Troutini — Restaurant in Troutdale

Dear reader, My apologies in advance for any grammatical trainwrecks, spelling errors, or punctuation disasters in the following review. My review is not a paid endorsement of any kind. This is based on my experiences. Enjoy.

I was looking for a light lunch. What I found at Troutini was not exactly what I would call a "light lunch", because "light"; to me,(at least in MY mind) implies that I'd leave hungry. I didn't. I left Toutini with a food buzz. Not an alcoholic buzz, but a "food high", if you will. I didn't get overfed. The proportions at troutini are not skimpy by any means, but I did speak to another guy later on that evening who felt like the portions were too small. He went on to complain about it a some length, actually. Look.Don't expect truck stop food, prices and or portions. In fact; lets talk about quality for a sec. Quality over quantity. Every. Time. That being said, it's actually pretty generous portions of artisan stuff for the price. The meals are balanced, filling, and above all other things: they are wait for it... Delicious. Good. Like rillly, rillly good, Becky. Chef Nick and Sous Chef Brian are very talented and present top notch food every time. They only work with fresh, locally sourced foods that change with the seasons, variety, and availability.

The reason I can tell you all this, is because I came back a second time with my wife, on a different day. On that day, we came in very late and stayed long enough that they had to close around us. I had a rare opportunity to watch the staff in action; cleaning up and preparing for the next day. They seem to be a tight team. The chef came out, poured a beer, sat down at a table in the middle of the closed restaurant and began preparing his list for the next day's food haul. My wife and I struck up a conversation with everyone as they cleaned up and closed. They were all exceptionally charming and hospitable. They didn't have any idea that I was going to write about them. I just feel compelled to. Troutini left has left us with an excellent "after-food-glow" each time that we've gone. We visited several times since my very first...

My experience must have been an anomaly. I genuinely hope it was. My dining companions enjoyed their meals, but mine was dreadful. Yeah...dreadful sounds about right. What I ordered was advertised as a 1/3 pound burger with bacon, Gorgonzola, and grilled onions on a brioche bun. I ordered it medium, without onions. What I got was maybe a 1/4 burger, done beyond well-done, bacon the thickness and toughness of the sole of a wingtip dress shoe, the bun toasted to the consistency of a store-brand graham cracker, with bits of dried up chewy Gorgonzola jammed in the top of the bun. It was the worst burger I have ever tried. No exaggeration.

The waitress -bless her- narrated everything she did, with an uncomfortably odd "pre-school teacher on Xanax" cadence in her voice that ended in a contrived upward glissando at the end of each sentence. And she seemed especially fond of the word "sneak". "I'm just gonna sneak some more water to ya heeeeeeere..." "I'll sneak you the menus. There ya gooooooo." "Let me just sneak you the check, mmkaaaaaayyyee..."

Now, the atmosphere...that was neat. Seriously. The place is cool. I sincerely wish the food was as positive an experience as the...

Wanted to love this place. My wife and I went in for breakfast I got corned beef hash and she got the club salad. Both plates were beautiful. Both meals were disappointingly bland and under seasoned. Also got a coffee mug with lipstick on the rim that definitely did not come from me.

Response to owner’s reply: It’s bad form to respond defensively to critical reviews. Makes you look petty and insecure. I’m not surprised by the attitude as no one apologized for the dirty cup I received while I was eating there. In response to your asinine comment, we most certainly did eat at Troutini. Sorry for misremembering the name of the tasteless, overpriced salad my wife had. It had salmon, bacon, egg, etc. beautiful presentation, ugly taste.

I felt that the food we had was poorly seasoned. Cooked well, but painfully bland. I’ve seen other reviews that say the same. Had you responded saying that you were sorry my experience wasn’t great and that you hoped I’d give it another try, I definitely would have as I like to support local businesses, but after your cringeworthy response, definitely not...