Browns Nottingham — Restaurant in Nottingham

Browns: Where the Burger Wants to Escape and the Fish Glows in the Dark

We thought we’d try Browns despite some alarm bells from the reviews. It seemed to be either a dazzling culinary triumph or a culinary train wreck. Sadly, we found ourselves firmly on the side of the wreckage.

Let’s start with the atmosphere. The decor is lovely, the kind of place where you expect the food to be as stylish as the surroundings. But beware: the seating consists of those hard, Parisian-style café chairs, clearly designed to test both your patience and your lower spine. After 20 minutes, we began eyeing the plush booths on the restaurant’s outskirts like castaways spotting dry land. We eventually moved, albeit feeling slightly judged by the waiting staff.

Speaking of staff: the meet and greet was like an awkward school reunion—polite but distant. Two young lads at the bar were engrossed in solving the world’s problems (or maybe their weekend plans) before reluctantly acknowledging us. Once we reached the table, the service was fine—well, up to the point they forgot the golden rule of asking how the food was. Perhaps they feared the answer.

We started with bread and goat’s cheese, which was actually good! For a brief moment, we believed we might be in for a treat. Oh, the naivety. Then the mains arrived, and it all went downhill faster than a greased otter on a waterslide.

I ordered the burger (£18), which arrived looking like it needed therapy. The fries? Standard frozen chips so devoid of personality they could moonlight as cardboard. The burger patty itself was the culinary equivalent of a shrug, slouched in a bun that seemed to have been sourced from a motorway truck stop. The garnish was limp, the cheese was joyless, and the tomato had all the appeal of a wet flannel. Honestly, I wouldn’t have been surprised if the burger had written “help me” in ketchup across the plate. I’ve had better meals at Wetherspoons, and that’s saying something.

My partner’s sea bass was even more of a tragedy. It arrived looking like it had spent the afternoon sunbathing in radioactive sludge—straight out of the Sea of Chernobyl. The texture? Wet, floppy, and deeply uninspired. It was paired with hunks of chorizo so overpowering they tasted like they were trying to compensate for something. At least the chorizo had some flavour; the fish, meanwhile, was on life support.

Let’s talk value for money—or rather, the complete lack of it. Browns charges premium prices for food that wouldn’t cut it at a greasy spoon. You can’t just drape some fancy decor over a subpar kitchen and call it fine dining. It’s like sticking a bow tie on a sloth and expecting it to conduct an orchestra.

As we sat there, picking at our meals and contemplating life’s injustices, it became clear that Browns is relying on its glossy reputation to distract from its glaring flaws. But here’s the thing: in a cost-of-living crisis, people are not in the mood to pay top dollar for mediocrity.

I can already hear the manager drafting a response. Something like, “We’re terribly sorry to hear this. Our food is usually of the highest standard, and we take your feedback very seriously.” Save it. There’s no need to go through the motions. If your reviews are anything to go by, consistency is clearly an issue, and until you sort it out, Browns will remain a textbook example of style over substance.

In conclusion, Browns is like that friend who promises you a fantastic evening but spends the whole night glued to their phone: all hype, no follow-through. Would we go back? Only if we fancied a masterclass in disappointment. Hope springs eternal, but after this experience, I suspect even hope would walk out halfway through the...

Title: Browns refused breakfast despite breakfast menue booking, and we recieved stale microwaved ready meal food, mascarading as premium.

Summary: The pancake breakfast was not freshly prepared: The pancakes were dry, clearly frozen/ defrosted & likely microwaved; the pancetta was reheated, old & chewy; the syrup was low quality & there was not enough; the addition of seeds and odd spices made for an odd flavour and texture combination. Browns made a mistake with our booking & did not compensate us (see below)

Via Browns' booking system, I booked a table for 12pm and selected the breakfast and brunch menu. I arrived to be told that breakfast was no longer available despite my showing email evidence from Browns confirming the contrary. We were forced to settle for the bottomless brunch, an expensive and restrictive set menu with few options. After further arguing that we both do not drink alcohol, the sympathetic server pushed for us to have one course, yet upon receiving the bill, we found that whilst it was the same dish as that on the breakfast menu, it cost more. We therefore paid more for a dish we did not want. We want to make clear the server did his best to help. Nonetheless, we were not the only table complaining about the fact we booked but could not have the breakfast menu; an adjacent table was further disgruntled as they could not order from 2 separate menus. This is nonsensical, and Browns should have compromised, given they had already upset several customers by refusing breakfasts.

Chains like Browns think they can serve stale food at premium prices and force customers into set menus because they are established. Please instead invest in independent resultants who care about quality food and customer satisfaction. Don’t be duped by...

Simply put: Food was lovely! Atmosphere was great, but a very large drunk but merry table next to us meant that the youngest person sat on the end of the table could not hear anything (even across the table) except the person sat directly next to them at the table (just for reference I am the youngest in my 30's). Service was (for us) quite slow.

First time dining here after having no end of recommendations. On entry the decor and atmosphere is wonderful, we were shown to our table after waiting for our other guests in the bar which was superb, swift bar service with a great premium selection to choose from! I am going to have to add it to my places to meet up for an evening drink!

After being seated and having our drinks order taken for the table we had to then wait 25 minutes for our drinks to arrive in which time the waitress had been back to take the order of food.

Following the meal (more on the food in a second) we were offered the desert menu before another unusual long wait.

The food here is great, no matter what your tastes are, from a simple fish and chips - I was told the fish was fantastic to crab and prawn linguini. Scallops were cooked to perfection for my starter and the poached plumbs were nicely spiced and cooked. The drinks themselves were fantastic, a great selection of premium beers and wines to choose from. I was served swiftly at the bar on arrival but the table service after was slow and dampened the experience. As I mentioned the decor and atmosphere were lovely its was just unfortunate we had the large table next to us.

I look forward to returning here maybe for an evening drink, or maybe for lunch one day. Parking is easy on street even with the road works around the area. Well...