Satellite Tavern — Restaurant in Portland

UPDATED for Satellite Tavern: I'm really bummed to write a negative review for Satellite!!! Have been there twice since the re-branding and I'm sadly disappointed. Live in the neighborhood and have been really looking forward to the re-opening of this spot. Felt like this is what the neighborhood needed.

My family and I went for one of the first breakfast services and they were busy, no problem there, we were warned it would take a while to get our food - again that's fine. When we finally got our food, my huevos rancheros were cold, but my super small side of hash-browns were pipping hot. The bartender/server was the saving grace here, checking on us and filling up the decent coffee.

So, we thought, maybe their dinner is where they'll shine. We were sadly disappointed again. We took some friends there and one of them subbed the cajun fries for the $3 and got (we counted) 6 waffle fries. The boxed white wine was $7 and not very good. The nachos didn't have much melted cheese and chili on them; all the chips under the top layer were bone dry. Again, bit of a disappointment. Service was good. Attentive waitress saves the day.

Overall, hoping the kinks get worked out soon and the quality of the food gets back to the Patton Maryland standard, (we loooved the food for Patton).

For now, happy hours are back at Old Gold/Spitz...

Patton Maryland Review:Southern comfort food, really cool atmosphere. Small room near kitchen with slot machines, great Patio with...

The service at Patton Maryland is great, and the space is lovely, with a spacious but not too loud dining room and massive back patio.

Sadly the food is terrible. Dry barbecue follows flavorless fried cauliflower, the pickled eggs are under salted , and their vaunted home-made potato chips are uneven: some hot and spicy, others cold and flavorless.

Out of six burgers I've eaten there, one was cooked to the order. Medium was burnt one time, another medium rare was soggy and cold.

There is so much good barbecue in portland, a place with no bottles of sauce that serves all their meat bone dry just doesn't hold up.

On top of that, prices are STEEP. $50 for dinner for two without drinks. Totally fair for a delicious meal of barbecue, but somewhat less reasonable for ineptly cooked cardboard.

Mixed drinks are also pretty uneven. The trappings of a fancy bar are there: the huge ice cubes and hand-made garnishes. But my manhattan was all whiskey, my dirty martini lacked brine, and the signature happy hour cocktail tasted of cough syrup.

Service has...

I live in the neighborhood, and had been a few times before, but never again.

Go to Haymaker on Killingsworth for better food. (Chances are that Dave will be manning the bar. He's a cool dude.)

Or, go to Seraveza (also on Killingsworth) for better ambiance, and a huge selection of beers.

As for Satellite? The food is okay, but they're jerks. And that's enough reason to fail in Portland, because there are so many other places to choose from that get the fundamentals right. Not least is Satellite's uneven customer service (as in other reviews, I experienced it too), but also they're really bad neighbors, regularly ignoring Portland noise ordinances with some overpowered outdoor speakers. They really do not care about the neighborhood in the least.

Maybe you don't mind supporting a business that's a bad neighbor or not. But you can find better spots for both food and atmosphere, just in walking distance...