Screen Door PDX Airport (Concourse B) — Restaurant in Portland

The staff were friendly and definitely did their job. Nothing over and above. Nothing sub par. The general atmosphere being in an airport considered, was average. Nothing bad. Nothing good. The food was AWFUL. This is coming from a total foodie/fat kid. I have a small handful of dislikes with food, but I’m far from a picky eater. We know being in an airport they basically have you by the jewels. They can provide a minimum product for a premium price. We of course knew this prior to traveling as it’s far from our first time traveling.

They told my partner that as they are located in an airport the only option for the burger he ordered was medium well or well done. Definitely not his taste. He made the comment once the staff were not standing there was that he was expecting it to be like gnawing on the table itself. I ordered the biscuits and gravy with a side of scrambled eggs. Why? How bad can one eff that up? Well I was schooled on that today! In defense of staff I don’t think it was a preparation problem. But a product quality and recipe problem. However, it seemed to be taken as a personal challenge. It was extremely obvious that the ingredients were the cheapest possible option they could find.

The burger…..ugh. Where to start. The patty was slathered with mystery sauce. Inedible. It smelled like straight vinegar. When we asked staff what the sauce was, as we were trying to identify the taste and smells…we were told a house something sauce. Couldn’t really hear her well. Not her fault. But she said it was mayo based with horseradish. When asked if there was vinegar she was not certain but said probably. She kindly asked if there was an issue with food allergies or tolerances. No there’s not. It’s just gross. This place doesn’t understand moderation or what things are a little go a long way. My partner had asked for a side of ranch for his side. They said not a problem. The brought something out that appeared to be ranch. But good God we have no idea what it was. But there was a crap ton of dill. Yes a crap ton is a valid measurement.

Mine…the egg looked like one. But it didn’t taste like one. It wasn’t awful. But it was similar to an egg consistency. It was the color of an egg. But there was absolutely zero flavor. Chewing on cardboard but squishier would be a decent comparison. The biscuit was bland. No flavor. Very crunchy outside. And dry or mush inside. Ya it was both. The “gravy” was heavily salted. Had a crap ton of parsley and some other herb I can’t place. All you could taste was salt and herb. It overpowered everything. Nothing was edible. However, we hate wasting food and money. So we choked down what we could ahead of a 5ish hour flight so we weren’t hangry when we landed, and both totally bitchy.

The charges….the menu showed $3.50 per soda. We received the initial and then one refill. The ticket was $4.00 each. Not a big deal but why the difference?? Food was accurate on price. They charged $1.50 for the ranch imposter heavy on the dill. I don’t recall seeing that on the menu and we certainly were not told. But I may have just overlooked it on the menu. I’m not gonna blame if I’m not sure here. Btw, the burger like item is 17.00 and the biscuits and gravy slop was 15.00.

It was 0645 in the morning. They were out of the one local soda option. I prefer the home made so to speak. Then they are a menu that relies heavily on fried chicken. Somehow they were completely out of fried chicken. Over half the menu included it. So how are you at that early in the day? And who sucks at planning ahead there. I heard bits and pieces of other items they were out of as well but couldn’t catch all of it.

Rolling the dice with a vending machine is a better option. He’ll the McDonalds (aka McCrapples) is a waaaay...

In the eternal fight between right and wrong, dark and light, good and evil, we find there is always a shadow self, a being from the darkness that haunts our dreams and sows unrest like the blackberry vines that creep into our garden.

This is what The Screen Door at the PDX airport is, a dark and distorted other self, the evil mirror of the real Screen Door. Perhaps a better name would be Cafeteria Door, or Poor Cousin Door.

Why would The Real Screen Door do this? I suppose for the money, but certainly not for the prestige. Folks traveling through the high B Gates who happen to stop there for a quick repast are unlikely to go to the real version. It was in a word prettybad.

I had the biscuits and gravy with a side of the breakfast potatoes. The potatoes had an over abundance of Cajun seasoning that was thick and left the mouth feeling dusty and rebellious. Too salty by half, the potatoes themselves were soft, but not in a redeeming way, but more of a mushy way. There was no resistance, no skin, no texture. I could not finish them, which is unusual as I love my carbs.

But a sin worse than the soft, dusty excuse for potatoes was the centerpiece of the meal. The biscuits and gravy were a disappointment. The biscuits bland and dense and the gravy a boring, non-savory mess that did nothing to rescue the hapless biscuits.

If there was a brief light of hope there in the darkness, it was Ayana the waitress who was attentive and pleasant. She was a pro and perhaps should land in the world of light and serve food as it was meant to be served, well made with love.

As an inveterate traveler I get it, it’s airport food. I mean, what do I expect? It’s not meant to be fine dining. No one will ever run out to the PDX Screen Door for a fun night on the town. It will always be the dark shadow of the real thing. It will always be the poor relative that the family shuns and likes to pretend is not related to them.

So when you are wandering in the light and hunger strikes, don’t be tempted by the dark side, but like Gandolf, always reach...

I remember going to the original location on Burnside forever and a day ago because of how much hype it got with their fried chicken. I was told their chicken and waffles were better than Roscoes in LA. Long story short, I was very much lied to. They couldn’t hold a candle to Roscoes. It wasn’t bad, it was just a let down. So, I never went back.

So fast forward to today, the Screendoor was right next to my terminal at the airport. A Bloody Mary and chicken and waffles sounded like a great way to start my day so I decided to give it a shot again.

To start, the bloody was delicious…but then I saw the bartender using Zing Zang, so I was like oh of course it’s good. But I thought it might be an in house recipe.

The chicken and waffles plate came with 2 good sized tenders and 3 mini waffles. At first I was a little bummed about that, but it ended up workout really well. I must say, this was all very unexpected. The chicken was absolutely fire. The breading was fantastic, light, crunchy and peppery. Very flavorful. The chicken stayed moist, and with the help of the syrup it was a perfect combo. The waffles were great, and ended up being the perfect amount in the end. The potatoes were fine, nothing special. But they were all cooked perfectly, crispy on the outside and soft on the inside.

I tell ya what, after this experience, I might just be making my way back to Burnside to check them out again. I was very pleasantly happy with...