Points for a quirky ambiance that doesn't have obnoxiously loud music, total fail for everything else.

Staff are half asleep, forgetting the first order by the time they've written down the last order (yes, you can forget something that's on the notepad you're holding!), and drag heavy wooden chairs across a hardwood floor.

Gin and tonic are served in a rocks class filled with tiny ice cubes, such that by the time it gets to you, the gin's already diluted 1:1. No point even adding the tonic. What was supposed to come with a grapefruit garnish, according to the menu, came with an orange wedge…maybe they hadn't realised they were running low on grapefruit too?

That is, assuming the gin ever gets to you. They don't actually keep tabs on what they do and don't have anymore — they only find out when someone orders.

As for the food, this is precisely the kind of stuff that gives British cuisine a bad name. Chicken and leek pie was a bowl of oily yellow water; the steak and Guinness pie was literally a bowl of boiled beef (granted, tender) with Guinness and broth diluted to homeopathic proportions using cornstarch and water. No vegetables, no herbs.

It's tragic when the pie's pastry has more flavour than the filling.

To serve that with a bowl of underdone chunky fries (no salt!) AND a bowl of boiled potatoes and carrots (also no seasoning) is a joke. A ridiculous amount of starch, none of it with any flavour.

The scotch egg was mildly better (though the yolk was a little overcooked), but flavourless haggis…isn't the whole point of haggis to be well seasoned?