Peking Express | since 1984 — Restaurant in Toronto

The Nightmare of the Chicken Balls

It all began with a “buy one, get one free” deal. Twenty-four golden chicken balls, glistening in their sticky red sauce, arrived at my door like an army waiting to be devoured. I once marked the end of finals by feasting on pounds of AAA beef at an all-you-can-eat barbecue, yet even that victory meal could not prepare me for the carnage that followed. The first four or five chicken balls were delightful—crispy, savory, slightly sweet. By the seventh, my enthusiasm faltered. By the twelfth, I felt like a soldier stranded in enemy territory. Yet another box still stared at me. My brain whispered, You paid for them, you must finish them. So I marched on in the evening. Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. Each bite heavier, each swallow slower. By the nineteenth, I was no longer eating food; I was executing a mission. When I forced down the twenty-third, nausea hit like a tidal wave. The twenty-fourth was the final bullet. I staggered to the bathroom, face red, eyes bloodshot, and purged the chicken balls back into the void from whence they came. That night, something inside me died. Chicken balls, once a guilty pleasure, became a cursed symbol. The trauma spread outward: sweet-sour pork now tastes like pig stench, orange chicken like wooden sponges. Even my beloved fried chicken wings have been wounded. The great “Sweet-Sauce American Chinese Genocide” was complete. And the cruelest irony? Twenty-seven dollars for this tragedy. Walmart sells whole chicken breasts less than three dollar each. In economic terms, I bought two traumatizing bites of poultry per breast. In psychological terms, I purchased a permanent aversion. So let history record: on that day, the chicken balls perished, their dynasty erased, their taste banished forever...

The Peking Express special egg foo yung is very good. The fact that one often sees Toronto Police Services and Ambulance Drivers at the order desk is testament to the quality and the consistency of their menu offerings. They have a very strong delivery business; on a weekend evening I often see eight to ten line chefs at the woks, and three staff members marshalling the orders and processing payments. Peking Express is the REAL DEAL. I used to live in their catchment area, and I developed a great rapport with Charles and Mingh. Charles is still there; methinks he is more involved in the staffing and administration of the restaurant. The dishes are sensibly and gently salted and the frying oils are switched out with Cape Canaveral efficiency. Oftimes, Chinese restaurants will cut corners by using their canola oil for too many days, the result: burn deep-fried food, dripping with grease. The spring rolls from Peking Express always come up piping hot and the outer shell is a honey-wheat colour. Testament to their continued commitment to excellence. I now live east of Coxwell, so I must drive to Parliament for pick-up - mark my words: it is...

Damn — I’m blown away by how subpar this neighborhood institution was. I try my best to not dunk on small/local businesses (peep my review history you’ll see) but where’s the 0.5* option…

Got Combo #6 (fried rice, spring roll, beef broccoli, and chicken balls). The only thing worth having was the spring roll - probably because it was frozen and they didn’t make it. Otherwise. The fried rice is just a greasy, oily mess that I couldn’t cook as bad on my most depressed and inebriated day. The “beef broccoli” - or should I say mushy broccoli with a surprise cameo featuring four half-pinky finger morsels of beef were an aggravating let down. The chicken balls were doughy, dry, and tasteless save for the sweet and sour sauce they came with. I imagine the stress ball on my desk, once slathered in the S/S sauce, would have a similar taste and texture.

Holy moly I wouldn’t feed this to my enemies. Do yourself a favour and grab Sambusas from Wanaag across the street and a pizza from Nour Pizza up the street. It’s too bad I was really looking forward to the meal to break my fast on.

Only other positive was the woman taking orders at the front was friendly...