cold and the meat's doneness was similar to a quick seared tuna steak. I do wonder how they achieved the impossible - a golden brown crust on the outside and rubbery, undercooked pork on the inside. I eat raw meat all the time but this had a kind of half-baked, chewy, stale raw fish feel when you bite into it. at this point, I have had enough. after waiting for 10 minutes for someone to come by, I finally explained that I simply can't eat what was on the plate.

(there was about a 10 minute break at this point when I wasn't sure if I should just leave and end this nightmare)

another staff returned finally and told me that they measured the temp of the pork chop and that it was safe to eat (wait what??) but that they will make me something totally different.

at last - fourth course 2nd edition - they brought out smoked beef short rib, green mole, crispy rice, pumpkin seeds. the beef was perfectly done and prepared! but please, please, please do not use the word "mole" or "crispy" anywhere near the other components. I can't imagine the green "stuff" would remind anyone of anything remotely related to mole and I basically had to pick the short ribs out of the other stuff to enjoy it.

palette cleanser - this one was fine. it was cantaloupe sorbet in olive oil and pepper. it tasted fine and really I needed a cleanser at this point.

(oh so, at this point, the staff have basically stopped talking to me. I thought about leaving some cash and just take off because it was becoming awkward AF)

fifth course - dessert was some chocolate fudge-related thing that I honestly can't remember at all.

I am glad when it was finally over. maybe it was an off day for everyone all around...but still deeply...

I really wanted to like this place...and I really did not want to come here and give a bad review, which is why I took the liberty of emailing the Chef and Owner privately first. However, the response was so lackluster that I found it imperative to make this known to the public. I dined at Coquette on June 20th for their private Fried Chicken and Champagne Dinner with my girlfriend. I purchased two tickets in advance for our 1st night in Nola. We were super excited about this experience, especially coming in from New York and being industry folk ourselves. Our hopes were very high for this James Beard associated establishment. I purchased the initial ticket online and then called to purchase the 2nd and although I knew food would be served family style, "family style seating" was not reiterated over the phone. We were running 10-15 minutes late and made sure to notify the restaurant and the woman who answered the phone expressed no impending issues regarding our seating arrangements. When we arrived, however, we were horrified to hear that it was very unlikely that we would be able to sit together. We were told that it was first come first served (very different from "family style seating", but okay) and that we would basically have to fend for ourselves. I expressed my disappointment to the maitre'd/host and explained that I would like to sit with my friend. I mean that's the whole point of purchasing two tickets right? The woman was extremely inhospitable and even had the gall to ask me if I wanted to cancel my reservation. What I don't understand about the situation is what was so hard about her just going to see if it was possible to make room for us to sit together instead of standing there fighting with me and making me extremely uncomfortable. As a Maitre D', I have on many occasions politely asked guests at the bar to make space for others to enjoy as well. Not a difficult thing to do. But, I truly believe that because I was Black (we were the only ones btw) I was not awarded the same basic hospitality that I have given to literally every person who has come into any establishment where I have worked. I brought this to the attention of the owner and chef and while she was happy I enjoyed the meal and extremely disappointed that I felt unwelcome, all she did was thank me for bringing the issue to the forefront and hoped that I would come before asking me to consult them on how to handle this sort of issue moving forward. Just. No. The food may be good and worth the money, but wow, what horrible service from front to back. It is not my job to teach you how to be better at your job, which in it's simplest form is just being a decent human being and making people feel welcome. I have shared my experience with my white friends and they assure me that this would have NEVER happened to them. EVER. It just wouldn't. And I know it wouldn't. And how do I know? Because, I've seen it happen with my own eyes. And I know that they would be compensated with much more than a simple thank you. They would have also been extremely rude to the host (which I was not) and would have (you guessed it) asked for a manager IN PERSON...instead of being gracious and trying to handle the situation behind closed doors. Welp...I learned my lesson...don't expect top notch service when dining...

Extremely underwhelming and banal experience for me unfortunately. Coquette left much to be desired. My expectations were high due to the reviews, however, I found none of the dishes particularly groundbreaking. The courses lacked acidity, freshness, and depth. I left feeling unsatisfied and wished I’d just gone and found a bowl of gumbo. I enjoy a tasting menu for light servings of dishes with such complex flavors and vibrant intentionality that leave me nutritionally and emotionally sated, as well as wondering how I could possibly replicate the menu in my own. Sadly my experience didn’t deliver on these expectations.

MOST POSITIVE: My favourite thing was actually the off-menu cocktail the bartender made for me. It boasted phenomenal umami creativity from a sesame vermouth, snap pea gin, gentle zing from lemon and unctuous honey, that was divine.

MOST NEGATIVE: My critical issue was that the service did not seem special for the price, there was no surprise and delight. I was asked about food allergies and stated that while I am not strictly allergic to peanuts and can have them near my food, I cannot be served a whole nut. They served me an extremely rich peanut butter sorbet. Although this is on the cusp of what I informed the server of, at a restaurant of this caliber, it would be thoughtful to have been asked whether this was amenable to my peanut sensitivity. I felt awkward and ate it, I think I have a complex when I’m dining alone as a Black women in a space with predominantly white clientele to not want to be rude and send things back, but I went to bed with a horrible stomach ache from the dish. The establishment lacked a certain courteousness I expect when spending a pretty penny on a meal. It’s much more usual for restaurants to be over cautious of allergies, I found this bizarre and almost reckless.

COURSE REVIEW

1st course: beet purée with strawberries - this one was the most well presented and probably my favourite

2nd course: awful, literally three non-deveined shrimp poached in olive oil with white bread, they put a butter plate in front of me and put nothing on it. Not a fan of pulling poop out of my shrimp.

3rd course: red snapper on a purée I can’t recall and a tomato jam. I actually quite liked the flavour of the purée and jam, but the fish itself was very over cooked and lacked succulence.

4th course: braised short rib with charred lettuce and lettuce purée, fennel. The pickled fennel needed more sharpness to help digest the rich short rib. The short rib itself was pretty tasty and I did enjoy the lettuce, but I felt like short rib and lettuce were sort of the dominant flavors and the dish needed more range. I think this would still be general enjoyed by most customers! I am biased here because I don’t actually eat much beef.

5th course: peanut butter sorbet and merengue. See above, the merengue was good!!

6th course: chocolate mousse crumble thing. Honestly didn’t find this special at all. It again lacked balance...