The Bird — Restaurant in Berlin

Went here about a month ago with a few friends. The food wasn't bad, but I would rate what I tried a 3 out of 5 (wings, cheesecake and fries). The waitress was super friendly so she gets a 5 out of 5. However, I have a serious issue with the things they have written all over the place.

First they have a sign telling people they don't have diet coke, gluten free, coffee or tea and blah, blah, blah. To me, that sign comes across as hostile and I never order or ask for any of those things to begin with! I mean for example, if someone is Gluten intolerant like my boss at work is, eating it will in fact cause you to feel TERRIBLE. It's a real thing that real people deal with so I don't get what the issue is with asking, because guaranteed, they have Gluten free things on their menu but are choosing to be rude about it instead of informative. Also, if someone wants to watch their damn weight, or they are diabetic and can only drink diet drinks, they should be able to ask for something diet without feeling like social pariahs.

Then, as I was looking at the menu, I noticed that in it they also throw a fit about eating burgers with a knife and fork, how it pisses them off, and how they should be eaten using hands. There's also another rant about how burgers should be ordered not well done because it takes 45 minutes and they basically taste terrible.

I don't eat burgers with a fork and knife but, who gives a s**t if other people do lol? However, I do eat my burgers and my meats well done because I was raised under a religion that states that I should avoid eating blood or anything bloody. And even though I don't follow that religion now as an adult, I still stick with that belief and I enjoy the taste of well done (so sue me!). So basically, even though I was hungry for a burger, I ended up going with wings because I didn't feel like I could even ask for a freaking burger the way I wanted to eat it. Also, on what planet does it take 45 minutes to cook a burger well done?

Anyway, in all honesty I probably would've left and eaten elsewhere had I not been there with friends that recommended this place to me. I for sure will not be returning. Not that the owner of this place cares since he or she is so non-caring and edgy lol. I guess it's so cool nowadays to shame people for their taste in food or their health issues...

I've been sitting here for over an hour and a half. The picture you see should contain and empty plate and a happy belly - this review should be somewhere between 4-5 stars. Instead, you the viewer get treated to a photo of an empty space on the table, as no food has materialized. I wanted this to be a good review, as I have been to other branches of the Bird and fallen in love with the food. I even posted an Instagram of Da Birdhouse burger and it got no less than 17 likes. Does that make me a food critic? Probs.

I digress. Right now, all I can feel is affinity with Gandalf the White, who once described "minutes felt like hours, hours days and everyday felt as long as a life age of the earth".

1 star gained because we just got offered carrots and dip after 90 minutes.

Edit: Carrots somehow turned into so chopped pickles and a bowl of what I guess is mayo?

Cool stuff.

Edit 2: Go around the corner to the Mexican place. The food isn't amazing, but it is real. That place gets a solid 5/7.

Edit 3: Things I could have done while waiting in the Bird:

Flown from Berlin to numerous cities around Europe.

Watched a good chunk of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace - ironically.

Played a game of football. Looped "They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard" around 50 times.

Run a 10k, gone home and showered.

Watched a good chunk of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back - unironically.

Considered suicide for 89 minutes, and then thought otherwise.

Made the 7 burgers my group ordered, without much issue.

Thought about ghosts.

Taken almost 7 20 minute naps.

Got sucked into a Wikipedia hole.

Pooped.

Actually taken the hobbits...

First, the good: The meat patty is of decent size. You get a ton of fries - you won't go hungry from here. The pickle was one of the best I ever had. The domestic (normal) draft beer is not too overpriced.

Then the bad: No sugar-free drink options (except water) for people that may not drink drinks containing sugar. They provide the dullest cutlery (a butter knife). They wish you to eat the burger with your hands, but many people may find this unhygienic or just too messy. Taken the current health situation into account, many people don't want to touch the burger after who knows what they may have touched with their hands. I ordered medium-rare, the burger came slightly over medium. May be just a bad luck or may be unskilled chefs.

Finally, the so-so: The fries are very soft and soggy. I like this, but this may not be to the taste of everybody. The burger is of two meat patties, placed on top of each other, between two very small bread buns. This makes it very tall and very difficult to eat. I would have preferred the same amount of meet, but just flatter, as this makes it much easier to handle. The burger comes disassembled. This means, you get the burger and the salad, tomato slice and pickle on the side. It's up to you to put it in the already very tall burger. I guess that the rationale is that not everybody wants this stuff in their burger, but my guess is that 80% are ok if it was in the burger when it leaves the kitchen. If one doesn't like something, it can always be taken out. The burgers may be too greasy for some people. I am OK, but many may find it...