Cafe Excello — Restaurant in Melbourne

Café Excello, a place where you pay top dollar for a sandwich, but the true cost is measuring your patience against the whimsical chaos of Melbourne’s finest feathered creatures. I ordered a sourdough with salmon and avocado, expecting a serene breakfast, where I could enjoy my meal in peace and think about the deep mysteries of the universe, like why some people don’t get the correct use of "literally." But no, peace was not on the menu. Instead, I was treated to a live-action version of Birds vs. Humans.

You see, Café Excello seems to think that leaving their door wide open somehow enhances the dining experience. I get it, fresh air, sunshine, a warm, inviting breeze. Except they forgot one little detail: Melbourne’s pigeons. These flying rats seem to think that "free food" means "come on in and ruin someone's day." So, there I was, ready to devour my overpriced breakfast, when a greedy pigeon sauntered in like it owned the place, flapping around like it had just won the lottery. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t care for dining with a bird who believes it’s entitled to my salmon.

Naturally, the café staff, who clearly don't have a "bird protocol", did absolutely nothing. No one came to shoo the feathered menace out, and no one bothered to close the door, which was evidently now the grand entrance to the bird kingdom. So, I had no choice but to leave in frustration, having only taken a single bite of my $18 sandwich. That's right, 18 dollars for one bite. Worth every penny if you’re into bird-based interruptions.

So, here’s my advice to you:

If the door is closed, go in, eat your meal, and pretend that pigeons are not part of the experience.

If the door is open, bring your bird repellent, because clearly, Café Excello has a "wildlife welcome policy" where the only thing getting served faster than your meal is the next bird looking for a free snack.

Would I go back? Maybe, if I’m feeling adventurous enough to dine at a wildlife zoo. But, unless they start charging birds for their meals, I’m going to stick to places that understand the concept of "closed doors" and "no pigeons allowed."

Three stars for the food, because the salmon was good, and it would’ve been a nice meal... if not for the flock of freeloaders who crashed my breakfast. But next time, I’ll bring a pigeon whistle, maybe that’ll get the café’s attention. Or better yet, a microwave for my $18 sandwich, so I can eat...

Seriously the worst cafe Experience I have ever had, the staff was so miserable except for one guy who was nice but forgot to put my order through therefore I was waiting excessive just to be literally 'thrown' a menu at me. Coffee was below average and out of proportion for regular espresso standards, was not very busy however food took a while although the meal was not one to complain about. Water from the roof dripped on me twice, I went up to try pay and was ignored until the woman with the large nose demanded "what are you doing" as if I were her lousy employee, I told her what I had as she didn't know, went to hand her my cash until she started string away randomly at nothing, pausing, then snatching my cash without giving me change not making any eye contact whatsoever, I didnt even bother as I just wanted to get out of there. I eat out for breakfast once a week atleast and always have for years and somehow I am able to clearly say this was the worst place I've been to for my morning meal. This is the 2nd complaint/bad review I have ever written in my life, I wouldnt have gone out of my way to say this unless I was genuinely this displeased with the entire thing. Rudeness does not belong in...

Stopped in on our way to the museum for a coffee and breakfast as it was in a perfect spot ( were from newcastle so we dont know the are ) Walked in to ask for a table and we were met with a server who asked " eating in or take way " we advised we were eating in and she gave us 2 menus and said " it's table service ". My wife and I sat down found our own seating and when our order was taken the server was just rude and abrupt. When the food came out it was just placed on the table without words and she came back to put salt and pepper grinders on the table. Will add that the coffee that I had was amazing. I had finished my food but my wife had barely began when the same server took the salt and pepper straight off our table without words and gave to another customer who must have been more important.

I would put it to a big city attitude but everywhere else we went for food or attraction have been so helpful and warm. Whole experience felt like we were a inconvenience and the amount of cafes area we'd definitely pick a different one if we read...