Imperial Hotel — Restaurant in Melbourne

As someone whose culinary adventures rarely extend beyond carefully calculated meal plans and whose standards for service are often perceived as bordering on neurotic (though I prefer “rigorously logical”), I must say: The Imperial Hotel in Melbourne CBD is, quite definitively, a statistically significant outlier in the chaotic dataset that is the hospitality industry.

Let us begin with cleanliness , which, in my opinion, ranks only slightly below oxygen on the hierarchy of needs. The bar at Imperial Hotel is so immaculate, I momentarily pondered whether I had stepped into a parallel universe curated by Marie Kondo and Mr. Clean. Not a single water ring on a table. Not one sticky residue on the menu. Even the air felt purified, as if scrubbed free of disorder.

Now, onto the ordering protocol , a triumph in efficiency! There is no need to partake in the primitive ritual of queuing, which I have long held is a tragic misallocation of time and spatial resources. At Imperial, you simply locate a table (a surprisingly simple task), scan a QR code, input your gastronomical desires, and behold! sustenance arrives directly at your coordinates. It is reminiscent of the replicators on Star Trek, minus the voice command and intergalactic energy signature.

I ordered an apple juice, and it was initially delivered with ice cubes a mistake, but a forgivable one. Upon expressing my aversion to diluting the sacred juice matrix with frozen water shards, the staff member responded not with hostility or indifference, but with the enthusiasm of a man who truly understands that personal preference is not a suggestion, but an immutable law of comfort. He happily returned with a corrected glass, sans cubes, thus restoring thermodynamic balance to my meal.

My main course was a chicken schnitzel and chips, and allow me to state without hyperbole: it was a textural and gustatory masterclass. The schnitzel was so perfectly breaded that I believe it could be reverse-engineered by NASA for use as a thermal shield. Crunchy yet juicy, structured yet tender a paradox resolved on a plate. The chips were golden, seasoned with the precision of a NASA chemist measuring isotopes. And when I, with great humility, requested additional sauce, it was granted with the graciousness of a benevolent monarch.

To summarise:

Clean bar? Impeccable. Possibly cleaner than my own living room and I vacuum daily.

Perfect for dates, solo work, or sports viewing? Affirmative. The ambiance is a multi-purpose marvel, like a Swiss Army knife made of ambiance.

Affordability? I have spent more money on a single Funko Pop than I did on this well-prepared, table-served feast.

Service? Immaculate. Courteous. Efficient. Frankly, Nobel-worthy.

In closing, if you are visiting Melbourne’s CBD and bypass the Imperial Hotel, you are committing an act of social and gastronomical lunacy. This place is, for lack of a better term, a gem , 0the Higgs boson of bars. Rare. Elegant. And capable of holding the entire structure of a great day together.

I shall return. Possibly tomorrow. Possibly with a date. Or with a book. Or to watch cricket. But most certainly, to enjoy a cube-free apple juice and the world’s...

I booked parliament room for 25 pax lunch in Nov. Glad that they followed some of my instructions (not all) stated on email to arrange a long table instead of separate table and we had the whole room for ourselves. Atmosphere was great. I really appreciate that!

However, there’s no table setting at all (no plate, not enough cutlery, only glasses placed on table). I purposely called to ask few days before the lunch to check for table setting and was told that there will have proper table setting.

Secondly, no one help to take order from us! We’re told by the unhelpful guy down there at the bar that we need to order from qrcode. But I can’t get my guests to pay on their own by scanning the qr as me and my husband wanted to treat them so we asked if they can help to take the order then we pay all at once but was answered a NO. Finally… without IMperial hotel’s help, my guest managed to figure out group order function on the qr. The staff at the bar/cashier was not helpful at all. He just replied that “theres no waiter upstairs as we do not open that section for lunch except for you.” there’s only 1 waiter who served us food and he’s only there when there’s food to be served. And so… we need to go to the kitchen by ourselves to get our own cutlery, plates etc.

We already booked a lunch for such a big group month before the event , we’d at least expect someone to serve us and if service is good we are happy to tip him. it’s such a shame to us who invited all of my friends for lunch there. I will never host any lunch or dinner event...

DISCLAIMER THIS REVIEW IS AIMED AT SECURITY WHO ARE SUB-CONTRACTED Went here on the 23rd of March with a group of friends. Towards the end of the night around 12:30am a very intoxicated lady by herself, I'd say in her 50s, came up to our group and was trying to be apart of our conversation and then started saying inappropriate remarks and swearing. We were all very uncomfortable and on edge that she would escalate into more aggressive behaviour. I went and told the security guard on duty, who also had his badge number conveniently hidden in his shirt. He said 'okay' to my report and then proceeded to do nothing. We ended up leaving because the vibe had shifted and then when waiting for an Uber out the front I went to tell the security guard who was at the entrance about the intoxicated lady harassing people and how I'd already reported it to be met with no action and he then asked me to show him how to post on Instagram. I then spent the next 5/10 minutes helping him post an anniversary post on Instagram for his wife. He was very nice albeit not helpful, the first security guard was neither.

So I'm not sure if the lady was ever kicked out but at least security guard #2 got his anniversary post up for his wife!

I have never been to a venue where if I'd make a complaint about a patron it wasn't met with swift response whether it be asking them to leave or addressing their behaviour. Other than that the actual service was great all the bar staff were...