Lost in the Lanes — Restaurant in Great Britain

14th September £100 total

What’s in a name? The short answer is quite a lot. For reasons of happy personal circumstance it’s a question very much front of mind at the moment; I’ve been picking my way through the thorny thicket of negative onomastic association recently (a particular moniker forever reminding me of a particular Monica, for example) and contemplating the plausibility of nominative determinism (is a child with the name of an old lady destined to act like an old lady from birth?).

So yes Bill, perhaps a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but that doesn’t mean that when Mich suggested dinner at Lost in the Lanes I was able to easily set aside my initial impression we’d be eating in a coffee shop. Because that’s what it sounds like it is. Even when I went online and looked at the menu and found evidence of proper cooking in the imaginative small plates there (see: salmon pastrami with gooseberry, samphire and peas), there was something inside me bracing itself for one of those ham and cheese toasties out of a plastic wrap.

But I was quickly able to shed my slightly bizarre associative complex when we got there. Because it doesn’t look like a coffee shop - even though, mind-bendingly, it also is one - to the point I’m now wondering how I’d feel having a morning pastry in there. It looks modern and chic, with lots of open space, dried flowers and single bulbs on long wires hanging from wooden beams on the ceiling, a cut-out in the wall through to the kitchen - that kind of thing. And in the flesh the menu helped too, because there were about a million things on there I wanted to eat.

We eschewed the large plates entirely, as much to save room for variety as any other reason, and before long there was no room for elbows on our little circular marble tabletop; in a bout of FOMO I kept calling the waitress back to add things to our order and rather than describe them all individually my overall reflection was this: sometimes sampling lots of little things can reflect worse on the standard of cooking than if we’d just gone olives-bread-starter-main. Comparison is, of course, the thief of joy, but when Mich and I are eating smorgasbords it’s absolutely in our nature to rank each dish against one another, and unavoidably there are those that don’t quite hit the spot as well as others. Negativity bias then perhaps leaves a feeling of lesser satisfaction than if the one big main had been served with the same quality as the average across a range of tasting plates.

And there really was a range of quality in what we ate, I thought. The toursi tasted like the pickling process had sucked all the life and flavour out of the veg (and having figs in there was just weird), whereas the feta cigars and that first bite of bombette were perfect. There was a fair bit of middle-of-the-road stuff too. But then speaking of negativity bias, I ordered a cheesecake when I don’t usually order dessert, and… it just wasn’t one. It was a sort of chocolate mousse (with no mention of chocolate on the menu) layered on top of a bit of cream cheese, which I tried to scrape off and salvage, and no base. I left with that annoying feeling of unsatiated, unsatisfied fullness, and lost amongst that was any memory of the stuff Lost in the Lanes had done...

Sadly our experience here was not good. We saw a couple enjoying a delicious slice of chocolate cake outside with coffee.....so, in we went. We asked if it was OK to just have coffee cake, which was greeted with a yes, you can sit in the window on the bar stools. After a while we started to wonder where the drinks were, looking over to the till, there they were, sitting there waiting to be brought over...another 5 mins went by before someone decided to cut the cake and put it next to our order... then another few minutes before it was brought over. No sugar was offered or brought over so we went to ask for some and was told someone would bring it over.... they never did. We had to go up again and ask and by which time the coffee (clearly very good coffee to be fair) was practically too cold to drink. The cake was delicious for what it's worth. The window bar we were sat at was incredibly sticky and could have done with a clean. On the way out I said thank you, as you do, to the staff wiping a table nearest the door and got completely ignored. Usually, it is the staff that say thank you to patrons upon leaving. Lost in the Lanes? Perhaps when you find this place you could locate the service for them as thay seemd to have gone for a meander. It took 4 members of staff from purchase, brewing, slicing and then table service, to deliver the most expensive brew and slice I've ever had. Good cake though, my compliments...

This is a diamond among all the jewellery shops of The Lanes. A limited menu of fresh, seasonal options and delicious desserts was just right. As a starter, the two thick slices of focaccia with kalamata olives were a lovely interpretation of the Italian bread, served with a high quality olive oil & balsamic dip. Of the small plates, the delicious Rosemary Crispy Potatoes were grilled to a lovely date-dark brown and the fresh Spring Greens had a generous coverage of wild garlic pesto. The only criticism is that the sails of leaves were far too big for the plate to be attacked comfortably and spilled out onto the table, but the waitress graciously accepted the suggestion that the chef could cut them to more manageable bite-size flags. The rich Grilled Cod with potato fondant was beautifully presented, delicate and deceptively filling. There was hardly room for dessert, but we managed to find some for a wedge of splendid Lemon Cheesecake and the pavilion-dome-shaped Carrot Cake, which was so good they even put a cherry on top. Unfortunately, the coffee was not to the table's connoisseur's taste, but the overall meal, modern decor and friendly service more than made up for any shortcomings. And the bill, even with a baked-in gratuity, was reasonable. Well done to the chef and staff. Highly...